|
haha good to know. you really think i should get over that guy i wrote about.
i went over his house the night before he went on a trip to south dakota for his cousins grad and we kissed (i sound like a little school girl i know) this was the first time we had done anything since the break up. then he went on his trip (which i found out later was with his gf as well as his family) after that hanging out with him was a little awkward, he felt bad about cheating on his gf. and we would hang out and he would bring me home at like 10...then a few weeks later i went to get him for the gym and thats the first time he started having sex with me. he is in annual training for 2 weeks in new hampshire and he wants me to come and visit him. he isnt the cheating type i have known him since hs and he isnt a player or anything like that. i know he still cares about me an i am willing to wait for him even if its for 2 years. should i talk to him about this? he has a lot on his mind i am sure...
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Of course I only have what you've written to go on. I don't know him, or you, not *really*. In relationship questions like this, there's a pretty big "guessing" factor.
I do the best I can.
So...
My gut feeling is that cheating is bad, not just in itself, but bad for a relationship. I understand overwhelming passion (I think), and I know how hard it is to resist temptation. We're all human, after all, and we all have a breaking point.
But if you really want to spend the rest of your life with him, and you really feel that you could wait two years for him, then I think you owe it to him and to yourself to *talk* to him about it. After all, it's his life too! And in the meantime, I hope you can find a way not to cheat with him any more until he leaves "Kerry". Ultimately cheating can only hurt you, and him.
It diminishes you both.
If he's willing to be with you, to make that commitment, and to leave "Kerry", then I wish you both the best of luck.
If, however, you tell him how you feel and he STILL insists that he wants you to get over him, then I think you need to find a way. I don't envy you that prospect, although I've been there myself; it's agonizing.
I'm also a little confused; if he told you that he couldn't be with you because he "isn't sure when or if he is going to come back", then is he staying with "Kerry"? If so, it sounds as if he made a choice between the two of you. But if I were you I'd probably ask him, straight out, just to be sure.
If he breaks up with Kerry you could try to tread water for two years (or more), until he comes home, and see if he's open to the possibility of rekindling something. You'd need to stay in touch with him during that time, of course. But two years is an AWFULLY long time for a 19-year-old girl to spend waiting. I hope you don't have to try. It would be much better to know that he was coming home to you, or even to know that it was really over, and time to move on.
I know he said that you deserve a guy who will be there for you. If he really means that, and he loves you, he's being *awfully* noble. You may have a hard time persuading him that it's your choice to make, and that he's the one you want to spend your life with.
I guess the real question is, does he love you? And do you love him? If you both do, you owe it to yourselves to try to find a way to be together. If that's not possible, don't despair; hearts heal, with time. I know.
But in any case, you need to talk to him.
]
More Questions: |