|
mixed signals/mixed feelings
I met this guy about 4 months ago, 6 weeks of which we were boyfriend and girlfriend.He was the first love of my life and he treated me very well for the most part.After we broke up, I got over it exceptionaly well and fast...but then about three weeks after, he im-ed me and told me he still liked me and that he missed me,i got into "the moment" and I told him i missed him too, which was the truth to an extent.But then he tells me "we'll wait."i agreed, but i don't know what he meant by that.
Then one day were talking online and he told me that he loved me and he was flirting with me a lot.But what i don't understand is then..the next day...he was with my number one enemy and some of my friends, and he attempted three times to put his arm around her and hold her hand!(I was out of town) I confronted him about my knowing and he got really mad.We didn't talk for a couple of days and then he just acted like it never happened. From then on in, he's been sending me A LOT of mixed signals. One day i know he likes me, and the next i'm not so sure. And it's not like i can ask him because he's never very "open" about his feelings. And sometimes he scares me because he can be really violent...not like hurting me or anything...just that like i've heard things that he's done and stuff.But still...when i'm with him, i just melt and I never want to leave him. I don't know what to do about him. Do i keep chasing him? please help me. thank you.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Hi Dear,
I think your gut it trying to tell you something. We women used to have, (and many of us still do) great intuition. There was a time when we relied on it. But the past two generations have gotten too used to being told how they feel, and how they should feel...by TV, magazines, sit-coms. Wouldn't it be lovely if life were as simple as it seems to be on a sit-com. Problems are solved in about 1/2 hour. The reason you are getting mixed messages from your friend is because he IS sending mixed messages. And I think he is doing it deliberately. He means to keep you confused so you won't know if you are coming or going, and that keeps him in control. The fact that he was with your friends and trying to get close to your enemy....and I assume he knew that you did not like this girl.....he knew that this info would get back to you. He didn't care about how it would make you feel. When someone loves you, really loves you, or just thinks they love you and wants to explore a stronger realtionship with you...THEY DO NOT SEND MIXED MESSAGES....they go out of their way to make sure that you understand that if your interested, they are definitely interested! Unfortunately for us, sometimes it's a guy that we would not give the time of day to!
But when you become a young adult, boys change into men, and sometimes they grow up and become more considerate. I urge you, please find a guy that is considerate of your feelings. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart, except when our heart has been broken by a guy that really wasn't good enought to kiss our a**. We women really like those bad guys, but it is always a tragedy in the end. That violent stuff you mentioned scares me. So many of us think, that sure if a guy if violent because he was picked on by some guys, and he let them have it, and he won, and they lost, and isn't he wonderful, and strong, and viril!!!!!. Well the problem here is that boys, or men, who use violence to solve their problems will do so with their women too. When lovers, married couples, parents, whatever, have problems, and we all do eventually no matter how "wonderful" a relationship is....if the guy (and it usually is the guy) doesn't know how to deal with "life's problems" then he will resort to violence. Do you know anything about this guys family? His parents. We all learn what we live. Some of us are treated terribly by our parents, and it is not our fault, but while we are being treated badly, we are also LEARNING. We learn to behave like our parents, whether we like it or not. And it takes a very strong person, to overcome that kind of learning. And your friend, who doesn't seem to care about your feelings.....who uses violence to deal with issues.....and who won't discuss the things that are bothering you....or just pretends that something didn't happen......doesn't sound like a person who will cherish you and not break your heart. I know what you mean when you say you "melt". I really do, I have been there, but honey those feelings are soon forgotten when his fist is flying at your face.
Being cherished is what we all want, and that is OK, it is hard to find, but not impossible. The signs are there. Use your intuition. Pay attention to what your gut tells you. And you will be ok.
Michele
]
More Questions: |