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Ex-bpyfriends and friends
I have a bit of a problem right now. I like this guy and he has the same feelings for me. We get along great and have a lot in common. The only problem: he is the ex-boyfriend of one of my best friends. She still seems to have some feelings for him (they are still friends) and gets upset when he has dates with other girls she doesn't even know. She does not know that I like him and I'm afraid to tell her because I don't want to upset her. As it stands right now, I will not persue anything with this guy because I don't want to hurt her. So far it is split with the people I have talked to, half say go for it, the other half say its not worth lossing her friendship. What is your opinion?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The real question is, which is more important to you? Your friendship, or the guy? You seem to have a steady grasp of what is going on here. You know your friend would get upset with you if you date this guy. But there are also other things to consider. Is your friendship strong enough to prevail if you date her ex? If so, I say go for it, but slowly. Sure, you might get into a fight... but over time you could have both friend and boyfriend. How long ago was it that your friend and her ex broke up? If it wasn't too long ago, I say that you wait. The wounds might still be fresh, and they need time to heal. This is not to say that you can't ever date him, just that you need to wait for your friend to heal before you move on. What was the cause of their break-up? If it was a peaceful break-up that they BOTH decided on because it 'just didn't work out', then I say talk to your friend in a mature manner and tell her everything. Assure her that your friendship is more important to you, but you needed to be truthful. If they split up on bad grounds(he was cheating, or a nasty fight, etc) then it might be too difficult for her to accept that her friend and 'bad' ex are together, and I advise you not to go down that road until her wounds heal, otherwise you'd just be adding salt to those open wounds. If they did break up on bad grounds, think about your own morals. For example, if he cheated on your friend, do you really want to date a cheater? Or if they got into a fight about something, take a look at the issue and be sure it won't effect a possible future between the two of you.
Take it slow, weigh the pros and the cons, and make sure your friend is steady and ready before you persue anything more with her ex.
I hope that helps.
Tipsy Gypsy
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