|
Forced confirmation
Hello, I am a 13 year old girl. My parents are Catholics and so is most my family (and it's not like the non Catholic ones are outside of Christianity-they are methodists, protestants, etc) but I'm Wiccan, and have been for 4 years. Well, actually, ever since I was really little I never fit in with the church and thought other things, I just didn't find a name for it until later. I do as much as I can to practice my faith. But my parents (particularly my mom) want to force me into it! My mother keeps saying "blah blah blah take the good with the bad!" But if I can find a religion (*cough* Wicca *cough*) that (in my opinion) has no bad why should I settle for something else?! And she keeps talking about keeping an "open mind" but I have and that's why I'm Wiccan! My plan is as soon as I'm off on my own I leave the church (I've done research and found out how), join a coven and say bye bye to Catholicism but I just feel so sick thinking about having to be catholic until I'm an adult. I study very hard in school so I can get my own place and support myself as quickly as I can, and leave quicker. What I want to know is, is this legal (I live in New York) and if it is, how else can I get out of this? Absolutely no part of me wants this.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
well hello i should of course advice to be that perfect child but no as my opinion i think you need some time to realize what you really want to do so just take a deep breath try at once to enter that church and see what s wrong with it go make some research about all religion that you want to know about take some time to make a good decision then i ll tell you what you should do and how to deal with this situation with your parents ... believe me i can help you about it ... i ve been trough this once with my family they are orthodox but i chose to be another thing ...
best regards
Pamela Kaspar
]
Hi there...I don't know if this will help you or not, but in reality, everyone is born of the same religion.
]
I'd suggest talking to your pastor or priest (or, ideally, in a larger church you'll probably have a catechist who is in charge of preparing people for the sacrament of confirmation) and telling them you don't want to be confirmed, because it would be a lie to say you believe and are committed to the Church.
There are lots of things your parents can make you do. For my part, I always happily go to mass with my parents, because it's something that is important to them as a member of the family. I don't participate in sacraments, but I sit and listen out of respect to my families traditions.
However, confirmation is a public affirmation of faith, and you shouldn't feel compelled to make it. Officially, the church doesn't want you to be forced to lie. Chances are good that if you are honest that you do not believe the affirmations of faith, the church wont want you to be confirmed. Your parents might expect you to lie, but most priests and faith leaders I know would rather you be honest, even if that means honestly not being Catholic.
On a personal note: I was confirmed at age 14 even though I know I didn't believe in the Catholic Church at all. My parents didn't force me, but I felt too afraid of disappointing my family to not go through with it. Although I do regret not standing up for what I believed in back then, it has had absolutely zero effect on my life now, besides that small bit of regret. It was a meaningless lie pressured out of a young teenage girl.
]
I'm not a Catholic though I believe that in confirmation you are agreeing to accept Christ. If you are not a believer then you should not be going through confirmation regardless of what your parents are trying to force upon you.
What I'm about to suggest is going to be painful as in cause problems between you and your parents. I would suggest that before you accept confirmation you speak with your priest, probably in confession where your parents can't hear and the priest can't say anything back to them. Tell the priest you do not accept the church and that you are a Wiggin.
Remember one thing that until the stroke of your 18th birthday your parents with minor exception can control your every movement and everything about you. This includes seeing to your religious upbringing. What they cannot do is force you to answer in the affirmative when asked to accept Christ. They can make your life miserable if you don't.
The priest will probably tell you to pray for guidance or something to that effect. Tell him you do not want to be guided you know what you want you just don't want to embarrass him or your parents at confirmation by saying no to accepting Christ. Then see what his answer is.
]
You have two concerns here to cover:
About parents making you do the Catholic thing
Information about becoming an emancipated teen.
I'll go over the first and let you know that one in Wicca or any other pagan belief, doesn't necessarily have to be part of a coven. I have met more of what they term 'solitary practioners' of Wicca, pagan, druid, etc than ones doing the group thing. That aside, your parents asking you to have an open mind makes me wonder quite a lot of things. Like whether they are just saying that but do not have an open mind themselves, whether like some parents, are not into religion or truly really believers but go out of habit cus they were raised that way, or parents who feel that all children need to have some kind of basic education in traditional religion cus for some reason they beleive it will make you grow up to be a better person. None of those are solid reasons.
However, parents will train their kids, or 'force' them to attend that which they believe is best, even if they may be wrong.
To have it easier and more peaceful, meaning less hassling and nagging, it's best if you just pretend to have that 'open and accepting mind ' and just follow thru the motions. I know you don't believe this way and you can in your heart still do some things for yourself in secret if attempting to do the solitary practioner thing for now.
I feel very comfortable with pagan beliefs myself but I come from a Christian background and am more an eclectic mix of spiritualist and pagan. I know that God and Holy spirit translate for me to God and Goddess or Lord and Lady if you will as some pagan beliefs use those terms. I read that the Holy Spirit used to be referred to as a She but when the Bible was put together by men, they changed it to He. I always felt that the Holy Spirit was the Goddess. So if it gives you any comfort, the Goddess is still with you, even if you don't believe or like the rest of Catholicism. Most of what I do for my faith is all inside of me, thoughts and actions and very seldom do I need or f eel the need for ritual. For example, You can stand outside and gaze up at the full moon, a symbol for the feminine and the Goddess and be having a conversation with her but your parents being non the wiser. Its best to wait until you are of legal age to do as you will or become an emancipated teen. I am out of time here and must go but if you check with Adviceman, I know hes answered on the emancipated teen stuff before and can explain details.
Blessed be, dear.
]
More Questions: |