|
I hate people who are too honest!
Hi. I have a really hard time getting over things that people do that emotionally hurt me, yet I mostly keep it all bottled inside of myself. I try to prevent opening up about it to the exact person if I feel it's uneccessary. In the meanwhile, I had in-laws of mine tell me things that they only said out of being helpful, or they just said something without thinking or not caring on how I would feel afterwards. They aren't necessarily being evil or spiteful people, yet it can seem that way to me at times. That's why I try to not really associate myself with them if I don't really have to. I do receive telephone calls from them from time to time and alot of times, I feel like I have to put on a front and act all happy to hear from them, when in actuality, I really don't want to talk to them at all (due to those things that they said to me, even if each thing that they say that hurts me is few and far between. I always remember it, which is becoming a huge problem for me). If you saw us together though, you'd think everything's all fine and dandy and have a beautiful relationship, but for a fact on my part, I'm being phony to spare their feelings and spare from being confrontational. How do I forgive someone for something they said, even though they didn't say sorry or better yet, someone who has no idea that I'm even bothered with them?
Thanks,
MrsRDeLove
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
MrsRDeLove -
Well, first off you have to admit that either you're overreacting or your in-laws have a horrible way of phrasing things.
What you must do to understand the situation is to realize that their intentions are good. They don't mean to purposely hurt you, so don't take it that way. If what they say has a double meaning and has the possibility of being hurtful, to find out what they really mean is to clarify what they say. Restate their dialogue in a different sense like, "Oh, so really, you're trying to say _______, right?"
This way you can avoid the dreaded confrontation and better understand what your in-laws are really trying to say. It's just a communication and problem of misunderstanding.
Hope this helps.
]
You really have to stop holding a grudge because it will just eat you up inside if you don't.
You said they didn't say these things to hurt you. So why do you want to hurt them? If they say something that bothers you, you have to say something at the time it is said. Don't let it fester like you have been. But just forget what was said in the past and start over.
There are just some people who say things like that and don't even realize it. My husband is one of them. I used to let it bother me but now, I just repeat back to him what he said. Half the time he just says "what?" and I say thats what you just said. He didn't mean it the way I took it at all. So give them another chance and let the past rest. Good luck. :)
]
More Questions: |