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Is there anything I can do?
I recently found out that my father has gotten married for the sixth time. I haven't seen him in five years. I am currently seventeen and live in Kentucky. I know that my father is an abusive, selfish man. He cheats constantly. He has a thing for young girls. Girls my age, and he's around forty now. I don't know his wife's age, but I do know that she will be abused emotionally and physically. I am honestly amazed that someone as lazy as him could put so much effort into tearing down another person. He never keeps a job for longer than a month, never pays child support, and just generally does little to support his children or anyone else. He preys on vulnerable women, finding younger girls with low self esteem, who are easy to manipulate. I need to know, is there anything I can do about this? Anything at all? Legally or otherwise. I feel responsible for this, for this woman's safety and for my father's actions. I know I'm doing nothing wrong myself, but years ago I watched this man put a young woman in the hospital. I need to do something. So please. If there's anything you can think of, any way I could make the authorities intervene, please tell me.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Alert them until they do something about it.
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Have your father ever put his hands on you? I think you should warn these women he is constantly bringing in about his behavior and actions. If you are really that concern than get the police involved anonymously because, it sounds like your father has a psychological problem. why do you feel responsible for your father actions? If these females are the same age as you when he abuse them do he think of you some kind of way?
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I know how you feel. My ex husband was verbally abusive all our marriage until I finally left him after 30 years. I see him at family functions still and he is pleasant enough due to fact I am remarried and new husband wouldn't stand for that.
On the the comparison. I have seen him go through 4 girlfriends already. I know how it all will end. He is relationship challenged, abusive and also has some mental issues. The latest one came to my daughters baby shower I hosted at the exs as he volunteered cus no family has a place big enough.
My daughter said to me, "I really like Jane, she's such a sweet nice person. I hope she isn't hurt by Dad. Lets go back to when I was with him, not a single one of my friends ever said a thing to me about how he treated me and to get out and leave him, only my parents. People don't like to get involved in warning a person not to date or marry someone. Most of us have already learned in life that until the woman herself is ready and can see the problems for herself and wants to get out, that it is too early to intervene.
It bothers me too but after saying something to warn some women long ago when I was earlier, I saw it made no difference. Here's two reasons it didn't make a difference. In the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is on their best behavior and sweet. It isn't until they feel they have snagged the fish on the hook that they feel okay to let their true self show. So someone warning a lady during this early honeymoon period start of the relationship, she will not see the advice as anything but meddlesome, being a trouble maker for nothing. The second issue is once the person has shown their true colors, the abused person does not feel strong enough to leave the relationship, they are too scared, etc. It is only when a female goes around asking people who know both of them for their opinion of the abuser and shares with them what is going on and saying she's had enough that a person can say something and be supportive and help her get away.
This is why I believe self confidence to be the best thing a young woman can have. Not only will it keep most abusers from approaching her cus she is too much trouble/not an easy target, but the self confidence attracts good men who find that quality in women to be an aphrodisiac. In general one must be careful when confronted with a potential partner who has been married before or in a long string of dating relationships that don't last long because unless the female was the problem, then there is something the guy is doing that is detrimental to healthy relationships.
All you can do is see if she wants to befriend you. Then keep close watch on her for signs of abuse. If you see any after she's already been with him a while, you could mention you noticed bruises, or whatever and ask if she is being abused. Even if she says no, she has experienced it and deep down does know it. This is tricky as to what to do next. I may be wrong but I might say that the guy she is with, has been married multiple times and each female eventually left him due to abuse (only if that is true) and then offer to help her if and when she is ready to leave him.
I would be the first to jump in if lets say a person was attempting to kidnap a child who can't speak for themselves yet. But when it is an adult, they need to learn this for themselves. If you save her from your Dad but she hasn't changed inside, still low self esteem and easy to manipulate, then the next guy and the next will all be abusers as well, until she learned the lesson to grow as a person and no longer place herself in such situations.
That hon, is what I had to learn. Even if I left the husband for good, I had to know that it wasn't a fluke, that I got lucky. I had to know that I could repeatedly stand up for myself and leave if it happened again. And so the very next guy I dated and shared a place with, became verbally abusive too after being sweet the first 2 months. Once sharing an apt and with no place else to go, I had to decide to leave him anyways. I told all my friends about my situation and finally one friend said I could come stay with them while I saved up money to get into a place of my own.
The very fact that I left and had passed this test with flying colors, meant I was now ready for a really good man. And I met that man 2 months later. He is now my husband. Sorry, but this is all I have on the subject and I know its not what you were hoping for but trying to warn her now would not work.
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Let me start by saying you are in no way responsible for your father or his actions. I understand your concern for the safety of the young women he is seeking out to marry.
Your feeling of the need to warn them is not a responsibility; it is more of a need or a desire to try and protect them. If you truly feel it is a responsibility to the definition of the word. Then I would suggest you seek out therapy with a psychologist as this feeling of responsibility for your fathers actions is wrong and will cause you problems later in life.
As long as the girls your father seeks to woo and marry are of legal age to consent there is not much the authorities can do to stop a marriage. Once they are married domestic violence laws differ from state to state. Your local library should have a copy of the Stat code for your state where you can read up on the domestic violence law. Mental abuse is generally not covered under that law only physical abuse.
Was your father charged with domestic violence when he put that women in the hospital? In some states the police can make the charge in others the victim must file the charge.
Many victims of domestic violence will not file any charges. They feel because of the mental abuse which accompany the physical abuse they are wrong.
What I'm about to say now may offend you but you have asked what you can do and this is something you can do should you chose to.
If your father was not charged with Domestic Violence and the state has a domestic violence law then there is a statue of limitation as to how long you have to file charges. If you know the women and can find her and talk to her. Then try and convince her she did nothing wrong and that your father needs to learn he cannot do this to her or those that came before her or the ones who will come after her. Convince her to file charges and you can talk to the District Attorney or States Attorney as to whether you would be a good witness for the prosecution.
Your father will not stop abusing women until he is stopped or he kills someone. Abuser have a personality defect that they have to recognize and learn to control as personality defect cannot be fixed with a pill.
Men who abuse women will continue to do so and many will end up hurting a women to the point the police will have no choice then to file attempted murder charges. One way or the other your father will eventually end up facing a judge. At the moment you can control what the charge could be.
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