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My boyfriend hits me because i told him about something wrong i did
In the start of our relationship he seemed to be perfect but then i told him about something wrong i did because i felt hidding things will be wrong. I had a boy best friend who was my boyfriend before him but i dated him for one month and was friends with him since two years. One day i was at my best friends house and we got drunk and he kissed me i told him i love my biyfriend and i cant do this. He said i am sorry for everything it is my fault such thing wont happen again. I forgave him. I told my boyfriend about everything and that time he supported me and said its okay but then later on problems started more and he started getting pissed he told me that he hates that i still talk to him and i told him he is my best friend and you wers altight before then later on he forced me to throw him out of my life by beating me and abusing me. I did the same. Later on he started doubting me with every guy and then he started verbally abusing me first called me slut and then hit me again. When i argue with hin that i am not doing anything wrong now he hits me and says you are wrong. He has hit me 20 to 25 times in the 6 month relationship. He is very contolling. I dont talk to any of my friends. I dont go out. I am not allowed to argue. I am taunted always, abused and then beaten up if i share what i feel. He has some major temper issues and he blames me for everything that is happening. He used to beat his ex gfs also as he said they cheated on him and broke his heart. What should i do?
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I have been though this as well i actually just left my boyfriend about a week ago. Things will never get better hun. i lived through this for over a year hoping that i could earn his trust back and fix everything. But you never will. Truth is he does not trust you anymore and that is extremely hard to earn back. My story was a best guy friend that i had known since i was 5 and he truly only was a friend. my boyfriend seen a message from him saying "Love you, bye" and even though we had been saying that for years as friend love he never got over it. 3 years later he still brought it up constantly even though i had deleted my facebook and even changed my number just so he could not contact me. It messed u my life. and i hope you dont do the same. You need to leave hun and when you do you will be so happy you did. friends are the best thing you could have in this crappy world. you need as many as you can get. I have alot of experience with this is you need any more help with anything email me! brittany.j.konschuh@outlook.com
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It's very common that you (unintentionally) triggered his past - when you said that you had cheated in the past, it reminded him of HIS past and how HIS exs cheated on him. This is in no way whatsoever your fault. Clearly, he feels like he has to control you so that you can't do the same thing that his exs did to him, but you should not have to put up with that. You were very honest with him and that's good, and you don't sound like the type of person to cheat whatsoever and any guy should admire that about you, that you're loyal, instead of abusing you for one mistake you made. Please know that this is not your fault, he obviously has deep emotional scars that he is taking out on you. Tell someone: the police, a friend, a family member - anyone! Please do not put up with this, you don't deserve it. You deserve to be free and with someone who will love and support you, not treat you like that. I really do wish the best for you.
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Razhie told you all the right things. But I know from life experience of being in the same kind of situation, being abused by ex husband, that tho the answer is Simple...and you already deep down know it, it just isn't Easy...to carry out.
I think what you may really need is to view your situation from another viewpoint, where you still come to the same conclusion and leave him. But it's to help your mind understand how to follow thru and take the steps to get help and leave him.
In my situation, I can say I was in the abusive situation for the extreme pressure it brought into my life. Most likely you are too. It may sound crazy but looking back, I didn't do my major leaps and jumps in personal growth and maturing and learning until the pressure kept increasing. Its much like a diamond is formed...the most sought after and hardest stone out there. But it didn't become a diamond until some carbon underwent extreme pressure under the earths crust to become that diamond. Life on earth is not easy, there are challenges a plenty. So there is lots of opportunity for growth but not all of us see it that way. I didn't until I got older and realized that tho I loved myself, I didn't love myself fully for I had given control of my life over to the husband and I wasn't truly loving myself best I could if I still allowed myself to be treated like that by him.
I don't know if the reason you haven't left yet is due to conflicting thoughts and issues in your head but it was for me. Or perhaps you havent given it a thought so I will share mine in case they help you realize that only you can make the first step and how to deal with thoughts so you can.
I heard all sorts of things like it was being selfish to want to leave. But GOd said to me, "When I said to love your neighbor as yourself, I didnt mean to love your neighbor first and maybe love yourself later. If you can't love yourself fully, then you won't be able to really do much loving others, like a garden hose with kinks in it that holds back the flow of water or love in your case.
I thought, being loyal, and forgiving, etc are all Godly traits. If I leave him, then I am saying I don't really believe and stand for those traits and I am just a false person.
Gods answer to me was, Hon, I gave everyone a free will and I will not interfere and take it away from them like in your husbands case to force him to treat you well and lovingly. I also gave you a free will to stay or go. You have stayed longer than needed for him to have chances to come around and change for the better. He doesnt want to right now and may never change. In the meanwhile, the stress on your physical body you've taken all these years has taken its toll. If you stay instead of leaving, then in 4 yrs you'll be dead from the stress either by cancer or heart attack.
I stayed only one more yr for a daughter to graduate HS and then I left him.
The treatment you're getting right now, you seem to be able to handle on a day to day basis, even week by week. But it gets harder if you look at it
this way: Can I put up with this for another year, yeah. maybe. Can I stay for this treatment another 5 years...ouch...thats hard but I think I can muddle through. Can I do this for many decades more, even to the end of my life? When I asked myself that question, I began to cry because deep down inside, I realized I had been only fooling myself into accepting another day, another month, another year. Truly, I did not want to have to live that kind of life anymore and I know neither do you. You need to understand you cant save him or do anything that makes him a better person. Change comes from a desire within to do so, not from outside influences like from you on him. It may be as simple as learning to recognize the signs of other people in your future life who are controlling by being able to recognize the signs cus forall you know, you may be asked to go into partnership with someone in a business but you see all the controlling signs in her or him and decide not to, saving yourself a lot of headache. Maybe this is the first step to you becomeing a stronger person, the kind of woman who won't put up with BS from any person, especially not any man who wants to be dating you or married to you. And sometimes, it takes being brought down to the bottom, to rise up, like the Phoenix bird from the ashes to be a better stronger person than before...still kind and loving to others, and handling conflict without fighting in any way. I hope all of this gives you some 'reason' to take those steps to doing what is best for you. But trust me, you will be Tested. I was. I had to know that I had truly learned my lesson after leaving him. I met two more guys who ended up showing lots of controlling traits, one after the 3rd date when he let his guard down finally. YOu've heard women say, Why do I keep finding all the jerks for men out there? Because they didn't learn the first time, it was a fluke and so they will keep running into controlling guys until they meet one and at first sign of bad behavior they stop dating him. That means you've learned the lesson dear! ANd then you get to graduate to finding a really loving supportive guy, just as I did with my 2nd husband.
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Your boyfriend doesn't hit you because you made a mistake. He hits you because he's the kind of guy that hits his girlfriend. Chances are pretty good, that even if you were perfect, he'd still find a reason to hit you.
Most people will never abuse their partner, no matter what mistakes that partner makes. Your boyfriend isn't one of those people. He's an abuser. He is abusing you.
You should reach out for help and escape him. You need to be safe, and far away from him. You need to tell people in your life what is going on, so they can help you stay far away from him.
He doesn't deserve any explanation. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to explain or justify why you are leaving. The ONLY thing you have to do is get yourself safe and stay safe.
There is a national domestic abuse hotline in the US, you can find it at [Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
They can help you make a safety plan if you need it.
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