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I Just Don't Know
I'm basically your everyday thirteen year old, and that includes having crushes on guys.
My mom still thinks of me as her little girl who thinks guys are gross and who loves to hang out with her, and I do. I'm not like most thirteen year olds- I love to hang out with my mom.
I'm sort of afraid to tell her about the guy I like, because she thinks that I'm such a responsible girl and a girl who is perfect and good. I'm afraid it will change her opinion of me, the perfect little Indian girl who wouldn't like a guy ever into some convoluted "American teen" as she says. I'm confiding only in my friends, because they understand me and they treat me just like any other girl, but I want my mom to be the same way. What should I do?
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Hi honey, thanks for leaving me a question. I understand how you feel. You don't want to dissapoint your mom. I can understand that. Some day she will be comfortable that you like boys, and you said you were Indian.....most likely she will want you to like an Indian boy, am I right? Can you talk to her about boys in general, or maybe talk about a friend when you really mean you. Is there something special about this boy that makes you like him? Do you think under different circumstances your mom would like him? Can you just say you want to ask her some questions about love, about feelings and then just ask general questions? Just to feel out her reaction.
Here is the most important question. Does this boy like you? Has he asked to go "out" with you, go "steady" or whatever you call it? If not, then I would guess it is not worth it to have an argument with your mom over a boy who you just have a secret crush on, and it hasn't gone any further. You know, many many years ago, this was easy. Any boy interested in a girl would have to go to the parents and ask permission to come and visit her. That saved us girls the anxiety of asking. Things have certainly changed. I'll bet that your mom's life growing up was much different than your's is. And I don't think you are a typical 13 year old. YOu are articulate and you type well, and you express yourself well, and have a clear understanding of this situation. (Have you read some of the questions on this site!?!?!?!?) I think you do have the right answer. You are correct not to want to dissapoint your mom. It is too soon. Be patient. This boy may turn out to be a dissapointment to you. Then you will have had an argument with your mom over nothing. It is fun to have a secret crush on a boy. Sometimes our imagination is much better than the reality. So give it some time, and start to break your mom in slowly, ask her general questions about boys and just say you are curious and want to know more. Ask her about her relationship with your dad. Ask her about when she was young. Did she ever like a boy, what was it like. Things like that.
I think you will be OK. ONe thing I know for sure, it is nice that you and your mom are close. That may go away for a few years, but later on, when you are a young woman you will be close again. She will become very important to you.
Good luck to you,
Michele
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