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i am thinking about writing him a letter tell me what you th
Dear "James",
I am writing you this letter because I know if I try to say this out loud, it will just come out a jumbled mess. I don’t know what is going on between us right now, I am so confused and it’s not fair for either of us. You know that I love you and that I would do anything to be with you. I have been practically begging you to come back to me. I am not trying to make this into some poetic tragedy; I just want to know how you feel. Can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing when you kiss me; you feel nothing when we make love? I don’t understand how you can be so casual about this whole thing. I’m not mad at you and I am not upset, I am just simply asking you to tell me how you feel. Is there a chance for us at all, because my heart is on the verge of breaking. I know you are probably going away for a while but I am willing to be there when you come home. I want to be with you James, and if you don’t feel the same, then I would expect you have the decency to tell me so; after all we have been through together I deserve at least that.
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First off, I have to tell you that I'm AWFULLY tired, so my brain probably isn't working as well as usual (it's my own fault; I was up 'til about 1 AM giving someone some advice on the Advicenators chat board).
My first reaction on reading it was that you seem to have become a little more angry at him, or realized that you were angrier than you first thought. It's a *little* more hostile-sounding than I would have expected. When I read it, I'm not sure if you still really want him; I see that you say you do, of course, but some of what you say really does sound as if your opinion of him has changed for the worse. For example, "have the decency to tell me so" implies that he's not being decent now. That may be the case, but I just want to make sure that you're clear on what you want.
I don't think it's a bad thing to stand up for yourself more, the way you seem to be doing. Not at all. It wouldn't be healthy for you to crawl to him. Because no one respects someone who begs, and you couldn't live your life that way.
Clearly, in this letter, you're not begging. And I think that's good. But to be honest, I think this puts a pretty clear test on your relationship with him: if he really loves you, he'll come back. If not, I think this will go a long way towards really ending things between the two of you.
That may be what you need; uncertainty is more difficult to live with than knowing that a relationship is really over. That hurts, more than almost anything else in the world, but it's a single massive wound and then it's *done*. The healing process, slow and painful though it is, can start.
When things are left hanging, though, you can't heal. Because even if the wound isn't as severe, the uncertainty keeps picking at it and picking at it. And leaving it all up to him puts you in a subservient position. That's not healthy; a long-term relationship really needs to be a partnership of equals to work out, I believe.
But if the two of you can find a way to be together, and if you both really love each other that much...well, that's something that you can't close the door on without regrets. Regrets that would last a lifetime.
It's almost never easy. With relationship questions, there's always a hard choice to make. Even happy endings only come with pain.
I want to finish this quickly, because if I don't, I'll have to leave it hanging for several more hours - and I don't want to do that. So let me finish, for now, with this:
Think hard, and search your feelings. Decide how much you want him, how much you're willing to sacrifice for the chance of a life with him. Depending on what you decide, you may want to add a bit to your letter.
In a way, most young men (and he IS still young) are much simpler creatures than women of the same age. So you may want to break this up into paragraphs, and include a single line telling him, with no caveats, just how much you love him. That will make his choice clear to him, I think.
It's such a hard thing, to put your heart on the line! And I'm so sorry you have to face this!
Good luck.
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The letter is well thought out but I'm afraid it probably won't do you much good with James. I think you're right to mention the fact that you do deserve to know the truth and you bring up some good points in asking if he does feel anything when you kiss or make love. However, just because you deserve it doesn't mean he's going to give it to you. I would leave out the part about you begging him to come back to you. He already knows this fact and obviously isn't too worried about it so I don't see where repeating it would do any good. I wish I could offer you more. Good luck. I wish you the best.
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