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Is she ignoring me? Also: hugging problems
13/m Long story short, I like her a lot, I told her, she doesn't like me back. Here's my current problem: I think she's ignoring me. Like at schoool everything's just too weird to talk to her. Awkward, let's say. So I've been trying to patch things up. I tried inviting her over one day. Saturday, she was babysitting. Sunday, she had rehearsal for a play. Same thing happens week after week after week. Just today I tried asking her to come over. Same story. No good. I really want to make things all better. I want to be able to just talk to her, which we haven't done in months except for on AIM. Our only 3 classes together, we're across the room, which sucks. So we don't even see each other much. We used to goof off a lot as friends. Like all the time. Things were cool. But now they're not.
Last night was a school dance. I had asked her a few days earlier. She said she had rehearsal. So I went with three of my friends to eat food and drink punch & soda. And guess who was there, that's right her. So those three guys were like pushing me to talk to her, bribing me, etc. Eventually, I talked to her. Apparently, she sent me an e-mail (I checked this morning, it didn't go through) saying that the rehearsal was cancelled. Then this girl started teasing me about my e-mail address (I made it up when I was 7) and the one I like hugged me.
It's not the first time. Third, actually. First time was last year in science. I told her I was feeling like crap. She hugged me. I got scared, never having hugged anyone outside of family before. So I rejected it. Second time, we were at a carnival. She had persuaded me to get on all the wild rides. Hardly anyone was there yet, so there was no line. After the fifth one, I started vomiting. "Oh my god, are you OK?" and hugged me. I stood there and just murmured that I was fine. Third time was last night at the dance. It's my best one yet---I stood there. Yes, that's right, I just stood there. Then I did the stupidest thing in the world---I cut it short for the $5 I had been bribed for.
I'm such an idiot. I've been waiting for another moment in which she would hug me, and here it is. What do I do? I run away to get $5. (In the end, all he gave me was a quarter...) But I couldn't help it. I literaly couldn't think! My mind was drawing a complete blank! The only thing going on in my head was in my subconcious, saying "Get out of here, fast!". My concious side was just scared and confused, and didn't know what to do. For those of you who have read Flowers for Algernon, it was exactly what Charlie was feeling. Whenever he got too close to Alice, his inner child would pull him back and prevent him from doing anything. I guess my inner child was still scared of commitment and everything. I want to hug her, considering it's the first of many steps to a successful relationship, but there are no opportunities in the halls at school, and as I said before, there's never a good time for her to come over. So I guess I'm just doomed to be a hopeless freak with subconcious fear of so much as a hug...
I guess my three big questions here are:
1) Is she ignoring me?
2) If so, how do I prevent it?
3) How can I hug her?
I know it sounds really pathetic. All I want is a hug. There's all these people here asking about banging and stuff, and here I am, eager to get a hug. But you have to realize that I've never had a relationship before, and I don't believe in dating unless there are true feelings. And if you believe that teenagers don't know love, I acknowledge that fact, and I'm not the same as every teenager on Advicenators. Besides, it's important to get a feel for what dating is like before we start the real thing, eh? And don't treat me like a little kid. I may be 13, but I'm not stupid. I'm just socially distressed. No smartass answers either, please. And if you give a response that doesn't have any advice in it, you are liable to be reported, as one of the rules in the Terms of Service is that you may not give unhelpful advice. I usually rate. Thank you a lot.
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1) Is she ignoring me?
A: Yes.
2) If so, how do I prevent it?
A: She is ignoring you because you are overbearing. Ironically, when you try to prevent her from ignoring you, you are being even more overbearing, giving her further reason to ignore you.
3) How can I hug her?
A: Look, you didn't do anything wrong by telling her how you feel, but by doing so, you redefined your relationship with her. She used to see you as a friend she could goof around with, and she thought you saw her in the same way. When you told her you have feelings for her, you changed her perception of you. Since she doesn't reciprocate your affection, she doesn't feel comfortable around you right now. When she hugged you at the dance, it sounds like she felt bad that you were being teased by her friends and wanted to help you "save face".
So how should you act around her now? Well, lets assume she truly isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you. Lets also assume she still likes you as a friend and even misses goofing around with you. If you can give up any further attempts to get a hug from her, you may have a chance to mend things.
Do this: When the time is right--when you have her undivided attention and some privacy to speak openly with her--look her in the eyes and tell her you feel bad for telling her you liked her a lot, that you didn't mean to "weird her out" (or whatever phrase you guys use these days), and that you'd rather be friends with her again. Then take it from there--say whatever seems right. Trust your instincts.
One more thing: You've been taking yourself too seriously. It comes across to others as being overbearing, or just plain weird, and freaks them out. RELAX. Stop overthinking things and, pardon the cliche...
j u s t b e y o u r s e l f !!!!
Don't worry, someday you'll have a deep and meaningful relationship with some lucky girl. You clearly have great emotional depth and self-knowledge--your description was both perceptive and insightful. For once I felt like I had enough information about someone's problem to be able to address it accurately, instead of having to make guesses as to what circumstances led to their problem.
Thanks,
Dr. Chad
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1. she might be ignoring you
2. just walk up to her and talk to her act like nothing ever happened
3. All of the guys i kno just walk up to me when i am in a bad mood and hug me and when i ask why they huged me they say because you looked sad/upset. SO when she looks sad/upset/depressed/whatever just walk up to her and hug her and when she asks why you huged her say because you looked sad/upset/depressed/whatever and if she says thanks or if she smiles at you smile and say no prob!
hope I helped, you sound really nice!
