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Morals Breaking
I know i'm a dumb ass cause I don't do anything about it really... and this moral thing seems like an excuse. LIke everyone else I carry on with my life ignoring these things. These things i'm talking about are the people constantly dying around the world. Mainly all the bastards killing people, rapists... pedophiles, robbers, thieves, molestors, child-killers... parents who beat their child for no reason, people who harm other people for no reason... ugh these people, I want them all dead and I also ask why God would allow such an evil to exist as this kind. My answer to this is what i've heard before, God does not interfere in our lives, he cannot perform miracles all the time and just come down and slay all those people. So therefor God created everything and merely watches us, and when we die, we return to him. So I continue to thank my blessings and all the good thigns and good people in the world, but i've stopped really believing if I pray to God for good things or to help the O-zone layer or enlighten people it will happen. What's the point, he cannot interfere in our lives, he chooses not to and its understandable considering he's God. Anyways-- my morals are breaking. I find myself going crazy especially those bastards that make my life miserable. In my high school and grade school there were these people that constantly tormented me for no reason, even made me snap and start getting violent in grade school... then burst out in tears on my first day in a new school, new city. I'm believing to not give a shit about whether what I do is wrong or not, i'm tired of this fuckign bullshit about jail or w/e i'll kill the cops then myself for all I care as long as I take down my enemies and as much of those wretched bastards in the world. I know i'm possibly not capable of such a thing as this mass murder, i'm not that strong, but seriously i'm going crazy with all this shit and all these social problems, friends backstabbing, relationships gone wrong, physical illness is consuming my life as well now and possibly cancer, but that's an uncertainty. I don't want to die with a frown, and hating the world which has destroyed me. My family knows nothing because everyday im smiling and happy, my true friends know nothing because im always smiling and happy. Im the energetic bastard that runs around like he is on crack, willing to try new things and cracking up jokes 24/7 yet it hurts so fucking much especailly the fact that i'm unable to truly trust people. This girl.. I can't get into a relationship with her, I want to, but everytime I think about it I always feel wrong. My dreams, if involve her, I remembre them all they usually involve us being together and her cheating on me, or something happening of that sort. I cannot rest in peace and it would be best if I had no exist because this is just killing me so much, it hurts, it hurts so. Yet I cannot kill myself, for one reason and one reason only, not only have I not made up to my family whom I love and cherish as my treasure. I haven't done so well in school, of lack of motivation and sheer laziness but that's changing slwoly. I want to impress my family, live up to their kindness and efforts to raise a good successful child, and make them proud and happy before they meet their end. To make money and settle any fees they have and just make their lives good, to have children and hope they do not share the same wretched fate as me. Oh woes me, I am wretched in the inside, my mind? It dreams of death and perverted incidents with some of my friends whom I care about and want to be with yet I cannot bring myself to admit my liking to them. Destroy me, free me, yet if that is so I will never be able to repay my family for being the only people who I can assure trust in. If they were to fail me as well.. I don't know what I'd do.
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wow... even though i am only 14 but i think i totally get you. yea because i've had backstabbers, and i was the crack of the joke because people were racist in my school bus, i am asian by the way, anyways and i didnt really believe in God before, and i hated how people are being like that, you know whole world domination thing and racist and abusive people, murderers. and i am not saying you wont run in to those weirdo freaks, because our lives are well, werid it self! but you cant hide those feelings forever. and they are not HELPING you because they DONT KNOW! so you have to sit down with people you love and tell them calmly about what is going on with you. or it will not get better, and i am not saying by doing this the world will be in peace, but what you WILL get is an inner peace. most important peace of all, inner peace that is inside your heart. with people who loves you and care for you. so please think about it.
and hope i helped. and trust me i totally get your drift. i was like that for once but now i think about it, God does watch over us and try the best. i mean his God and all but there are more than billion of us down here and all those little miracles are his sign of him watching us and besies, if he didnt watch us over, there wont be any good people, like you, who actually care about it. if it wasnt for God, there wont be people who cares for animal, like peta. and people who helps kids who are living in war, like war child. and so much more for cancer victims so think about that too and hope i helped =)
and hiding those wonderful smile of yours isnt going to solve the problem, because they are not psychic and cant read your mind. so please talk about it.
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Wow, you're really struggling with self-identity. I have so many thoughts on this that I don't know if I can type them all out as one answer, but I'd like to help you. If you want to e-mail me, it's elithraniel26@hotmail.com.
First, if you talk of violence against those that you despise, all you're doing is stooping to their level, becoming just like them. Don't give in to that, you're such a good person. For such things like murders and child abuse and rape, and pollution runining the ozone, it's not going to help to pray to God to fix them. What will help is if you pray for the strength and courage to work on finding a way to help stop these terrible things happening, and then do it. Kind of like the saying "God helps those who help themselves."
