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Was it my fault Was this rape or just me being stupid?
A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid?
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First off, please do not blame yourself in this situation. Whether you were sober or drunk has nothing to do with his actions. I'm very sorry that this happened to you. If you weren't conscious to give consent, then yes that was rape. I pray that you have the strength to get through this. Your AA sponsor is right, and if you haven't told your parents I encourage you to. God bless you
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It is not your fault. Even if you said yes - being drunk means its not consent. Also since he pushed you under the water you probably didnt give consent but even if you did its okay, its not your fault.
People think that its the victims fault for being drunk but its not. Alchol and clothing is not the cause of rape, rapists are.
You need to report this if you havent,and get some help. You may feel like you dont need help but in the future you will suffer if you dont get help now. If you dont report it, he will just do it to more and more girls.
Please never feel like this is your fault. Message me if you need to talk
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It is never the females fault no matter what. It is the males fault for not exercising self control and just not having sex. It is his fault for choosing to force a female to have sex either by threats of knife, gun or just his own strength or using drugs to take away her ability to resist or say no.
When a female wants sex, she usually will find a friend with benefits or get a boyfriend. She doesnt let her desires for sex let her run rampant thru society, she doesnt walk up to guys and grab their crotch or slap their rear, she doesn't hit the guy til he fall unconscious and then strip him and do blow jobs to first get him erect and then attempt to mount, she doesn't put drugs into his drinks to make him unable to resist, she doesn't do body building to have superior muscle strength to force a man against his will to have sex. stalking a man and attacking him in dark lonely places, etc....... If you c an't imagine doing these kinds of things, because they are wrong, then what makes it wrong for you and right for a male to do? It is never ever right.
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You were raped. He gave you drugs to make sure you were unable to refuse. Because you couldn't have consented, you didn't consent. That makes it rape.
Your AA sponsor is correct.
Even if if you were too drunk, he had a basic human responsibility to NOT rape you. It's still stealing if you break into someone's house when they are out for dinner. It's not their fault for going out to dinner. They are allowed to go out for dinner, and they can still expect not to be stolen from.
You are allowed, as a human being, to be much too drunk, and still not be raped. There is literally nothing you can ever do, no mistake you can ever make, that means you deserve to be forced to have sex.
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You were raped. Rape is never the fault of the person being raped. You were drunk, you were fed narcotics either of these two would make you unable to consent to sex. This is the definition of rape.
By law if you are inebriated, drugged or unconscious then you cannot consent to sex therefore it is rape. The guy may claim you consented but you were in no condition to knowingly consent that is the defining line.
Given the amount of time that has passed it may be hard to prove. You are going to need witnesses to testify to the condition you were in and that he drugged you. That is for the police and prosecutor to locate what you need is to supply names or at the very least where the party took place and who hosted.
You file charges against this guy and let the police and prosecutors build a case. IF he did this to you he has done it to others. By filing charges others may come forward.
I would also like you to contact the following organization. They are RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National, Network. Their number is 800-656-HOPE. They will connect you with a center in your area that will help you find the professionals to help you through this.
I am so sorry you went through this. Don't let this guy get away with what he has done to you. Call the police ask to speak to a detective in the sex crimes unit. File charges and call RAINN for help.
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