GoodAdvice12345
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ok it sounds like you guys are pretty good friends, and maybe after you told her that you like her she didnt know how to act around you. I dont think shes ignoring you, you jus dont see each other too much and if u wanna hug her just offer her a hug!!chances r she'll hug you back, and after youll be soo glad that you did that.you sound like a real sweet guy so why wouldnt she want to hang out w/ you. jus give it some time, talk to her HUG HER and maybe she will like you too. and if it doesnt work out move on theres so many other girls who will appreciate you. your young (i am too so im not treatin you like a kid) so try talkin to a lot of different girls <3 wish ya luck
-Rachel-<3
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You asked a really long question, so I'm just going to have to give you a really long answer ^_^
1) Do not keep trying to push it, like asking her to the dance and all. She doesn't seem to be interested in you. To tell you the truth, I think it's you who is creating all the trouble. "Like at schoool everything's just too weird to talk to her." "I literaly couldn't think! My mind was drawing a complete blank! The only thing going on in my head was in my subconcious, saying "Get out of here, fast! My concious side was just scared and confused, and didn't know what to do." Because she rejected you romantically, you're freaking out that she's avoiding you. So you push yourself away from her. I infer from your descriptions that she wants to stay friends with you (she hugged you and wanted to go on the rides with you, right?), but doesn't want it to go further than that.
2) I highly doubt that she is ignoring you. Girls get past the "boys are icky" phase quicker than boys. In fact, most girls by that age would probably feel flattered that you have a crush on her. Maybe the times that you asked her over were just busy for her. Wait a while, and ask her again. But if you keep trying to push it romantically, she WILL avoid you because she doesn't want to get romantic with you.
3) Don't accept bribes for things like "cutting it short." It makes you look really foolish, and if she found out, she would be really angry and embarassed. I HATE it when guys do that. (I'm not saying that you're foolish, but just keep that in mind next time)
4) If you wanna hug her, wait for a time that the two of you are talking. It takes courage. I know. If you're on the brink of doing it, remember that you have nothing to lose, and JUST DO IT.
Lastly, good job for realizing the fact that you are too young for love. It takes real maturity for a 13-year-old boy to understand that.
Good luck!
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I know what it is like to be shy and freeze especially if you like the person alot. I dont think she is avoiding you at all. I think that if she is really going to rehearsal then she is going there. But i do think that she may feel the same way about you but she is afraid to tell you. Sometimes girls who are that age dont like to get to serious especially if its their best friend. I think she is afraid to be in that kind of relationship. Or another reason is if you dated and broke up you would lose your friendship. Maybe yur friendship is more important than anything. I am 18 and told guys that. I told them that i didnt feel like that about them. But really i did i was just to afraid to admit it. If you dont give up on her she will eventually come around. Its a matter of if you are going to wait for her. When someone who is like you wants a hug it kind of comes in the moment. If you wnat it to happen you have to be patient. I am not sounding ignorant. A suggestion would be why dont you write her a note and give it to her before class starts. Give her time to read and you should talk to her. The best person to talk about if she is avoiding you is her. I am sure that she is not avoiding. Maybe you should say sorry that you didnt let her hug you and you want to repay her so you hug her for it.
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You sound like a very genuine guy, but your only 13. You have lots of time for a relationship.
It sounds like the girl just isnt interested. Sometimes you dont know if pouring out your feelings to some1 is the best idea. In this case, it wasnt!
My guess is shes ignoring you, because she doesnt share the same feelings as you, and theres really nothing you can do about it. Which means, sorry, but no hug either.
Dont go by what all the other guys are saying. It will happen for you 1 day. Girls like guys who arent gonna brag about what they got and what they did with a girl.
Save your feelings for some1 who will show you feelings back!
Hey, if i was 13 again, id date you in a heartbeat!
Good Luck Sweetie!
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Wow. In your last paragraph, I totally agree with you.
Okay, you said you guys used to be good friends? Then you told her that you like her. That probably made it awkward for her. When you invited her over, it might not have been that she didn't want to hang out wiht you. She just might have been nervous and made an excuse. I'm a girl. Girls get nervous too. Also, you mentioned she sent you an email saying that her rehearsal was canceled. Probably true, eh? That means she wanted to let you know that she could go to the dance now (On the plus side!). Okay, so you're saying you are 'scared', I guess, to hug her, but at the same time you want to hug her. She's showing you that she wants to hug you too by doing it. She was probably nervous about doing it, but went right ahead and did it. My advice is that I think you should talk to her. If you have her phone number, CALL her. But the best way to do it is in person. You say you never see her. Talk to her and ask her to make time for you because you need to talk to her. Tell her what you wrote in your question. The truth can never hurt.
Now I see, you asked some questions.
(1) Personally, I don't think she's ignoring you. She could have the same feelings you do, about being nervous and all.
(2) You need to talk to her, as I said before.
(3) After you talk to her, and get things straight, just DO IT. I know, I know, it's said easier than done. But you keep saying you REALLY want to hug her. Don't think negative. You know you want to, so just do it.
&& As for the last part in your question::
I totally understand your point there in everything you wrote. You amaze me =)
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