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can I be punished legally for conversations?
So, I'm getting divorced. There were a ton of problems that I won't go into. But my soon-to-be-ex is holding onto some things that have me worried. First, I have bipolar disorder. During manic episodes, I had conversations with other men about things we should not talk about, ever. Things like bestiality and worse. These were the fantasies of these men. I wanted positive attention (which I seldom got from husband) and they wanted to feel safe talking about these things. Husband spied on my facebook and emails and saved these conversations. He said he'll delete them when the divorce is final. I was promised a couple very specific things in the divorce. He has since changed what he will agree to, taking away about $200 of my promised alimony and an important holiday. I'm afraid to say no to him when he does this. He has threatened to destroy my career as a teacher and I believe he can. He has also said I could probably go to jail.
Anyway, what I want to know is if I can be punished as such for conversations where no actions happened and how I can protect myself. I want to get a lawyer and get what I was promised, but I'm too afraid.
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You need a lawyer.
It's unlikely that anything in your conversations was criminal. Talking about sex acts - even sex acts that would be criminal if you were to actually do them - is not a crime.
What your ex has suggested is blackmail, and blackmailing someone is a crime. So is stealing their private correspondence with others. He has committed at least two criminal acts. It's far more likely that he's headed to jail, than you are.
As Adviceman said, you need a lawyer, and you need to let all future conversation happen through that lawyer. Perhaps you did commit a criminal act in those conversations (but I highly doubt it), but your ex has most definitely committed a criminal act by threatening you with exposing private communication - which he stole from you - in an attempt to blackmail you.
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FIRST: and most importantly you need to have your own lawyer. Most divorce lawyers will work on what is called contingency. This is a percentage of what they recover for you. It is very important that you have your own lawyer for your husband is trying to BLACKMAIL you. If anyone is going to go to jail it is him. Black mail is illegal and a felony.
SECOND: I will assume your bipolar disorder is well documented and you are compliant with your medications. Your illness being well documented cannot be used against you in the divorce. Your husband can also be sued if he causes you to be fired if he takes this information to the school system. It is called restraint of trade. Instead of decreasing your alimony he would be forced to increase it for the loss of income until such time as your income is fully replaced to the level it should be at. Of course this is also based on the laws of the stat you live in.
I would say your husband is not doing this with the permission of his lawyer or you could sue his lawyer as well. He is doing this to cause you to accept whatever it is he is offering.
If you do not have a lawyer tell him you will answer him in time once you seek advice of counsel. Tell him if he takes any action he is threatening to do you will file a criminal complaint for Blackmail and a civil complaint for restraint of trade and defamation. That should cool his jets long enough for you to fine a divorce lawyer. Do not call your husband only respond as I have said if he calls you.
Once you have a lawyer your only response to your husband when he contacts you is, "I have been instructed by counsel not to speak to you." "If you have anything to say to me please contact my Attorney and disconnect from the call. Better yet with caller ID you should know it is him calling just don't answer or just block his calls altogether.
Most important here is your husband is trying to BALCKMAIL you to accept a settlement that is not fair. Do not do so, if you do not have a lawyer get one. If you have a lawyer stop talking to your husband and tell your lawyer what he is saying to you. Let the lawyer handle this. Tell the lawyer that you want Blackmail charges brought against your ex.
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Oh hon, you have to talk to a lawyer. If you have such fear of this man, a divorce will do you no good if you still allow him to have such control over you.
What a person does in private, sex chats, sometimes its on 2nd life, an on line game with avatars and you interact with others. Anything you imagine can be found on there including the topics you mentioned being discussed between two people as an outlet for ones curiousity, not that one wants to engage in such things in real life. That shouldn't be held against a person, shouldn't affect their job/career. Persons who are LGBT, still struggle with people thinking that their sexual life is going to affect their ability to teach or hold a government job. Also, people who are swingers, polyamorous are other areas in sexuality that would also come underfire.
I dont know what laws there are about a person willfully threatening defamation of your character and ability to carry out your job as a teacher, but a lawyer would know. I had a divorce from a man who was abusive and had some mental issues and he spouted all sorts of stupid threats in the beginning, that I would get nothing at all, etc... it takes hiring and having a good lawyer to look out for your best interests. yOU would never have to talk to or argue these issues of husband deleting things in the divorce or after. If there is a legal paperwork saying he must pay alimony for example and whatever else is in the settlement and he chooses not to, there are penalties for him. His wages can be garnished, meaning before he gets his paycheck, what is owed to you must be taken out by employer first, or he could end up doing jail time for failing to follow the settlement. Something like being in jail, or garnishment will affect him financially and he will be the one who easily could lose his job or lose the standard of living that he wants. He knows it's gonna hurt him, he'll have less money for himself so he's trying the fear factor to get you to believe his threats and accept them so that he can get away with it and have all his money, still have his job and continue to threaten you all the rest of your life.
He is bullying you. I am glad you're leaving him, but without a lawyers help, you'll never be truly free of him, his threats, fear tactics and bullying. Call a lawyer. Find one who will collect fees from the husband rather than you as the man almost always makes more money than the woman. Good luck.
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