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humorist-workshop
love or ethics....oh crap
Saw a waitress (shes 21, im 25) at local pub, big crush, five months later I'm pretty sure she likes me, never talked to her but she stole glances (as did i) so I asked her out for coffee, she said yes. I phone her the next week, she is ill, phone again a couple of times to hear how she is doing. The next sunday I phone her again, no awnser, 5 minutes later she sms me back that she has a boyfriend "but we can still have coffee". I sms back that she should just give me some time, decide to get over it.
Next time I'm at the pub she comes and chats with me (sitting next to me), and the next time, and the next. The more we talk the more I love her. She even tells me when shes working (I didn't ask). Last Tuesday i'm there again, chat chat chat. One of my friends drips wax on her hand and it comes out that she doesn't have any feeling in her hands, looked at her hands, her left hand, her ringfinger has a ring on, ask if shes engaged, she replies yes, ask how long, she replies that since a month back (the weekend after I first called her). Promptly ask the her to fetch us some tequila and toasted on her good fortune, put on the "Nothings-wrong-Im-the
happiest-bastard-here" act, drink alot more, enough for me to lose self control (not falling over or slurring-speech) and I tell her that I have liked her since the first time I saw her (17 February, 19-21:00) shes still working so she
away from the table comes back and i notice her eyeshadows is a tad smudged.
I go home later weeping and cursing, the whole week im a total mess, can't sleep for more than 2-3 hours, I'm a bit better now, could actually sleep last night thanks to some pills.
I don't want to see her again, but if I close my eyes there she is staring back, and if I see her again I'm going to fall apart all over again.
I don't know what to do, do I move to a differant city, country? do i try to break up a relationship that has gone on this long for a chance of karma biting us on the ass?
i REALLY need some advice.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
This is a girl who lied to you.
Don't read too much into the smudged eyeshadow, that stuff is highly unstable and you can't draw conclusions based on that.
A friend of mine is having pretty much the exact same problem. A girl, at a bar where woman use their cunning to extract larger tips lead guys to think there is more there than there actually is.
She blew you off with the coffee thing, if a girl really likes you, she's going to go out with you.
I think you should pick yourself up, dust yourself off, work on your selfconfidence and find a girl who really is interested and not a chick working at a bar. Remember they are trying to earn a tip.
I'm not a complete ass, I understand you are hurting but really don't you think you are worth being with someone who would at the very least be truthful with you?
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Well, you shouldn't try to break up their relationship... If you did, and it worked the guy she's with now would probably feel even worse than you do now. Which would probably make her feel shitty too, and then you probably still wouldn't be happy.
Try going to different bars since she works there. You're going to feel crappy like this for awhile but get together with some of your friends and go out to a new bar and try to have some fun. You can probably find a new girl to talk to there that isn't already in a relationship.
I'm sorry I couldn't have helped more... You should try to go out and have some fun... You can find someone better than her. It probably doesn't seem like there's anyone better than her, but think about it... She let you go on thinking than she was single and that maybe something could happen with you two. Maybe she did it because she did like you, but that still isn't fair to you...
I hope things get better for you..
<3 Kristin
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I think you should tell her how you deeply feel. Say everything you feel when you are with her and how you feel when you are apart. If you don't let it off your chest you will regret it forever. Tell her how you feel about her. Ask if she felt nothing when you were together. Ask her how she feels about you, but after you tell her how you feel about her. If she gets married and doesn't know exactly how you feel about her, both of you might regret it for the rest of your lives. Let if off your chest so you won't be burdened and so you won't regret that you said nothing to her about how you feel. Tell her how beautiful she is and about little quirks she has that you love and about how much you love to see her smile. Tell her that if she were with you you would never want to see her cry. Tell her that if she were with you, you would make sure she had joy even when she is sad. Tell her you love her and you can't live without her. Tell her that whoever she is marrying can't love her as much as you can. There not married yet, but show her she can have true everlasting love with you.
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Well I'm sorry to hear that. The best thing i could tell you to do is try to get over it. Yes, people have probably told you that many many times, but its true. Perhaps by chatting and spending time with you, she meant to only give out friendly gestures toward you. Obviously, she already is engaged, so nothing you can do about that. But chances are, shes known him longer than you, and you really don't want to get involved in fear that you might mess up her relationship with her fiancee. So, perhaps you thought she was crushing on you, and indeed she might have been, but she doesn't need a boyfriend, she needs a friend. You don't have to move to a different city! Just be friends with her. A friend is alot less complicated than a girlfriend, don't you think? Otherwise, you should keep mingling and eventually you will find a girlfriend. Trust me on this one. The last thing you want is to be in a love triangle with this waitress.
Much love,
--Johanna
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