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overcoming a mental illness without any help?
So im not sure if i have avoidant personality disorder or social anxiety disorder but i do know my anxiety and mental health is starting to control my life and i want it to stop. My symptoms are.. not being able to take criticism or negative feedback, i always end up crying, any change of actions or change in peoples tones of voices make me feel uneasy as if the person is mad at me and again makes me cry. I dont like being the centre of attention, if something embarrassing happens to me in front of people i start panicking and my heart starts racing faster, i cant take rejection especially when its in front of people again it will make me cry, i cant deal with confrontation all it does is make me run away,and also to this day the confrontations ive had are still haunting me in my dreams im over them consciously but i guess not subconsciously. I was always the quiet kid in class at first it was shyness but then in highschool whenever i would talk people would say "why do you talk like that?" or why do you have no emotion in your face? (Apparently i have a monotone voice and my face has no emotion at all) so now i fear people are judging me whenever i talk so i dont and when i do talk in public my voice is automatically soft-spoken now so that people dont detect my monotone voice and i cant control being soft-spoken sometimes my voice is so low that it sounds like im mumbling. Also i dont know why i do this but whenever i talk to people,even if theyre the same age as me i always treat them like theyre superior even though theyre not. My anxiety got really bad in grade 12 when i did a group presentation and i was the centre of attention i was prepared for it but as soon as it was my turn i was shaking, my face turned hot and my eyes were blacking out and i could just feel one of my group members annoyed with how i was presenting, if i talked any longer i wouldve fainted. My first year of university i had one class where the teacher forced us to talk in front of everyone and my anxiety made me avoid going to that class.i finally got a job and the job requires me to interact with customers and so far it has been so hard,i dont know why im afraid of people. I can talk to people if they talk to me first but i wont talk to them first. My sister at her work made tons of friends and shes only been working 3 days meanwhile ive been working for 3 weeks now and ive just now made 2 friends at my work. I also avoid entering rooms by myself that are already filled with a lot of people because i hate being looked at, and if theres a crowd of boys thats when my anxiety kicks in the most. I dont want to compare myself to my sister shes 2 years younger than me but shes already been in almost relationships with guys at least 3 times and at her workplace her new friends all complimented how she looked. Meanwhile i dont get any compliments or male attention, my dad said its cause i always have an angry expression on my face (resting b face) but i use that as a defense mechanism. Any tips on how to overcome this? I know none of you are doctors but i just want some advice thanks im 18 turning 19 year old female.
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It is vitally important that you not live as though you suffer from a mental illness until a psychiatrist consults proper criteria and tells you that you have one. You cannot diagnose yourself or allow that to hold you back. Only they can pinpoint a problem and come up with treatment.
I think you should see your family doctor and outline the problem you are having and how it is constantly negatively impacting life and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. From what you have written it does seem to be an anxiety problem that completely consumes. They will know exactly what to do.
Can you solve this by yourself or without their help? Probably not. There's nothing wrong with taking medical help or medicine if it makes your life better. Seek out help now.
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I used to have social anxiety. What you describe sounds exactly like it. I was like that as far back as I have memories, so as a little child. I do not know what cause some people to be like this, but despite the fact that distorted thinking is involved, I know I didn't directly do anything to become that way. I also know there is a way to overcome it. But like you, I had to get to a point when it was no longer comfortable 'putting up with' my own issues cause I knew if I didn't do something, it would be worse than not enjoying HS, but not having friends, a mate, and affecting any future jobs. So last yr of HS I prayed and asked God for help. I actually got back a step by step program to overcome my fears. The only way to prove to oneself that no one will want to hear from me, or think the worst of me was to face my fears and slowly push forward through what was uncomfortable. the nice thing is you get to go at your own pace. I will share that with you. I found though that I still had a tiny bit of lack of self confidence and later in my 30s finally saw an article in a magazine for women with a suggestion that worked for me. If you want the self confidence cure, just ask me as This will be long enough without adding that. I can send it to you later when you ask. Right now, heres my story of how to overcome social anxiety.
It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.
1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.
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Hiya!... ahem. *cough cough*. DR.D
just highlighting that first bit. *cough* DR.
just joking around.
I'm Dr.D. And its nice to meet you! :-D
You may not be experiencing any disorder, though I could name a few. I am actually very very understanding of this stuff, because my older sister has autism. Its not bad. Its natural. But it can effect her. It makes her shy, and nervous, and she has hard times talking with people she is unfamiliar with. For you, I doubt you have any kind of disease. So don't be scared! :-)
To me, it sounds like all you have is a case of shyness. For suggestions of how to overcome this. I suggest you practice on your customers. For Example. When you see a customer, introduce yourself. Say your name and then ask how may I help you. If your job is to interact with people then practice on them. Start talking with them while you work. Ask them questions like hows your day. Or about the weather. Just simple topics that you'd bring up with a customer. And remember. Depending on what you do as a job, you'll probably never see that one person ever again. So be calm. And try your best :)
Then when you feel comfortable talking to customers. Try to interact with your coworkers. Find out what some of their interests are, and try to bond with them that way. The more you talk to one another, the more you'll get closer.
By the way, I dont know what you look like. But I can tell from what I've read from you. You have a beautiful personality. And you are perfect the way you are. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
I wish you good luck! and you have a good day :-)
-Dr.D
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Not being a doctor I can't make any type of diagnoses past I agree with you that you have problem. Something in your letter makes me feel you are from out side the US, possibly Canada, Great Briton or Australia, in which case you have Nation Health insurance.
I'm not sure how National Health Insurance covers they type of help you need and you do need professional help to over come your problems. The type of problems you are experiencing requires at the very least one on one talk therapy with a qualified psychologist who can help you get at the root cause of your problem.
Somewhere deep in the dark recesses of your mind something happened to cause these problems. On your own you will not find out what the root cause is and you will not find a solution either for you have built a wall around this cause. In talk therapy you will slowly and comfortably open that wall.
I would also say that based on what you have written that you could also be mildly depressed. The stress caused by the problems and the anxiety added together will cause depression. Once again talk therapy will lift the veil of the depression so that you can get to the root cause of your problems.
How do I know this is true. After being involved in auto accident, I was the only person injured and the innocent victim of a three car accident, I became severely depressed as the accident disabled me in a manner that I look fine outwardly but inwardly I am injured. My injuries are such that I am unable to return to a job I enjoyed and forced to retire early. I went to talk therapy and slowly through therapy I regained control over my life. I still cannot work though I have been able to reconcile with my new life.
If you do live in the US and have health insurance through your employer talk therapy is covered if you do not and live someplace that has National Health Insurance find out how to see a psychiatrist fro the most likely need for a referral to a therapist.
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