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could that happen to me?
Hi,
I was reading some of the questions in your column and i noticed a couple of questions about this girl named Sam. I've also been in a lot of foster homes and I have been getting really big into drugs. Is that going to happen to me if I continue to do drugs or will I be ok? I think I'm ok now I feel great all the time and nothing really bothers me anymore but is that how Sam was? I'm really scared to end up like that kid. So if I keep doing this will I deffinately end up like her?
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You think I can tell you that the same thing won't happen to you. You know I can't tell you that, no one who cares about kids and what happens to them would answer your question, saying that "go ahead, keep doing drugs, I 'm sure you'll stop some day, and you'll be fine."
Sam is dead, she died horribly. A what is worse, except for a small group of friends (3) no one cared about her. She was abused at home and again in a couple of foster homes. She ran away from them, ran into some creeps on the street who were happy to take her in and feed her drugs as long as she did you know what.....
Well it sounds like you are not in that bad of a situation. Maybe your foster home is stable, and while you may have some problems that stem from the reasons why you are in a foster home, I am hoping for now that you are safe. I think in your case the drugs are a distraction, and a need to be accepted and wanted by someone, and I think the friends you have that give and share drugs with you are your friends, and it is better than having no one at all. Sort of. While foster parents can be good, and it is very unselfish of them to open their homes to kids who are in trouble (no fault of their own). Foster parents are not parents, and I know the pain that you feel inside for having to end up in foster care is not going to go away.
Sure drugs make you feel better temporarily. And drugs mask the pain. But each time you come down the pain is still there. It will always be there, no matter how many years go by, no matter how many drugs you take, UNTIL YOU DEAL WITH IT, WITH HELP, WITH THERAPY. But the drugs will only add to your troubles and pain. This is how:
1.) The drugs could land in you jail, that will follow you for the rest of your life.A criminal record. If you want to go to college (and they have special programs for kids in foster care to attend college and the government pays the bill) you won't be eligible for these funds if you have been arrested for drug possession.
2.) drugs limit your circle of friends. They all take drugs too, none of them are going anywhere fast. They will end up in dead end jobs, with no prospects for a bright future. I mean with a fun job and money to spend on things you like. The drugs could prevent you from getting a job too, because most employers drug test today.
3.) Drugs cause people to make the wrong decisions at the wrong time. many girls who take drugs end up having sex without protection and become pregnant. You're so young and you have many years ahead of you that could be great, but they won't be if you have to raise a child too. Children should be wanted and they should be born when a woman and man are in love and in a committed relationship and can afford to raise the child without relying on welfare, foster homes and state assistance for food and shelter. having a child out of wedlock is the first step to poverty.
4.) Drugs are bad for your health and can kill you they may not kill your friend, but they maykill you. No one knows why drugs kill some and just addict others. But even the ones who get addicted end up wishing they were dead.
Just the fact that you took the time to stop and ask me about your drug use tells me that you have reservations about it. You want to feel like everyone else looks....happy. Well I am here to tell you that millions and millions of people are unhappy inside for all kinds of reasons. but many of them because of the way that they were raised. I don't know why you are in foster care. My heart hurts for every kid out there that has to be in foster care. I wonder, "what are their parents thinking"! how could they turn their backs on their kids. Yes, I know it hurts and I know that you will never get a satisfactory answer on why you have to be there, but THIS MUCH I DO KNOW... IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG. And the emotional pain you feel, the loss, the feeling that somehow if you had been better, different, smarter, whatever, that you wouldn't be there. But it was not you. And yes you have to learn to deal with the pain. You have to grow up faster than kids who have loving families. And it sucks. But it can make you strong. You can turn around and even be better than everyone else because you didn;t have the same advantages. You are going to be 18 years old soon. That makes you a legal adult. The decisions you make now and in the near future can help you or hurt you. You can go to college if you want to. You write wall, and type well. You speak better than a lot of kids on this site. You are smart and I know you are strong because you have survived this long. Sam was younger than you and she is already dead. She couldn't fight her demons. You can, and I hope you do. Seek out help. Find some adults to sponsor you, or mentor you and help you get into college. But you have to be sincere. And you have to avoid the pitfalls. The friends who say" you're stupid for trying, it'll never work, here get high with us". Are those people terrible, no they're, not,but they also won't be able to help you if you get very sick, or in trouble with the law. I don't know about your foster situation, but I have a friend who is a foster mom, and the boy she was helping to raise got involved in drugs, It broke her heart to have to let him go,but she could not keep him any longer. He is now in a detentoin center, because he is 14 and no one wants a teenage boy who has been involved in drugs. He is sorry too, and he would give anything to go back and change things. He knew he had a chance at a future living with that foste mom. Now he has more going against him than for him. But there is nothing anyone can do. You are going to be 18 soon, (Iknow I said that already) What are your plans? Do you have to leave the home you are in when you turn 18? What will you do? You could apply to a collge and live on campus. Even a community college would be better than no going. I know that you can do this. I hope you don't mind my going on like this. But if I can change your mind then it was worth it. Please write again if you like. Let me know how you are doing.
Michele
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