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Should I follow my heart or my head?
Hi..I am a 23 yr old female.My ex bf and I have been on and off again for about a year and a half or so. We met when I first moved to this city and went out for a couple of months. Then he drifted away ,barely called me..never returned calls so I gave up. I found out a couple months later that he was in jail. A couple months later (he was in jail for 6 months) he called me out of the blue.Told me that he just got out and wanted to see me. So I visited him and we chatted and hung out a few times. Then I asked if he wanted to go out again so he said yes. He said he tried to call me while in jail but you can only call collect and he only knew my cell number. He said he was trying to get himself out of trouble. His family loves me because I am totally opposite. I have never been in trouble and don't do anything that serious to get arrested for. I have a full-time decent job and a new car. We went out for a month and things were really good,he was calling me and everything..even got his sister to wake him up so he could call me while I was on vacation to wake me up one morning at 8 am for something my family and I we were planning on doing. Then things were good and all of the sudden he's gone again..A month later he called me through a 3 way call to get my house number because he wanted to talk to me and was in jail again.Since he was on probation when he got caught fighting,was drunk and on drugs, he got arrested again.. So this time he was in jail for 4 months..we spoke the whole time...he'd call me a couple times a week..then he was out on house arrest for 5 months. He gave up calling me then. He later told me and apologized because he said it wasn't fair and he didn't want me wasting time on him. So I went out with other people the whole time he was gone since we weren't talking anymore. Then he was out working and I ended up seeing him. We just said hi and that was it. He called me about a half hour after I saw him to apologize for not talking to me and stuff but he was surprised to have seen me. So we hung out a few times and I assumed that he wanted to go out but he said he wasn't ready to jump into a relationship again. We had a big fight then after a couple days finally spoke again and said we'd just be friends. We started hanging out alot as friends and after about a week he calls me wanting me to hang out with he and his friend and says he's been thinking about me all day. He has been really nice ever since then and we started going out again. His friend isn't in trouble..doesn't have a record and they hang out alot so as long as that keeps going on he might be able to get himself straightened out. He actually has a job now working in construction. Now I don't know if I should be going out with him or not. I love him and that's why I even talk to him but I now enough that just because I love him doesn't mean we can be together. The guy I was going out with while my ex was in jail wants to go out again and I don't know now what to do:S My ex,well current bf again now, could be anywhere if he keeps doing what he did last time and I am not sure if I should put the trust in him to try to have a relationship again..
I have no idea what to do..I am totally confused..I just want people's opinions on the matter to help me decide..I know people might think I am crazy to go out with my ex since he's been in jail but when he's around me he is really nice to me..really thoughtful.He's not a bad guy just keeps hanging out with the wrong ppl. And we have had our fights about him being in jail and getting in trouble so I didn't just let him get away with being an idiot to me before.
Please give me some help!:S
confused...
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He may be nice and he may be thoughtful but he also has the potential to break your heart to pieces. I think you should put him out of your life and move on. Getting out of jail once is one thing. Going back again after having been there once is another. Trust me, he will go again. Why put yourself through all that? Its like your being used between jail sentences. Just forget the guy and move on. He has so much crap going on in his life that it just isn't worth it. You deserve a stable life so try to move on. :)
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the heart does not make speech but it is a great thing to listin to.
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I would advise you not to go out with him. I know you love him and you think you can change him. You know you are special, and he should be grateful that someone as well behaved as you are, agrees to go out with him. He should be grateful right, and be willing to stay out of trouble. Well, I wish I worked that way, because I have been there and it doesn't. Maybe if he had straightened out the first time, MAYBE, but he got himself arrested again. And you can't blame the people he hangs with. We all have to make choices. Of course he shouldn't be hanging with those guys, and it's great now that he has better friends, that is a step in the right direction. But at this point, if you are to be interested in him. He should be making ALL his steps in the right direction. Not drinking at all, since he can't control his impluses. Working, is good, but is he trying to better himself on the job, howabout school, college, training, something that will increase his income in the future. If you want to have a nice life together, you know that you should both be earning good pay, and for that you need education and skills. If he is making future plans that include bettering himself, then maybe he is worth waiting for, very patiently. But if he is not, and you are a witness, then I think you should find someone who may not be as exciting, but who will give you a better life. You know it does not matter how cute someone is, or sexy, or exciting.....10 or 15 years from now, when you still have nothing to your names, or maybe you own a home and have kids, but can't afford the things you need and no reserves for emergencies....you'll look at your friends who have dorky, or boring husbands, who just go to work each day, and earn a living, and greet their wives and kids with a smile, and will do ANYTHING for them, and tells his wife how beautiful she is, and doesn't find fault with her, and tells her that he is lucky to have her, and takes time with the kids and everyone at work respects him, and the kids look up to him, and the bills are paid, and there's money for vacations......well i don't know, maybe you aren't thinking this far ahead. Well maybe you should.
I hope this gave you some food for thought.
Michele
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Hey. It might be hard, but from what you've said I think you two should just be friends. It's not fair to you to be dating someone who keeps getting themselves into trouble so you can hardly ever see him. If you don't want to go ahead and break it off now, maybe you could talk to him about everything. You can say you'll date him as long as he stays out of trouble but if he gets in trouble and gets sent back to jail, it's over. If he likes you as much as it seems, it shouldn't be a problem for him to stay out of trouble to be with you. Even if you two do break up, you can try to remain friends. It sounds like he needs some positive people in his life. But anyway, I say try talking to him about it and if that doesn't work maybe you should just try to be friends. It's not fair to you to have to be put through all of this over and over again... I hope this helped. Let me know if you need anything else. You can leave me something on my column or my AIM name is darlin0103 or my yahoo is darlin_0103 I hope everything works out for you.
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