Now, for the people who torment you unreasonably. People fear those who are different, and from what I've read, you are very different from most people. You see the problems of our world and want very badly to fix them. You care enough to be frustrated when you can't. That's very unique, and I wish that more people were like that. Here's the thing, though. Take time to look around and see all of the people that work so hard to spread goodness on earth, and take a deep breath. It's not all dark, or so bad as you might think. Let it all go for a moment, and think of who you are, and who you're trying to be. Make sure you're on track and that you're feeling secure. Those people that torment you aren't worth anything, they're lost, and they don't know who they are, and once they mature, they'll see the light and how stupid it is to put someone down for having a little hope.
Have a little faith in humanity, there is an inherent goodness in each and every person that can be reached if you look deep enough into their soul, and can be brought out even in those people which seem to be just shells in life. Nobody that does anything to hurt other people is happy with their life, and people /want/ to be happy. They just don't know how to go about doing it, and they get lost on the way. So, breathe in, breathe out, and realize that whatever people are doing now to hurt you, you won't have to deal with them forever. Don't lose your ability to trust or to love. There is always someone left that you can trust.
Now, about this girl. What you're saying is that you want to have a relationship with her, but you picture that she's going to cheat on you or that it will somehow end and you will have your heart broken. Don't go into a relationship, or anything for that matter, with the expectation that it will end. Live for the moment, and learn from today, and trust people. There's more I have to say regarding this, but now is not the time. For the moment, I'll say a quote by Lao Tzu. "Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Not doing well in school doesn't determine how good of a person you've become. It is my observation that you have strong morals in life, and that you know where you want to be and where you should be, you're just having a little trouble getting there. I admire you for loving your family and wanting to pay them back for all they've done for you, so many of my peers take their parents for granted. No matter how you feel now, you can get through this time. Maybe you can't change the past, or the things that have happened to you, but you can change how you look at them. What I mean to say is, your perspective on life determines how you live it. And if you've learned from your past, you can make your future into whatever you want it to be.
"...my friends whom I care about and want to be with yet I cannot bring myself to admit my liking to them..." Admit your liking to them. Always, don't keep those feelings in. They will always tear at you inside when they remain unsaid, I have learned this firsthand.
I think you're feeling like you're not good enough, like you've failed everyone's expectations including your own. Truly, that is a terrible thing to feel. But you can overcome it, and you can become everything you want yourself to be. Just have faith in change, time, and love, and you will surely find yourself again.
I am so glad that I found a person on this site that cares so much about being upstanding, and it saddens me that you should be feeling so down on yourself. Cheer up, and email me or ask for advice anytime.
Love,
~Nevaeh
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God gave people free will. Unfortunately, many people choose not to do the right things. But many more do! Also, God loves all of us, even the bad ones, so no, he won't just kill them off. If your kids did stupid things, you wouldn't kill them. Same with God.
But most people aren't bad! We all have our flaws, but not trusting anyone hurts more in the long run that trusting people. Heck, you can even trust us random strangers! ^^
A lot of the people who do wrong things also have mental issues. They aren't of their right minds. Some were abused themselves, and are unaware how to do anything else.
Just pray about it. Miracles come in strange places, but you have to ask for them. Start small, but keep working at it.
Tell your friends and family what you feel. They will help you! They love you no matter what you are going through, and I'm sure they'd like to help.
If you wish to repay your family, seek help if you need it.
Never forget this: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
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Wow, I hope I can make this make as much sense as possible. There are people in this world who care about you, and love you FOR YOU. I know that sounds cheesy and untrue like who knows what, but it is the truth. I promies you it is. When your sad and you feel like nothing, think of the things that make you happy...things that put a smile on your face, things that make you feel like nothing else matter, also, think about the people, that loves and cares about you, the people you would die for, think about it. It takes time, it does, and it is hard. Please, just remember that if people are you friends, they will accept for anything in this world. Friends are those who come to help you when the world steps out. Don't be ashamed or scared...your just you...I hope I helped.
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i would say that this problem is common with people and your not alone. But i do believe in ying and yong, meaning that for every good there is a bad and for every bad there is a good. I belive that God put everybody on this Earth for a reason and that this is part of his plan for us. have you ever heard of pandoras box/Adam and Eve? that would help too. Also, you must act on what you pray for and help the people you feel badly twards, dont just sit there at home and wish for the best, go out and help others
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It seems to me that you're holding a lot of anger inside you. Coming here for advice is good, but I think it would be better if someone in your day-to-day life knows this. They can talk to you about how you're feeling and how best to deal with it or even help you seek counseling if your anger issues are more than they can deal with.
People are not perfect. When you have doubts about God, remember that He gives us a choice to live his way or choose your own way. These people that you mentioned are choosing their own way. I know it seems hard but God has a reason for putting people through trials, even if we can't see the reason ourselves. Trials in life make us much stronger people and we learn from our experiences.
I went through a brief period of doubting God when one of my best friends died in a car wreck. She had her seatbelt on but hit her head on a tree at the window and I wondered why such a senseless thing could happen to her. After talking to both my parents and my youth minister, I realized that her death made me more careful when I drive and that I now don't waste time on petty things since you never know which day is your last.
I hope this helps. Best wishes. I'll keep you in my prayers.
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