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humorist-workshop
I have this friend(Tricia), she's actually a best friend of mine and we met in sixth grade, in seventh grade i had this boyfriend i was pretty serious about we went out for 2 months then i found out he cheated on me with my best friend, tricia. When i talked to her i found out it was true and we didn't talk for the longest time. I'm now in 8th grade and we are close again but i never forgave her because she lied about it and also it was bad enough that it's stuck with me forever. I don't know what to do because it is brought up alot at school and reminded because of people say, also just seeing my hottub because thats where it happened. i need help and i don't know what to do, also i don't know if i should be her friend still or not, i'm also back with the guy and i'm not sure if thats a mistake or not.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The biggest element of ANY relationship is trust. You can't be friends or romantially involved with anyone if you don't trust them, and to me it sounds like you don't trust Tricia or the guy anymore - and that's perfectly fine. You will need time to get over stuff like that! Even if you had totally forgiven her, things would still be odd between you.
The thing is, by avoiding each other, you and Tricia couldn't sort out all your 'issues' - by avoiding her you've almost avoided the problem and your problem with her and your boyfriend. Just always remember that you NEVER have to be best friends with her again if you don't want to. Maybe 'cool' things a little - reduce your friendship to a hi in the hallway, maybe sitting by her in assembly or something - to give you time to REALLY get over this. Get out there, make new friends or strengthen your friendships with any other friends you already have. You don't need her and you don't owe her a THING - you don't have to be friends with her again on the basis of how close you were before, and the same with your boyfriend. You want to make your judgements on what they've done recently and what they are doing NOW. People change - how good a friend Tricia was back in 6th grade has so relevance to now, so don't feel like you have to be friends with her now because you were friends then.
People grow apart - it happens all the time and it's a very natural thing. If you don't trust Tricia, you can't be friends with her, so just let the two of you grow apart - gradually go round her house less and less, don't gossip with her anymore, find other stuff to do at the weekends when she asks you to go shopping, that kind of thing. If you think you could trust her again, but not just yet, then put your friendship on a halt. Start again, as if you've only just met. Take it very carefully and slowly - start with simply being a 'hi in the hallway' friend and build up to the usual best friends and sleepovers stuff.
I always think that a guy is never worth throwing a friendship away for, but that is Tricia's call - she threw away the trust, not you. Just remember that :) Talk to Tricia a little about how you're still having problems trusting her - if she's a good friend she'll understand, but if not, she's not worth it.
About being back with the guy - if you're not prepared to risk everything for him, you don't want him enough. What I mean by that is you obviously aren't happy in the relationship and you're not sure you should be there - that's NOT a great foundation for a relationship! You need to get out of there because if you're not sure you should be there, then it isn't right.
Hope I helped!
Blessed Be,
Rach xxx
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