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I'm fourteen and just finished 9th grade. I go to a religious school one night a week that includes kids from grades 8-12. As a member of the student council, I met a certain 12th-grade boy (well, college now, barely) and we became friends. He, however, seems to want to be more than that. He often seems like he's trying to flirt with me and he keeps asking if I want to "hang out." The only sort of hanging out he ever seems to come up with is moviegoing, which sounds way to close to a date for my comfort. I'm quite willing to be friends with him but I absolutely don't want to date him. How do I send him the message that I don't want to go out with him when he hasn't actually asked me out, exactly? I'm quite sure that he likes me, so I hate just saying no because I know how he must feel. If he said, "do you want to go out with me?" I could use the let's-just-be-friends trick, but he hasn't so I'm very confused about how to let him know that our friendship stops there. Any suggestions?
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Aww girly, that is really sweet of you to not want to hurt his feelings. He sounds like a fun guy who does want to have a good time with you. HOW good of a time... im not so sure. If this is a guy you think you can trust to spend time with, I really think you should! Just like how he can't read your mind, you can't be expected to read his.
Once he starts asking you "out" places like the movies, then you can say you would rather be friends. But if he wants to hang out, (be sure you even want to hang out as friends...could get awkward...and boy have I been there!) you can suggest that you will buy the tickets if he pays for the snacks, you could meet him instead of having him drive you, and dont go to dinner or anything w/o other people. Just think casual. If you don't let things get out of hand, then they wont.
Okay hun, so remember to be safe. Sometimes it hard to let someone know how you feel, especially if you think they feel differently. If you decide it would be best to tell him that you would like to remain friends, don't make a big deal about it. Just say, that you don't want to advance your relationship to be any more than friends. You have a lot of excuses on your side (i.e. You go to college and i wouldn't see you, your too old for me, i don't think i am ready for a serious relationship...etc.) but hopefully he will understand and not make you explain yourself for your own personal decisions :]]]
if you want more ideas on how to let him down gently, I would go to:
www.wikihow.com
or
www.ehow.com
both are great, I use them all the time :)
Sorry I couldn't be of more help hun, let me know how things turn out! Keep me updated!
<3/ariannekp, 16
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well you could just go on one "hang out" with him. for all you know, he might just wanna be friends also. and if the "hangout" turns out to be a date, THEN you can use the lets just be friends trick. just try it. once wont hurt anything.
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Riddle me this: How will he know you only want to be friends if you don't tell him. He can't read your mind, unfortunately.
Yes, I know it will hurt him, and I've been in his position. But isn't it better that you stop him now rather than stop him later when things get really involved? He'll be ten times more hurt if you stop him later than now.
So just talk to him about it. Really that's all you can do.
--Jack
(16/m)
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