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Issues with Dad regardin my career
Well i am 20 years old from India in my final year of Engineering. I hav been facing lots of criticism at home by dad who happens to be too much of a perfectionist.I somehow manage to get all his criticism for no fault of mine.i just happened to be seeing A cartoon on tv which led to one thing and then another. The last thing i knew was my dad telling me i have no aim in life and stuff..i agree i m not totally pumped up. I love to take things in my pace..it isnt so that i am not in the field i love. Or i do not study. I give in my 100%. Till now, i have given everything my best shot. I have failed and been disappointed..but i do not take everything too harshly. I try to learn from my mistakes. Analyze myself. But i do not show it or tell any1. Just bcz i did nt get marks the way my dad or for the matter even others expected..dad says i have been fooling them and nt studyng which i havent at all.I do not compete with any1 except myself. I do not mind others going ahead of me or staying behind me.its just i do not rush heavily into things, i love takin my time with things. I have huge aspirations in life and ready to face any failure bt you just cant criticize every step i take and call it "constructive criticism". I tried telling him my point of view but he just doesnt seem to understand my side. I may be wrong sumtyms i accept it..same way he cant be right all the time. I end up gettin criticized if i speak up..if i dont i neways get criticized. I ignore but this frustrates me.he has been jobless for some 8 years now and doing some small business which gets our family but my mother is the only one who is earning..i m really. Frustrated..please advice needed
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
It's sounds like you know where you are currently in your life and where you are going. Maybe Dad is taking out his own frustrations on you? or Maybe he thinks that by belittling you it will make you soar. It's also possible this is a conversation you need to have with your father and keep him in the loop and tell him how the way he speaks to you makes you feel.
Sometimes when parents don't know what's going on with their children or don't understand parents will act out. ( yes even though they are parents they have their adult tantrums too ;)
So try to have a talk with him about this and keep him in the loop. If that doesn't work try your best to block him out. It sucks to have someone bashing you especially a parent. I am so sorry you are going through this. Stay focused and you will be able to support yourself and get away from this.
I hope talking to him helps.
Good luck to you! xx
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Let me see if I understand this. Dad has been unemployed for 8 years while you have finished primary school and gone on to your final year to receive your Engineering Degree and he is criticizing you? If anyone need to be criticized for failing to live up to ones potential it should be your dad. Now you don't say why he is unemployed or what he was doing for a living or what the job market for that job. But any man who is out of work for any period of time and raising a family will look for work in any career field if his chosen field is not available. He does not go and open a small business that is not capable of producing an income.
I read what you said about yourself and the fat that you only compete with yourself. Not your exact words. That in fact is a good motto one I used myself. The motto I used that stood me very well goes like this, "The only person I need to be better than is to be a better person tomorrow than I am today." What that means is if I can grow and learn something new tomorrow that I did not know today. Then tomorrow I will be better than I am today.
I was in sales and marketing until I retired. In sales we are always looking for ways to motivate the sales force to do more. We sponsor contests, give out awards pay premiums for selling certain items. This was not my motivation. YEs I won the awards and I led my region and the company in sales more times than not. What motivated me was learning something new something that would help me help my customers. If could help my customers then the sales would be an easy by product and I would grow as well.
Don't let your father get you down. I believe he is frustrated and sees you passing him by. Your on the right track by not competing with anyone but yourself. The only things I might offer as a suggestions are these. When you get out of school you will have to learn to work at a faster pace and not of your own choosing to satisfy the requirements of your employer this is a necessity. The other is as Razhie said as soon as possible it will be in your own best interest to move out of your parents home and be on your own. You do not need and cannot ignore fore ever your fathers constant criticism.
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Are you still living at home?
'Cause you should stop that if you can.
You've got ideas now about how you'd like to live your life, and achieve your goals. What you are experiencing is something pretty much anyone else who lives at home into their adulthood experiences. You are confident enough now in your choices that you don't need your parent's micromanaging your life.
It's a normal, healthy place to be at. Your starting to see your parents as people, not just parents, and as people you may legitimately disagree with them.
If you can't move out, at least, take a deep breath and realize that although this is unpleasant, you have to let it go, stay confident in yourself, and work towards a peaceful living arrangement with your parents. Even if that sometimes means shutting up and nodding along with them when they get a bug up their ass about something.
As a young adult living at home, your parents deserve your respect, not your agreement. So take a deep breath and give them what they are owed and try not to get too upset when they are simple, 100%, wrong.
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You sound like a level headed young man. I do not think the problem lies with you as much as it does with Dad and that the root cause of his being hard on you is a financial one.
When finances are tight, a parent can have expectations of an adult child at home helping pitch in with the income. Since, you are going to school, I do not know how much time you have to work and give them money and that still may not help him feel at ease.
I also don't know if your mother is aware of how he is being so negative with you but if not, then I would tell her and ask her to have a talk with him.
Now as for yourself, I can only go by the words you choose and you did write: Till now, i have given everything my best shot. I have failed and been disappointed..but i do not take everything too harshly.
So, this sounds to me as if everything you have tried so far has failed and not for lack of putting in lots of effort. Perhaps there is some kind of learning disorder that is contributing to this so it will take you longer and harder.
Since your family doesnt have the money, talk to school counselors if you feel this might be the case and ask where to turn for free help to get tested for learning disorders. You may be at the end of schooling but knowing how to work around it in your career is also going to be crucial. Sorry, but thats all I have to share.
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