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miss lilly you may be my last hope. My fiance and i have been together for 3 and half years well that was until Weds. when we seperated. We seperated because I "cuss" to much at him. When he says that I am "cussing' all iam trying to do is get him to show me that he loves me, you know trying to get him to do the little things. This is not the first time that this has happened, although he normally comes home in a few days, this time my heart is telling me other wise. I love him more than life itself and would do anything to make sure that he is happy. All I ask for in return you know is the little things. I have tried calling but his is at work, hopefully he'll call me back. As an experienced woman can you tell me do you think that he'll return this time? Also if he does what can I do to ensure that this never happens again???
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Hey hon. I know exactly what you are going through, me having been married for four years and now seperated from my husband for two months because of lack of communication. I am going to address everything in order, so please listen carefully.
If your husband really loves you, then he will return back to you, but <b>you</b> need to stop hurting him with your words. There are other words <b>besides</b> curse words that you can use to make him understand you and to explain to him where you are coming from. The key in every relationship is communication, and since you have been married for three and a half years, I can see that <b>regular</b> communication is not the problem here, but communicating when angry is the <b>real</b> problem between you two.
Have you ever tried talking to him when both of you are calmed down, and will to talk rationally about how you feel? Cussing at him only pushes him away from you instead of bringing him closer to you. Compromise with him. Tell him that you love him enough to <b>not</b> cuss at him anymore, but you want/need him to show you some more affection. Tell him that you hate how he doesn't show you every once in awhile that he loves you, and that you miss how you all were in the beginning; with the dating and the gift giving. One thing that me and my husband tried to do at least twice a month was to have a real date night. Fancy resturant, nice clothing, flowers, cards, candy, the whole shebang. Maybe that is what you all need to start doing. Dedicating certain nights out of the week for just the two of you time, where you act like a real couple and not just a <i>oh-we-are-married-now-we-don't-have-to-be-romantic</i> couple.
Call him again when he gets off of work and tell him that you miss him, that you understand where he is coming from and that you all's marriage is more important then cuss words, which you <b>will</b> (<- keyword) give up for him. Tell him that you want to talk to him face-to-face about how you are feeling about you all's marriage and ask him if he would be willing to talk to you when he is calmed down and ready.
When he comes over, cut off the tv and unplug the phone and have a heart-to-heart with him. Make sure you use statements like "I feel" and "I think" instead of statements like "You make me" and "You always". When you use "I" statements, then you are placing some of the blame on yourself and not attacking him, which is important because I get the impression that he feels attacked by you sometimes. Let him know how you feel and what you need from him. All women need affection. He may not fully understand how his lack of showing love affects you.
To insure that this doesn't happen again, <b>stay away from the curse words</b>. Please. Please. Please. If he does something that pisses you off, calm down first before you talk to him so no one says things that they will regret later. Come back and talk only <b>after</b> both of you have had time to cool off. And when a problem arises, make sure you address it as soon as possible. Never hold something in, because it will only make you bitter and even more angrier.
I hope that I helped you.
Take care hon, and tell me how the talk goes.
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