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discussing a loss...?
ok my best friends (who is also my boyfriend)dad just recently passed away.i no its been hard for him but hes taken it so well, way better than i thought he would. i told him i was always there if he needed to talk to anyone about anything and he said he appreciated it.im kind of hesitant about talking to him about his dad or bringing it up but it seems like he sometimes wants to talk about it.he'll bring him up in our regular conversations and he'll write about him. the thing is, im not sure if he actually wants to DISCUSS about it or not.should i let him do the talking on this topic or talk about it w/him?because maybe he wants me to ask about it and maybe he enjoys talking aobut his dad but im not sure.... wut should i do?
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i have been right where your boyfriend is... i lost my dad a couple of years ago, so i am speaking from experience.... it is a sensitive subject, but sometimes i know i do want to talk about it, b/c it really helps to get everything out.... it's interesting to see how different people deal with losses, and what helps them. i write about my dad, too and i'll sometimes bring it up in my regular conversations. i am very glad when my friends ask me if i want to talk about that or if i need to, b/c it lets me know that they are concerned and really care about my feelings. if he is dealing with it like i have, i don't think it would hurt to ask him about it, and just to let him know that you're there if he ever needs someone to talk to.
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He probably wants to talk about it but he doesn't want to start the convo. He probably doesn't know how It's hard to talk about someone that you've lost and it's a lot easier when someone enitiates the convo. The next time he mentions his dad try asking him how he's doing with that. For example say your talking about shoes or something and he says oh my dad used to like those shoes or my dad was going to get me those shoes just say how are you doing with that? Ask him if he's ok and if he needs to talk. He might say no and if he does then don't push it let him come out on his own. If he really wants to talk he will when you ask. Try going through this process a couple times but not everyday so that you don't seem pushy. This is a tough situation. Just make sure that he knows that you care and that you are there when he needs you.
Good luck and I hope things get better for your friend
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Oh my!! I just had a loss yesteRday, so I'm in the same boat!! I undeRstand *COMPLETELY* how you feel. To be honest, theRe's not Realkly anything anyone can say that does much. Words can not make up foR what is alReady gone. You've done Right by telling him that you'Re always theRe foR him... and keep Remind him eveRy now and then. I'm shoRe he knows you aRe always willing to discuss the issue, but it's nice to have some ReassuRance. I wouldn't Recommend bRinging it up Really. It's obviously a sensitive subject, and I suggest letting him staRt the talking. I know this seems like a lame answeR, but Really.. just be theRe foR him 100%... soRRie if this wasn't Really what you wanted to heaR... in my opinion it seems to be the only thing. I wish you well! Take caRe..
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