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Dying
I sacrificed my life for my daughter. Her father who I divorced because he,was,abusive, physically and emotionally. I moved away when the divorce was final and concentrated on my new job who gave me the opportunity for a good life to support my child because her father never helped. To this day he has never admitted what he did and I minimized what he did. So my daughter visits him like he was the one who sacrificed for her. I left my family, friends a familiar place now many years have past. Daughter got married to a multi degrees ass. He doesn't respect me and she goes along with him but acts like that's not the case. A mother knows. I tried to remarry, he died 14 months after we wed. Put me in financial turmoil. I'm crawling out but so tired. You are nothing without support. Nothing without family. I was there for my daughter but wasn't rich enough to pay for all her college degrees. She has three degrees and student loAns that she blames me for. I paid what I could trying to keep a home for her to come home to on breaks. She went to best schools. He got yet another degree but can't put her in the same life style she grew up in, I grew up in. The other day I got fed up and told him whAt I thought. I can't stand him. He lunged at me once before , he did it agAin. And he is a Professor. He is a piece of suit. His family are ghetto snakes. I look around me I have nothing to live for . I'm sure he continues to turn my grandson against me. The pain is too much . This is my last entry. Anonymous so no cry for help.looking for how to leave here without pain. Ill miss the Lord's blue skies.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Please understand there are people who love and care a great deal for you. Although it might seem like it this isn't the end of happiness for you. I strongly believe you should step back and allow your daughter to live her life make mistakes and arrays know you are there for her. Often young women will put up with so much for a man's love even allow him to take her through hell and back all while pushing those who truly care for them away. The time will come where she will need you. Believe me when I tell you it's only a matter of time. In the mean time why not focus on yourself? Find friends you can spend time with. Join a club sports league or take a fun artsy course. You could join a gym. Get fit and compete in fitness competitions. I'm just throwing ideas out there. Please know how special you are. This moment of hurt and pain isn't worth taking your life and entering the unknown.
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Killing yourself may only hurt her for a little while then she will move on. Death is final, there is no coming back.
What stops you from returning to where you have friends and family. Sure you would like to know your grandson. I would love to know my great Nephew but distance makes it impossible so I do the next best thing and remember him on birthdays and holidays with gifts he wants.
Before you do anything drastic call this number 1-800-273-8255. It is the National Suicide Prevention Hot Line. They can help you.
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I agree that if you were strong enough to leave an abusive man as I was, then you are strong enough to face whatever life brings you.
Right now, you are more lonely and alone and that is the real issue besides finances.
Not having somebody to love you does not seem a worthwhile reason to want to end ones life. You didn't really ask a question so I can only give my opinion on what I saw written here. Your daughter may have a similar road of learning ahead, having married the first time to a man who is, as you said, a piece of shit. It can take a long time for a woman in a bad marriage to come to her senses and realize whats what and decide to leave a bad husband. That day will come eventually for your daughter and she will need you then, but if you end life now, you won't be here for her.
If you remarried and it was happily but lasted only 14 months, perhaps you are still grieving over that loss? I don't know but if thats a possibility, a grievance counselor at the very least is much needed. No woman is too old to marry again, and it is always possible until she is dead. I don't know why you haven't tried again. I am happily married the 2nd time and this summer is 8 years for us. The fact yours lasted so short before he died must be a fluke. I doubt that will happen again. If you can open your heart to the possibility of love from a husband again, then having that someone at your side to hold you and comfort you during this time that things aren't going well with daughter and son in law, is a wonderful thing to have. I know because nothing is totally perfect in my family either. The oldest daughter disowned all family and took off with my granddaughter from her 1st marriage. She is remarried a 3rd time and last I heard from her birth dad was that he was getting custody of her as CPS was involved in another state, the granddaughter and a new baby were both physically abused. Heart ache is at every turn in life. It's how we weather the storms that count, not how we try to avoid them cus I don't think that is not possible to avoid the storms of life. Only sometimes do we end up temporarily in the eye of the storm where all seems nice and peaceful but that doesn't last for long. I hope you are still around to read this. I don't believe you want anyone to tell you to call suicide prevention line which is an option. But I believe you are stronger and a fighter. To give up now makes all you've done and learned so far in life, have no purpose or meaning. To get this far and give up is just a waste. You mention the Lord but I don't know what you believe beyond His existance. If you are hoping that ending your life means just going to a place of rest...you may be surprised if thats not how it pans out. There is a belief in reincarnation which I am pretty sure is the way things go. After all, it was a popular belief in Jesus time and when questioned if He was Elijah or some other come back, the people were talking about reincarnation Jesus didn't rebuke them for that belief but simply said he wasn't those people they thought he might be. He rebuked other beliefs and things very distinctly, just not reincarnation. So what if after this life, thinking you took the easy way out of your misery, that you are going to have to be reincarnated into a similar life, again until you successfully manage to go through whatever experiences and lessons you were meant to go through? I have heard it said that life is merely like school with grades. Our soul is what passes from one grade up to the next as we learn, a process to become more like God and able to stay with Him in heaven But until that day, we must go from one life to the next and next until we finally graduate to living our eternal lives with God in Heaven. If you attempt to beg out early from this one, you may have to face the same in the next life. Do you want to put it off til later, so to speak, or drum up that toughness we know you already have and move forward. Start talking to God. It'll seem one sided for quite a while until you exercise that spiritual muscle in your head so you can telepathically hear Gods voice inside your head. But thats a good place to start because among many other situations where I have talked with God, the area of finding the right guy the second time around was a big one for me and God surprising not only told me to leave the abusive 1st husband but talked to me alot about finding a new husband. He does care about things like that.But keep in mind He gave each of us a free will to do as we wish so He can't magically wave a wand and "make" your daughter come to her senses by force. Same as he can't make some man decide to even meet you. From talks with my husband, we both realize now that God brought my dating profile across his path a year and 1/2 before he finally wrote me, thinking I was too good to be true, he'd had some failures and disappointments. He exercised his will to resist while he kept hearing God say to just give it a try and write to me. Eventually he did, LOL only to get Gods voice to stop reminding him. And to his surprise, he and i were perfect for each other and fell deeply in love. I would wish love for you in this life. However, you have a will too and if you decide to not give life a try, then perhaps you will find love in the next life.
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First, please don't give up on yourself. you are a strong amazing person. you were strong enough to leave your ex husband and get a divorce.
You did what you thought was best to raise your daughter in the best circumstances that you could.
You have so much to live for. your grand children. You are a strong amazing person and have been so strong! you worked hard to get a great job!
Life has so many adventures waiting for you still :) Maybe take this time to talk to a therapist. They can help you get your light back :)
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