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Integrity Issue
My live in gives me a preset amount of money every other week to help with expenses. He indicated the company he works for had not given him his overtime. After thinking about it, it occurred to me that he doesn't always get OT and he still gives me the preset amount. This bothered me so I looked in his pockets for his pay stub. Well, they did pay his overtime. His take home was considerably more than he said. Why would he lie about this? I didn't ask how much he got paid, he went out of his way to tell me. If he needed the money for something else, he should have just said he needed it and couldn't give me the usual amount. I never question him about his check. In fact he set the amount he wanted to give me and told me when we started to live together that if he couldn't pay that amount he would let me know, whatever the reason. I feel the only reason he would lie is he was doing something he shouldn't be. How do I approach this? I am really bothered.
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Well, what is is he shouldn't be doing is shirking his obligations, for whatever reason. It could be a number of factors, though. You would have a better handle on what's "normal" for him and what's not, so, in fairness, I won't address that issue. However, it would be prudent to delve into it if you think that it may be something that could become a habit or pattern. How's his demeanor lately? Does he exhibit any mood swings? How's his temperment? I think you see where I may be going with this. Of course, it could be something as simple as his trying to determine just how far he can get without paying as agreed and what your response will be to it. As for how to appraoch it, just explain it to him as you did earlier. tell him that you've thought about it and it doesn't seem that his receiving ot would have any effect on his paying and you're a little befuddled ( I like that word ) by it. He should offer at that point, an explanation.
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I think you should look at his check yourself see what he has and, if you need that money for expenses as in feeding his cleaners, bills you should get a whole lot more, but if you live in a APT. you should get alot MORE!!!!!
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Lying is doing something he shouldn't, and not paying his way is also doing something he shouldn't. If he is doing more than that (and he probably is) it's beside the point. You know now he is dishonest, and not dependable where it comes to finances. Weigh these bad points against his good points, and decide what you want to do, continue on this path or end it, because I really believe if you confront him, things will only get worse.
My personal opinion is - I would tell him that it isn't working and you want him to move out. Then he will ask why. Tell him he has not been dependable finacially and you know he is dishonest. You don't have to tell him you went through his pockets because he will get mad. But it is really up to you if you want to put up with this.
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Maybe he's using his money to pay for drugs, so that his ass doesn't get capped. I say talk to him about it. But, don't tell him you were snooping through his things, he might think you're looking for his secret stash of cocaine or something, and cap your ass.
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