|
update
I wrote to you before about my girlfriend who's dad beats her. She is 16 by the way. He was arrested and we have a court date but she is really scared about telling the judge what he did to her. She's afraid that he'll got off anyways and then come after her. They put her in a rehab and she's not doing to good. She only weighs 85 pounds. She used to weigh 104. I'm really worried about her. I talk to her everyday and she is soo scared I don't really know what to say to her. She's gone through soo much. I love her with all my heart and I hate seeing her like this. Is there anyway that I could possibly get her out of there? She was doig better when she was staying with me but they keep telling me that she's better off in there. I don't know what to do anymore and I want to help her soo bad. What can I do?
Thank you for all of your help
Tom
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
HI Tom,
I have been thinking about you both, and am glad that things are stable now. Tom, she is better off in there, they have the "tools" to help her. She needs to stay off drugs, and she needs to get healthier. It will take time. You are too close and to emotional over her. That is not what she needs right now. She needs to talk to people who are not emotionally attached to the whole issue who can speak to her logically and prepare her for her court date for her future. Which I hope will include you. This does not mean that you two won't be together again in the future. Right now you are a crutch for her, and she needs to stand on her own two feet, with you behind her of course, but there are some things you can't do for her.
She has to start preparing for this court date. If she does not tell the judge, then her father certainly will get off, You have to stress that to her. IT will be worse if he gets off. She has to realize that her father is really JUST A COWARD. Any man who continually abuses someone who is smaller and weaker than they are is just that a coward. It is so good that you guys were able to get him arrested. Is he still in jail, and hope so, and I hope that he is spending his time as some big guys girlfriend so he can know what it is like. Has she opened up to the couselors at the rehab. About what her life was like with this man? The women there can help her. Tom, if she follows the rules there, she will get better. It takes time. You will see her again, and you will be with her again, and things will be better for both of you. But for you two to have a future, Two important things have to happen. She has to, HAS TO, stand up to her dad in court. and she has to start to heal the wounds that were caused by being violated by the most important person in her life. It will take a long time. You can't do that for her, and you are not the expert. She is with the expert, and you need to encourage her to listen to them. YOu did a wonderful job. And there is still more for you to do. Believe me, you are helping. IT is not unusual for her to loose a little weight before she starts to heal. Remember, her dad abused her for many years, she is not going to get better over night. She needs to learn to trust again, and only then can she hope to live a normal life. The best thing you can do is be patient. Hang in there. You did the right thing so far. You are maturing too, and getting stronger, and while that is sad, because kids should get to be kids, you will be the better person for it. One of my favorite sayings is...What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Please write again.
Michele
]
More Questions: |