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moving on
recently i just ended the three year relationship with my boyfriend all for good cause (basically, he's been treating me like pure shit lately. this includes verbal abuse, possessiveness, and odd male mood swings that he takes out on me). as you can imagine, i've grown some emotional attachment to him during those three years...and i want to know if there are some ways that i can move on?
like a co-worker asked me today if i had a significant other, and since i chose to end the relationship, the answer should be no, right? well, for some reason i still said that i did, when i know for a fact that it's over between us. it's like everything i look at or do reminds me of him, and it's bugging me because i don't want to go back. i never want to go back...yet i can't grasp the ability to just forget about it all and move on, ya know?
i want to hope that things will be alright, but i've done that all too much these past few years all ending in disappointment. i just want to feel happily single again, without a care in the world, without this horrible feeling on my shoulders...i just don't know how.
can anyone help?
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I congratulate you for ending such an abusive relationship. Its great that you got out of such an abusive relationship as abuse escalates.
What you said to a co worker is a reflex from three years of saying that you did. To get over it, I highly recommend you contact a local battered womens shelter to get some advice and counseling for coping with the aftermath of his verbal/emotional abuse.
Pack anything that reminds you of him. Examine why you put up with the abuse for three years so that way your next relationship will be healthier and better. Also tape to your bathroom mirror a pice of paper saying that you weren't the problem with the relationship; HE WAS. Focus on your good qualities.
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I think the best thing to do is just get out and have fun. Date some other guys and get your mind occupied with all that. Once you find someone you really care about...memory of him will fade like magic! Right now it doesn't have to anyone you really care about. Just get back into the swing of dating. Get dressed up and go out with some girlfriends and just have fun. :)
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First of all, you should be extremely proud of yourself for getting out of an abusive relationship. That takes amazing strength and courage.
When something reminds you of him, think of a bad thing he's done to you. That will keep your mind focused on why you don't want to be with him. Make a list of all the things you've learned that you DO NOT want in a guy. That will make it easier when the next one comes along.
Go out with friends. Stay busy. Keep a journal. Remind yourself of all the good things about being single-being able to go out with friends when you want, getting to pick what movie to watch, being able to have a bad hair day without wondering what he'll think.
Cry, scream, tear up his pictures, or trash him to a good friend. It helps to get your emotions out.
Take up a new hobby or make a list of all the good things about you to rebuild your confidence.
Take a break from men. It always seems to me that when someone starts looking, the right one finally comes along.
Believe me, I've been in your shoes before. Your story could be mine. Once I remembered what fun being single was and took advantage of being able to do what I wanted when I wanted to, I got over that guy and moved on. I took a break from men and the right one finally came along. I'm now happily married. Good luck in moving on. It does get better.
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It will take about 6 months to a year to get over him. You just going to have to keep yourself occupied with other hobbies, other friends,and let it ride it's way out.
It is normal to feel horrible. It is very similar to grieving because in essence he's dead to you. So you are going to have to work through the sadness and anger associated with it.
Just keep your head up and know you are a worthy person that deserves the best you can find for yourself.
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