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HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS
my bro is getting married to a hoebag with two kids by two diff men and she gets NO CHILD SUPPORT...her parents are wealthy and they bought her a house and they are paying for the wedding, that alone says this chic is broke...anyway since I don't approve of my bro marrying this user and he also told this user that I don't like her which is something she had already felt from the jump....which is true I cant stand her....I don't like people who use people and are gimmie gimmie chics.....anyway...my bro wont speak to me since I don't like the hoebag and of course he doesn't want me at the wedding since I don't approve, but my dad is making me go....but my bro reiterated to me don't go since you don't approve of it...I think he is making the biggest mistake of his life.....what would you/how would you handle this? thanks
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First with the exception of honoring thy parent I don't see how your dad can force you to go. Now anyone can attend the church service even without an invitation. I would think given the information you have supplied you did not receive an invitation to the wedding.
If they are having a church wedding you could attend the Church service without an invitation to the wedding. The wedding invitation while it includes the services is also primarily to celebrate the wedding at the reception afterwards.
If you have not received an invitation then you need to explain to your dad that you cannot attend and why. Explain to him in great detail, without calling her a hoebag, that you disapprove of this marriage and you now ex-friend is well aware of your feelings. He has been very pointed and specific that he does not want you at his wedding. That it would be rude of you to attend without an invitation and you would not want to further ruin his day by causing a problem for him.
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If you aren't invited to the wedding, don't go.
If you are invited, go, and be respectful.
The fact you don't like her, and don't approve of this marriage is well known. Showing up isn't going to change the fact everyone is totally, 100% clear about your opinion. You don't approve.
All that showing up, and not being asshole means, is that you love and support your brother even when he does really, really stupid things.
When someone is in a bad relationship, isolating them from family and others who love them is the worst thing to do. If you want to be there when he needs you, that means not shutting him out now.
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Unfortunately, there is little you can do.
I'm assuming by "bro" you mean your biological brother? Either way, you two are apparently close enough to have such strong feelings.
In my years I have witnessed my friends and siblings enter in to relationships that I hated. A friend in high school, her boyfriend was physically abusive. My sister was dating a verbally abusive and manipulative man for a very long time. Many other friends have been involved with men that I just down right didn't like, and there's a huge difference.
There is a difference between a significant other that is abusive and harmful (situation A), and a significant other that I just didn't like (situation B). In situation B I had to learn a tough lesson. Just because I personally would never date that person, doesn't mean that that man doesn't make her happy. And yes, some of them were broke, some of them had children, and some of them were just down right losers. But they for all intents and purposes treated my friend right and made them happy and I had to learn to hold my tongue.
When someone attack someones you love, your initial response is to go into the defensive. You are putting them in a position where they feel like they have to choose between two important people in their lives and a lot of times, because you are the one forcing them into that awful position, they lean even harder on the very person you are trying to get rid of. It almost never has the desired effect and honestly, it isn't a caring thing to do. The best thing you can do for your brother is be there for him and try your best to understand his position. You love your brother and he loves this woman so there is surely something about her that you could love too and you need to find that in her. At the very least, love the fact that she makes him happy.
As for the Situation B people, when it came to my friends, yes, a lot of times these relationships didn't work out. But when it was all said and done I was still there for them because I supported them. I didn't force them to make a decision that they shouldn't have to make. Loving someone doesn't mean you have to understand everything they do. I strongly urge that you try and fix things before the wedding. I think down the road, both you and your brother will really regret that you weren't there.
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