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I'm sorry if this is long but i'm really lost and I need help. I've been doing drugs off and on since july tenth. About a month ago i got stoned and i somehow ended up her. to be honest i'm still not really sure where i am. i got involved in a lot of stupid shit and i've been staying here with this lady who sorta helps me i guess you could say but i need to get out of here. I know i have a friend who would let me stay with her but i feel so bad i feel so guilty for just leaving like i did. and i'm not even realy sure if she would let me stay with her. i can't go home though my mom gets with any guy she sees and most of them are dirty freaks who rape and beat me while she sits there stoned or drunk on the couch...i really don't know what to do i'm soo scared of going back but i'm even more scared of staying here it's just as bad here as it is there. i'm just sure if she'll let me stay with her after all i've done after what i've become i'm not even sure if i can stop everytime i try i get sick i might even be preg and every five minutes i'm trying to figure out a way to get a hit. I'm really messed up and confused. what should i do? should i call my friend or find another to handle this? please help me
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HI honey,
You are in a mess. You are following in your mothers footstep. It is certainly understandable, because she taught you to act that way by her actions. She couldn't stay off drugs or away from men long enough to be a mother to you, and now you have learned from her behavior. It is kinda of like, why should you be good, when she can't be bothered. YOur life is awful, and while it is not your fault, only you can change it. And it won't be easy. Expect it to be hard, but it will be worth it. I believe that you are worth it. But if you are ready to take that step and take control of your life, I know that there is help out there. Where do you live? Do you live near any big cities? There is a non profit organization called Covenant House, they take in runaway kids. The only rule is that you can't take drugs, once you are in. You can live there, go to school there, and grow up to be in control of your life. They have an phone number that is easy to remember and it's free to call. it is 800-999-9999. And it is available 24 hours a day. They may know of a shelter or someplace that you can go to in the city where you live. THey do have shelters in many of the large cities in the US. I think they will even help you if you are pregnant.
If that is not an option, well your old friend may be willing to take you in again, but only if you agree to stay clean. But if she can't help you stay clean, you may need for guidance than that. Please try the covenant house. They also have a web page. www.covenanthouse.org
GOd Bless you, and I hope you find the courage to change your life. Don't let the mistakes of your parents ruin your life. You didn't choose your parents, and you did nothing to deserve it, but unfortunately, only you can change it. I am sorry.
Michel
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