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urgent
im 19 yrs old, college sophomore, i met my ex "james" when i was a senior in high school. strangley enough my friend "pat" put my pic up on hot or not and "james" saw it and clicked meet me. come to find out he went to my high school and graduated a few years ahead of me. his brother was also one of my high school friends.
he was in the army when i met him, (this was in december of my high school year) he had been over seas for 2 years. we talked online and on the phone to eachother every chance we got and he came down on leave for his brothes grad party which i was invited to because his brother and i were friends.
we started hanging out and eventually dating. i broke up with him before i left for college because i didnt want to worry about having a bf and his school and mine were 2 hours apart. he told me he loved me but i broke up with him reguardless
he now has a gf "kerry". he started dating her 2 months after we broke up. apparently he used to date her before he left for iraq. they have been dating ever since.
well the reason i am writing is because after him and i broke it off we still continuted to talk and even hang out on occasion. he has been cheating on "kerry" with me for the past month and 1/2. i KNOW he is not the cheating type we went to high school together and i have known him for 3 1/2 years please help
"james" tells me that he is probably going back overseas to fight in october. he told me that i should get over him because he isnt sure when or if he is going to come back. and i deserve a guy who is going to be there for me(he is sched for 2 years over there. i dont know what i should do. i know he still cares deeply for me but i dont know if he is still with "kerry" because he loves her or if its not the right time to break up with her or if he is going to break it off when he goes, if he loves me still i just dont know what to think. i need someone to look at the situation from another stand point and give me some advice, i am at a total loss.
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Well, sorry it's taken some time to answer your question.
It would seem that your in a bit of a pickle, but not to worry. This is how the situation looks from the info you've given me.......
1st You always have to ask yourself, how well do you REALLY know someone?? It doesn't matter if you've known each other for 10 days or even 10years. The other thing is that war changes people, and unless you've been in a war situation you will never know the way it changes someone. (my partners brother was in Kosavo and when he came back she said he just has a different look in his eyes.)
The other thing is that he can't be in love with you or with this other girl because he is cheating on both of you. If he loved you then he would do anything for you, and if he loved the other girl then he wouldn't cheat on her with you.
It looks like this guy is in a win,win situation.
My best advice is just let him go. When he gets back from his duties and he has his head on right then, maybe, you'll see the real him again.
Until that time comes, let him go or you'll just get hurt.
Hope this helps.
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Ok. Let's start with the first thing. You probably feel a little guilty about breaking up with him, even after he told you much he cared about you. But, if you felt that was the right decision, then you gotta do what you gotta do. But, if you really didn't want to have a bf in college, then why did you lead this guy on and continue to talk with him and pretend like you never even dumped him? When you continued to talk with him, he was probably getting the wrong idea. You wanted to keep in touch, he wanted to actually touch.
Now the next thing, Kerry. Kerry apparently has no clue you even exist and this is wrong. If hes not the "cheating type", then why is he doing it, dear? It sounds like he's making out like a bandit. 2 chicks. You kind of created the Kerry problem yourself though. If you hadn't dumped him, then he probably wouldn't have gone back to the other girl. In the future, only dump someone if you have no interest in seeing them ever again. Apparently, you still care about him too and never dump anyone under these circumstances.
Last thing, why don't you talk to him about his feelings about Kerry and you? You shouldn't have to wait two years for a maybe. And at 19, you don't love anybody yet. Sorry, it's cold hard facts. This is why divorce rates are at 50%. Confront him, ask him the key questions, and go from there.
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I think to be fair to both of you, you should continue you friendship with him, but nothing beyond that. Seems that you might be a bit unsettled yet, and he is clearly unsettled. His situation with Kerry is unfair to both you and her, as it seems the truth of his relationship on both ends it at least partly veiled. It just seems, from what you've indicated here, that you would just be setting yourself up for various bad situations by pursuing anything more serious with him.
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