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She Always Blames Me. :(
My mom is in her late 40's. Well anyway. I like the band Green Day. And she doesn't. She's more into the Old Country type of music. I like the color black. My mom won't buy me black and says "It Looks Like Something A Devil Worshiper Would Wear!" and Refuses to buy me Green Day Things like for example I wanted and still want this really pretty Green Day Hoodie. It was black or Gray (Can't Remember) and it just had "Green Day" on the front of it and I asked her if I could get it instead off the OCC Hoodie. And She said No. What is Wrong With her. She got mad at me because We have a new phone number and someone called that she didnt know and I didn't either and automatically assumed it was me! So?
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RESPONSE TO YOUR FEEDBACK:
I'm hoping that you'll see this additional response that I'm giving you after having read your feedback comments (which I've included below). Thanks for giving them to me. It helps to know a little more about your situation though I still don't know a lot. Please just bear with me, okay?
I liked black eye liner when I was younger too (still do, sometimes), but I didn't wear it until I was a little older. I still don't know how old you are. I guess it depends on HOW you're wearing the black eye liner. If it's really thick and makes your eyes look raccoon-ish, this could cause your mom some grief. Look at the male singer Marilyn Mason and his black eye liner, for instance. Do you wear it in a similar way, even if it's toned down? Are you sort of going for the Goth look? Sometimes this look is scary for parents and they're confused by it and what it means.
I don't blame you for not wanting to look and be like your sister. When we were younger, my sister and I were WAY different. She was much more conservative with how she dressed and with her make-up and how she acted than I was. MY parents had a more difficult time understanding me in that regard. But we lived through it and I tried to compromise with my folks as far as what they wanted and what I wanted. You don't need to be like your sister, but since she is the older one, your mom may in fact be completely surprised and confused as to why you're so completely opposite from her first born. That's kind of natural, even if it feels unfair.
No matter how you're feeling right now, please don't block your mom from your life. I think you'll regret doing that and it will make your situation only worse. She will really begin to wonder even more what you're up to and whether or not she's "lost" you. Who knows how she will react then? If I were your parent, it would scare me and I'd be completely frustrated and at a loss as to how to get you back to me. I would work hard at trying to talk with you, but if you shut a Mom out, she may find that very difficult, and even hurtful (though she may not be able to admit this). And, if she's prone to anger, you may get reactions that you hate more than now. What purpose would that serve either of you?
You say that your mom is acting very strange around you these days. OK, maybe she IS going through menopause, but usually a woman doesn't act strange to just one person if she's having a rough go of things. You'd see the same attitude with others and it doesn't sound like you're witnessing that. So, I have a question for you? Are YOU acting any differently towards her these days? Again, how old are you? I ask this because we all go through very drastic changes as we grow up. Maybe you're not even aware that you're acting differently because you see it as trying to come into your own - be your own self, break away from the "little girl" image, express yourself, or even just rebel against anything your mom believes because you feel like that's the only way you can 'be yourself." All of those things are very common and cause parents to almost pull their hair out because they're at such a loss as to how to understand this "new" you. So again, are you acting a lot different from how you were only just a little while ago? Are you still going to her in confidence or have you already chosen to back off from that kind of relationship with your mom. Since I obviously don't know your mom, I have no idea how difficult it has ever been to communicate with and confide in her.
Though I do know a lot of people who like Green Day, like I said before, I can't help but wonder if the Parental Discretion/Warning label that goes along with their music has something to do with how she is reacting about this group (there ARE some pretty heavy duty messages and certain kinds of words that offend some people...and scare some parents). How about a suggestion: ask your mom if she's willing to compromise with you. Tell her that since you really like Green Day and she doesn't, that you'll agree to listen to some other bands that are popular now, with music that you like, and that your mother will approve, if she allows you to listen to Green Day from time to time. She may be so adamantly against Green Day that she won't go for this, but try it anyway.
Unfortunately, as we grow up in the households of our parents, we do have to abide by some, or most, of their rules. It may not seem fair, but they are trying to teach you their values and then when you are older and out on your own, you'll have different perspectives on the values and ideas that are out there and YOU can make your own choices. Know that this phase you guys are going through will NOT last forever. So, as you're trying to get HER to change her attitudes and ideas, maybe you can try to change some of yours...for now. Again, see if compromising might work.
