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humorist-workshop
Jacey again,
I don't want to talk to my mom. I'm scared of her.I'm scared she'll die too, and I'm scared Emily and my dad will too. I feel like everybody I love is a second away from non-existance myself included.
It's my birthday and my family didn't get me anything good. I found the present within myself.
Bryson was seventeen when he died, he was only a kid. He hadn't done anything yet. I'm afraid I'm going to run out of time. I'm afriad I wont have enough time to find out what my perpose is. It scares the shit out of me. Nothing usually freaks me out like this, but I'm scared out of my mind.
I don't want to talk to my mom, because she'll cry. I hate it when she cries in front of me. I feel like I need to cry too, but I haven't cried in years. Until today.
I'm fourteen years old. Im a REAL teenager now, not just a little thirteen year oold. My grandma got me this picture of me and Bryson about a month before he died and she framed it and it said, "Never forgotten" carved into the frame.
I looked at it and I wasn't sad. I was happy. Happy that I knew him. Happy I lived long enough to love him. Happy he was my brother. I realized I wasn't sad he died. I was happy he lived. Then I cried. First my throat started to sting and then my eyes swelled up. The first tear rolled down and hit the frame and I made a sound like I was going to barf and burried my head in grass. I don't think anybody saw me, but I don't care.
Now I feel like shit. All my happiness is drained and I'm pissed beyond belief. There are kids out there who lost everything, who don't have anything and they're fine. But then there's me. I have almost everything, so why do I feel like I have nothing? Why am I so tired all the time? And why am I so damn angry. I'd rather die just so I don't have to live right now.
Jacey
ANd please get back to me as soon as you see this cuz I need helo really badly right now.
JAcey again
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Jacey, Hi honey,
I am so glad that you cried. I this it will have a cathartic affect on you. You did need to cry, but when you were ready, not when everyone else was ready for you to. They wanted you to cry because they felt like shit. How you do, and that is good, because when you are finished feeling like shit, you will start to feel better. I can't say how long you feel like shit, but you had to arrive here. Your nerves are still raw. Everyone's are. And it's your birthday, and Happy Birthday to you, but it is not a happy birthday, is it? You will never look back on this birth day with good memories, but you will look back.
YOu will, so will the rest of the members of your family. You are all going to be OK, it just does not seem that way now, and it shouldn't. Only time will put distance between you and your brother's death.
You are right though to be happy that you knew him. Of course you are made better by having been involved in his life, no matter how long. Sometimes we meet people who have a great influence on our lives, but we cannot control how long they remain in our lives, but we can come away from the experience a better, more complete person.
You are going through some things that may people your age do not experience. There must be a reason, it is utimately up to you to make sense of it.
You can't die now. You have too much to do.
I am here now, Right back if you want.
Michele
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