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To much of an age difference?
Okay here is the situation. A girl that I work with (age 36) has 3 kids (ages 18, 16 and 11) anyway about four years ago she left her husband after meeting this 18 year old guy. He had just moved to town with his Mom and they were staying at the hotel that we work at. Well, he was a pretty big flirt and he and his Mom stayed there for like 6 weeks while their house got ready to move in. After they moved in he would come and visit a lot. So, she leaves her husband and they start hanging out a lot and then he tells her that he really likes her and they start dating. So, he just tells his Mom that he feels sorry for her and that they are just friends and he is helping her through this divorce. His Mom doesn't think anything more about it because of the age difference cuz she isn't that much older than my friend. But her parents find out because her and the kids are living with them and he is over all the time and she tells them so they flip out and tell him he isn't welcome there anymore. So, she gets all depressed and her Mom has her put in a hospital and he goes and talks to his Mom and she says that she can stay in their spare room until she can find a place. So my friend takes her kids back to their Dad and moves in with them. The guy's Mom finds out that they are seeing each other and she is not happy at all about it. So, they move out and she still doesn't go and get her kids. So the guys Mom realizes that if she wants a relationship with her son she needs to accept his choices and she tells him that she is sorry and envites them all to her house for Christmas (including my friend's kids). I mean you can tell that she is just being nice for her son but still she is very nice about it. She bought my friend and her kids presents and everything and made them feel welcome. Here is the porblem though. The guys Mom got transferred from her job and they took the kids back to live with them a few months after she left the state for her new job. They told her that they would go with her and that was why she took the job and then the day that the moving truck got there to pack up her things they told her that they weren't going because of my friend's kids. She knew she couldn't stop them and although disappointed she went ahead and moved. So right after she moved my friend quit her job and the guy started supporting her and her three kids. Her oldest got pregnant and he had to support her kid as well. It got to be too much for him and they didn't have money for food or rent or nothing and the kids Dad refused to help out. So, he called his Mom and in the course of about a year and a half borrowed about 25,000 dollars from her. Finally she told them that she couldn't support two households and that my friend either needed to get a job or they needed to move where she was so that they could live there until they could get on their feet. So they moved there. Left two of the kids there and moved in with her. So now she calls me the other day and says that they are moving back. I figured that his Mom finally got enough and told her to get a job. Well, in a way it happened like that but she was really nice about it and told her that he was too young for so much responsibility and that families the size of theirs needed two incomes. She got him a really good paying job and he was sending money to support her other two kids while they were living with his Mom and paying nothing. So they decided that they would move back because they thought that she wanted them out. So my friend calls me up and she is all mad at her mother-in-law for getting in their business and I was all, "I don't blame her. I mean you have borrowed a lot of mney from her and she paid sfor you guys to move out there and paid for everything in the year you have been there and he has been working to support your kids and you don't even get a job." So now she is all mad at me because I don't see her side of it. Am I missing something here? I mean she is a lot older than him and he is still pretty young and he is taking on a lot of responsibility and doing the best he can. His Mom has been pretty great about everything and it is like she doesn't care how hard she works as long as she doesn't have to. Was I wrong telling her how I feel or should I have just left it alone? I feel bad for his Mom personally here she is trying to help her kid and my friend is trying to turn him against her. What do you think? She is coming home next week and I don't know what to say. I have to pick them up fromt he airport and I don't want to fight for two hours in the car on the way. Thanks in advance.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I AM IN A SIMILAR SITUATION WITH MY BEST FRIEND AND FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE IT IS BETTER TO JUST KEEP YOUR OPINION TO YOURSELF UNTIL SHE ASKS FOR YOUR ADVICE. I THINK IF SHE IS REALLY A GOOD FRIEND TO YOU THEN YOU SHOULD OFFER HER HELP IN FINDING A JOB AND WHATEVER ELSE YOU CAN DO FOR HER TO HELP HER OUT I MEAN BESIDES GIVING HER MONEY. YOU SHOULD REALLY KEEP HOW YOU FEEL TO YOURSELF BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY ANY TRUTH YOU GIVE THIS GIRL IS GONNA CAUSE PROBLEMS IN YOUR FRIENDSHIP AFTER ALL IT IS HER MISTAKE AND NOT YOURS.YOU JUST NEED TO LET HER KNOW THAT YOU ARE HER FRIEND EVEN THOUGH YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH THE WAY SHE IS LIVING HER LIFE AFTER ALL WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND!
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I think you were exactly right. She shouldn't be mad at his mom at all after all she has done. I think that he should leave this lady because he has a whole life ahead of him and he doesn't need this. She is 36 and probably very capable of getting a job and supporting her own children.
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Thats messed up and i think that she is way to young for him and he has his whole life ahead of him.No i dont think you are wrong about how feel about it. a good friend would acept the fact about how you fell. and from this story i think that you are totally right the mom should be pissed at her because of the money and stuff. if i were you ask over to your house (just her) sit her down and say i think you should come with to work at the hotel with me. i think that she should dump him because he is wasting his time with her. he needs to think about his future and his life ahead of him. you are so not wrong for saying how you feel about their relationship. but cuz of the age diference they should break up because of all the things of the money, the house i mean get your own money and house. and she should support her own kids because he didnt help her so he should not suport her. but,well dont say anything till the car ride from the airport. cuz if u mostly dont wont to fight then b quiet (not tring to b mean). so tell her your feelings sit down with the mom and say dont support them cuz its their fault thet they dont have any money!!
good luck!!
<3kilee
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Wow!!! She definitely,no offense to you,sounds like a huge mooch!To leave a stable marriage and take up with a boy who is barely older than her oldest child,not to mention barely LEGAL,is a pretty irresponsible thing to do.She's really taking advantage of a good thing,and biting the hand that feeds her ya know? I would suggest to her that you go with her and help her to look for a job.No matter what the job is,any money is better than none at all.Remind her that she needs to be able to take care of her own,be independant.Relying on others for the rest of your life is never a good idea,and it very rarely works out or ends nicely.If she truly loves this kid and her kids,she'll get out there and do whatever it takes.Let her know you understand it's tough but that she's going to wind up losing everything if she doesn't do something now!!I hope this helps you out a little bit,that's a tough situation and you certainly weren't wrong for telling her that.That's what she needs,someone to be bluntly honest with her about her behavior so she can see it for herself!I hope things get better!!!!Keep me posted! :)
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