As far as not allowing you to go to ballgames, I wonder...sigh, once again...how old you are. What are her reasons for not allowing you to go to these games? You say that you mostly stay "locked up" in your room. Does she not allow you to go out with your friends? Does she allow you to date? All of these things have so much to do with the age of a child. Maybe you're feeling like you're too old now for her to forbid you to do some of these things you'd like to do. Is she afraid of what might go on with the boys? If she hasn't said so, I'd still have to wonder if this is a concern of hers. And, in reality it is a concern of many parents - what young people are doing these days. (It was a concern of our parents back when we were growing up, as I mentioned before.) Have you tried to do things with your friends, setting up communication plans with your mother and agreements on what you are and are not allowed to do? Have you tried this and didn't follow what the two of you had agreed upon? Knowing the answers to some of these questions would certainly help me in helping you. Realizing the answers to these questions would perhaps help YOU to think long and hard how the relationship with your mom got to this point. Be as honest with yourself as you can. When exactly did all of this start and do you remember what set off this turn of events?
Try to be patient with all that you surely want to do. Things will come at the right time and when you're ready...really ready. Your mom may just be trying to make sure you ARE ready to deal with a lot of the decisions you make and the results of those decisions. Maybe she's not doing it in the calmest of fashions or in a way that you like and I'm sorry. But try to be patient with her too. And, don't hesitate to ask HER to be patient with you and your teenage phases.
Obviously I'm still promoting the idea of communication even though you said in this feedback comment that you sat down and tried to talk to her and it didn't work out. Go over in your head exactly how you two communicated with each other and see if you can't try to approach her in a different way. She may actually appreciate that and try to communicate in a different way with you.
Again, good luck. I KNOW this is a terribly tough time for you and you're feeling frustrated and held back. But all will smooth out as you continue to work on this and as you show your mom exactly the kind of person you are and that she doesn't need to worry about you as much anymore - something very hard for parents to do. OK, try to keep me informed. I'm hoping you guys can come to some sort of arrangement about how you feel about each other. Please remember that your mom loves you and is most likely afraid of what's out there in our society today. She just wants to keep you safe. But, you need to show her - by compromises and honesty - that you'll be okay and you'll use good judgment about whatever comes your way.
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Thanks SOOO Much! My mom was talking about how I would wear black eye liner. But I have always wore make up. Now on the other hand my sister (28) was always pink, white, blue's and so on in clothes. But I don't want to be like her. You can't tell my mom anything. I just feel like I want to block her out of my life and do my own thing. And the truth is that I have been sooo much happier that I can choose what I* want to wear. Not what she wanted me to wear. She never lets me go to ballgames. I usually stay locked up in my room. She just doesn't understand me. I had a talk with her last night and she was like "There are PLENTY more Bands out there than that Green Day!!" and I said "I know. I just like that band better." and she was like "Well I don't want you listing to it!" and I said "I am going to. Because thats the kind of music that I like. I'm not like my sister." and things went from there. She might be going through Mentopause right now to. Cause she has been acting VERY strange. Around me.
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My mom was the same way about Green Day then I popped in my Green Day CD in the car and had her listen to it and she said "Oh who is this? I actually kinda like it" so if your mom has never heard Green Day then borrow a CD from a friend and play it on the computer and when she hears it ask her if she likes it. As for the wearing black thing.. Johnny Cash was called the Man in Black because he ALWAYS wore black, just ask your mom if she likes his music then say "Well wasn't he called the Man in Black? See Johnny Cash wore black and he wasn't a devil worshiper!" and just tell her it's a phase your going through (worked on my mom) and that you'll grow out of it sooner or later! Then maybe she'll understand : )
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okay i like greenday to.....explain to your mom that black isnt' what devil worshiper weres...tell her everybody wheres black even country singers....and make her lisen to greenday songs.....and maybe print out some lyrics for her to read....you never know she might like them she just hasn't set down and lisen to them....then if she doesn't think there all that bad and understands ask her again for the greenday hoodie!
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Your moms crazy if she doesnt like GREEN DAY!!! just do whatever the hell you want u need ur freedom but dont go to far you still have to respect her but if you want to wear something that really isnt bad or listen to something you should and dont worry all parents blame us for everything you just gota learn how to live with it!
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Love Peace and Happiness Nicole
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It's not you it's her. Yeah right about when women are 40-50 they go through a midlife crisis and trust me...it's not pretty. They'll go crazy and yell and have the craziest mood swings. TRy to buy your own things, yeah it's kinda hard finding money these days but if you really want it, a few extra hard work wouldn't kill ya. She's probably into the old ways. Most don't wear black and everyone must be happy and listen to classical country music and blah blah balh she just doesn't understand society these days. We don't live in her era anymore. Just give her some time she'll come around...eventually sooner than later.
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