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stupid stupid stupid...
my mom divorced my dad when i was like 3 or 4 and after that, i got to see him like 2 times a year. once on my b-day and once in summer when he takes me sumwhere. i really enjoyed spending time w/ my dad. i love my dad. sure, he made sum mistakes but i can tell he changed. but my mom and my gma hates him... and alwayz said mean stuff when he came to see me...it really hurt that i was the only 1 that really loved him still. he's still my dad.then my only gpa left died. then along came my mom's bf (now husband) who moved in w/ us when they weren't married yet. he was there a year or so b4 they got married. he seemed nice...i tried getting along w/ him but he was such a &%%#&!! he and my mom lectured my dad everytime he came to visit me and take me sumwhere. then after a few times, he never came over again...he just called or send me a card on my b-day...that didn't last long cuz he got lectured on the phone too...i never heard from my dad again.i knew he married sum1 else already, but it feels like he forgot about me and it hurts.. then my mom got married to my current step dad..then i alwayz hear them saying bad stuff about my dad whenever they receive the child support check from my dad...i cried so much the 1st time my dad didn't see me on my b-day or call to talk to me. i was heart broken and started feeling hatred towards my step dad. its been more than 3 years since he took away my time w/ my dad. and i still hate him...ppl dun understand y i hate my step dad so much...imagine if they were in my place..i lost my dad twice...then the worst thing is, i talked to my mom about how i feel. she yelled at me and said, "u don't care about me and MY life?!"...then she wants me to call my step dad "dad". i said i didn't want to cuz i have a dad and no 1 could replace him. she told me to forget about him and got in an argument. she got upset w/ me and she said she never liked my dad's attitude and she told me in my face that i was an accident. she started crying and walked away and my step dad comes in and says "now look what u've done" and walks away after my mom...i was hurt so much that i couldn't sleep. my eyes were bursting into tears and i couldn't think nemore...when i noticed, i had a craft knife in my hand and blood on my left wrist. it was only a minor cut, but i was still shocked in what i just did.i just forgot about everything and sat on my bed....then i just started having hatred against my step dad even more. cuz i can never forgive him for taking my dad away from me and taking my mom away from me. she was the only person in my family that i told everything to... i hate him. i can't stand him talking to me, i can't stand his actions and i can't even stand him being in the same house as me...i want to get out of this house...i wish i can start over and change everything...i just dunno what to do...cuz every now and then, fights, arguments and just little disagreements upset me so much that i start to cry all the time...i really need help...i dunno what to do....for once, i'm serious and concerned about what to do....i need help...
-salami
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I know that I will never be able to experience the same pain as you (for my parents are not divorced) but you still can't blame your step dad and mom for their actions. I treat my ex-boyfriend like crap, and being in your step dad's position probably isn't so reassuring in his case. I have to admit that I wasn't too happy finding that my ex-boyfriend had found a new girl and both of them probably want to completely forget about your real father. I think that it would be best if you didn't mention your dad around them anymore because your it probably brings back too many bad memories for your mom and your step dad is probably just protecting your mom; however, you should get in touch with your dad as soon as you get out of highschool. 2 more years isn't too far away. I would write a better note but my mom is yelling at me right now and I g2g to a volleyball tournie. I love you asami! don't forget that.
~Joce
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