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Am I ready?
Hello Mandee,
Hi, I've asked you a question before and it really worked I just really want to thank you for taking so much time to help me when I was in need. You're so sweet!
Now, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 months and for the past month and a half we've been really talking about having sex. We pretty much have phone sex, but he makes it sound so good that I really want to have sex with him. Well the problem is I said I am ready and whenever I say that I'm not he says to me "oh that answer will change since you have mood swings." Pretty much saying that at times I am ready but other times I am not.
But the thing he doesnt understand is that I am only 13 and he is 16 and if he talks about having sex and makes it sound good then how the hell am I not supposed to want that? We've gone to second base and he knew I wanted to but I told him no. So he kept pushing me to do it. So ofcourse I did it. Theres no way to turn him down But at the same time I dont want to turn him down. Like I want to have sex with him and share that one moment with him but also I'm scared it will hurt and when we break up I will be so crushed.
Also he just says he wants to BANG me and I want it to be more then sex I want it to be I guess you would call it "making love." so my question also is what is a test that I can know that if he really loves me and that I am ready?
This may be confusing but I really need help. Thank you for even reading this I know you have better things to do.
Ps. Another reason why I am scared is all of the negative results to sex like , heartache, pregnancy, and STD's.
Sincerly,
All mixed up
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Wow! I just thought that you should know that my day sucked until I read your comment to me. I came back from work dead tired, and started to get ready for my trip. Then, I got a cup of coffee and sat down to check out Advicenators. And sitting here reading your question and nice comment to me really made me feel useful! So, I want to thank you so much for that!
Something you should know about sex is that having it is all up to you. You are thirteen, and to some people that may seem to young, but others back up the idea that you should have sex at thirteen. Your boyfriend is going to keep pushing you to have sex with him. Why? Because he is a guy, and guys want to have sex. It's like a competition for them. They'll tell their friend they've had sex and start bragging about it. But back to you. You need to decide if you want to have sex or not. No one else can make you have sex but yourself. There is advantages and disadvantages to sex.
It is difficult with him pushing you into the thought of having sex with him. But if you know for a fact you just are not ready or wouldn't feel comfortable, don't even give in to him yet. I think all you need is time. Even if it's a lot of time, you need to think what you want and not what he wants. Does he want you to have sex or do you want to have sex? Maybe you should try to tell him that you realize this is important to him, and you somewhat understand, but what you need is time to think it over. It would be significant if he knows that you are younger than him and he shoudl consider waiting until you get a little older before putting that pressure on you.
This may sound like a weird idea, but why don't you pick up the Cosmopolitan magazine. I know you're probably thinking what is Mandee on?! Haha. But in all honesty, I think, if you read about sex, and what you could do it will help you decide. I love that magazine, by the way! Really helpful!! Anyways, the more you know about sex and different techniques you'll be able to tell yourself "Hey, this sounds kinda cool...we could try oral and if that goes well who knows" or "No, I'm just not ready for this now".
You know what you want, and you know what you don't want. Do you want sex right now, or is it just too early? I can't really answer this for you. It's hard to explain, only you know what you really want. But I agree that you should test yourself, know the basics and see if you like those ideas. If you do, you can try it. And if you don't, don't try it. You wouldn't be doing anything wrong either way. You always have risks, but sometimes you just have to take them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should go out and have sex. What I'm saying is that people are going to push you to the limits, especially your boyfriends. It's what they want. And remember, they are not the ones who can get pregnant, but unfortunally, we have that risk. You're really mature for being thirteen, and I think you know right from wrong.
And if your boyfriend really loves you, he'll back your decision up. If he starts to bitch about your decisions or doesn't listen to you, you should question that. A fun idea, but kind of cruel would be to ask him if you weren't going to have sex with him, would he still stay with you? If he seems hesitant about his answers or just laughs at you, I would think he just wants sex. If he seems understanding and sure that he is going to stay with you, I would trust him on that one. If he seems interested in what you have to say, calls often, and does little things for you to make you happy, he loves you!
Was that helpful? Let me know if I didn't answer what you wanted. I'm always here 24/7 and I'm so glad I helped you the last time. Thanks for making my day!
Love,
Mandee
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