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Marriage, Separation, Adultery, Getting Back on Track
I cheated on my husband for over a year it all stared because he had slapped me and I couldnt forgive him. He tried everything to get me back and I was being a bitch and unwilling to hear anything he was saying. After a while I came to my senses and wanted my famly back, but now he can't forgive me for the affair, but he has recently started seeing someone. Its so confusing because we have a daughter together and even though hes been seeing this other person we have still been sleeping together and now I'm pregnant again (its his) Now he's telling me to be patient and that he hasnt been speaking to her anymore and that she hasnt been coming around, but I don't believe him. I really want to save my marriage and I don't know how to go about it. We dont live together and I just want to be at home with my husband and daughter. What should I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
First of all what were you thinking when you cheated on him. Maybe you should take the chance and trust him you never know he could be telling the truth! Hope I helped!
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"Walk, don't run, to the nearest marriage counsellor." no no..i think you should run, dont walk to the nearest marriage counselor.Lots of couple go and it really helps. All they need to do is let some things off their chest..get some professional mediation from the counselor..and they are ok again. Try this. Tell your bf to stay together and give it another shot..that you wantt o be a family etc. Was the slap an isolated incident? If it wasnt..rethink some things. It might be best to let him go if it wasnt an isolated incident. If it was..and you dont think it wil happen again try saving it. But remember..it takes TWO to save a relationship..you cant do it all on your own because he needs to WANT to do it. If hes stubborn and refuses to try and fix it..you should move in with your mom or some relative so your children have a good place to live and you can raise them until another man comes into your life.
Just my thoughts..hope i helped
-melissa
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first of all carlthecatguy is wrong.. you are not fucked up or anything! you just did something wrong. and now your paying for it. But maybe you can talk to your husband and say you dont want to end it because you love him and you want to be a family. Plus you probably figured out that you loved him afater your affair.. so you paid the consiquences of the affair and he got the consiquences of slapping you.. hope i helped xOx jiLl
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Walk, don't run, to the nearest marriage counsellor. If you are church-going or God-fearing, seek a minister. Both of your betrayed each other's trust. He committed the biggest sin by slapping you and he needs to deal with some issues immediately. The suggestion that you seek counselling individually is excellent; do so BEFORE seeking it as a couple.
Kudos to you for wanting to rebuild the relationship, especially since there is one child and another on the way. I'm sure it hasn't been too healthy for her at this point, either. As a matter of fact, it wouldn't be a bad idea for her to get a little counselling, too. It's tough on the couple, but it's even tougher on the child/ren. Hope I helped, and Good Luck.
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If at all possible, you should both see a marriage councilor. It would probably help to each see a councilor individually as well.
It sounds like there are several issues here. The big one is trust. marriages don't work without trust, and it really does take a long long time to build it back up. The other issue is violence. Without conscious effort on the part of the person being violent, violence escalates. The pattern for abuse is violence, begging for forgiveness, a honeymoon period, and then worse violence than the first time. A third issue is that it sounds like your blaming yourself for the whole problem. You both made mistakes.
The mistakes that both of you made will take years to patch up, and even then there will be scars. But with a lot of work from both of you, it's possible to save your marriage.
If at all possible, get yourselves to a marriage councilor. If that's not possible, many religious leaders will offer similar services for free to members of their congregation. A word of caution with religious leaders - if they suggest it was ok for him to slap you - run. It's not common, but it happens. *Both* of you will need to make compromises, admit you were wrong, forgive the other person, and really work hard at making the relationship work. you need to be patient, but he needs to be making progress too!
Best of luck.
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If there is a marriage counselor through work, church, or social services, you need to take advantage of it. If he won't go, you go anyway. It will take a lot of work and a lot of healing to put your lives back together, but it isn't impossible. I wish you luck and happiness.
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