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my mom is offically nuts/physco
(this WILL be long)
i'm 15 f. turning 16 in december.
katie just turned 14 [but shes in my grade]
Okay, last night my friend was having problems with her boyfriend.. he refused to drive her home or anywhere so i asked my boyfriend to go and get katie.
after helping her and listening to her bash on and on about her boyfriend, my mom comes upstairs and asks what we want for dinner. we dont want anything because im not hungry and katie had food at her house.
after katie and dave talked and worked everything out (via text message & phone calls) he said that he'll pick her up to talk it out more and in a more mature way talking face to face. okay..
katie offers for me to sleep over. i say okay, but my moms asleep. ill leave a note. well, right when were about to leave [and get into katies boyfriends car] my mom is coming upstairs. i whisper "shit, katie, hold my bag!" my mom says to katie & I, "what are you guys doing?" i said "i'm sleeping over katies house tonight i dont have any plans (this is like at 10 at night)". my mom was like whos driving? Well, you should always tell the truth because in the end itll just come out bad. "katies boyfriend". my mom went off the walls. she was like "I'm not allowing katie to get in the car with a boy. laura, you're staying home. katie, get your mom on the fucking [sorry for the language] phone!!!" i go "MOM, WHAT THE FUCK, WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" i text my boyfriend saying "i'm sorry we cant hang out at katies tonight".
katie maturely gets her mom on the phone on her cell phone. well, my mom goes. HANG UP THE PHONE. i go.. "what the fuck mom you either want to talk to her or you DONT!" katie is like "karen, this is the only way i have to get home, so i need to take this ride. i'm getting in that car, my mom knows about it, please, chill out" my mom starts to argue with her! "katie get your mom on the phone, write down her number right now! i'm not allowing you to get in the car with a guy when i dont have your parents permission." while im just sitting there watching my mom flip a shit at my friend.. i'm getting heated as shit.
my mom calls katies moms cell phone, because her mom was out to dinner with family. "it went to voicemail and it only said please leave a message, now i dont know who the fuck i called". yet again.. im getting more and more heated. and so is katie. katie says "here, ill give you my house number" my mom calls and no one answers because yet again, THEIR OUT TO DINNER!
well, katies boyfriend shows up and he calls "katie, im here come outside please its cold" she says to my mom "well, hes here, dave hold on a second". my mom goes "who the fuck is DAVE?" she goes "my boyfriend" my mom goes "how old is he?" she says "17" i go "MOM SINCE WHEN WAS IT YOUR FUCKING BUISNESS HOW FUCKING OLD HE IS, MOM GROW THE FUCK UP (my boyfriend calls and i ment to press scilent but i accidentally answered) SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SERIOUSLY GO FUCK YOURSELF. I FUCKING HATE YOU MOM YOU'RE EMBARISSING THE SHIT OUT OF ME. HONESTLY, I WANT YOU OUT OF MY FUCKING LIFE RIGHT NOW, THATS THE HONEST TRUTH." well, my mom didnt even answer that. so katie goes "hes waiting outside, i have to go" and she just walks out. well, now becuase of her actions, im grounded. i cant go out for a week. my mom is offically physco and says "whenever you go to a friends house, or whenever they come over here, i HAVE TO TALK TO A PARENT!"
it's like my mom doesn't trust me anymore! what do i do, what do i say to her? i honestly did NOTHING! i dont even know what I! did wrong. last night i was about to kill myself, im not even kidding. it's like my mom cant accept that im growing up and that i WILL make mistakes, [oh btw my boyfriends turning 18 in november.] and she doesnt approve that my boyfriends 2 years older then i am. what ever happened to the saying "age doesnt matter?" do any of you know where im coming from? suhfiauh i need so much help, PLEASE
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Okay so basically what I'm getting from this is that Katie was rambling about her boyfriend. At 10PM she was going to get picked up by her bf and you were going to go along for a sleepover. Your mom flipped about getting a ride from a boy and a heated argument started.
From a parent's point of view, yes it's understandable. 1) She doesn't know who this boy that is 17 is, 2) she doesn't want to be held reliable for anything that goes wrong to you or your friend, and 3) she's just being protective.
From Katie's point of view, she's probably thinking, wow.
From your point of view, you're thinking 1) I hate my mom, 2)what's so wrong with getting a ride from a friend's bf?
Personally what I think is that you should've just woken her and asked or just have slept over some other time when you could have gotten permission by your mom directly. You're still a minor and your parents are responsible for you. They don't want anything bad to happen to you and just the fact that you were planning to have a sleepover at a friends house without them knowing right then and there could have upset your mom. Also, the world isn't always "perfect" and there's this thing called drugs and rape.
Sure, it was a little out of bounds for your mom to be screaming at Katie. She could have just calmly said why she doesn't want her to get in the car and offered her to sleepover at your house or until she could reach her parents. She could've just stayed up for another hour and let her bf in the house until it Katie's parents gave an OK. But at the same time, you shouldn't have screamed what you screamed at your mom no matter how angry you were. (Nor should you be blaming Katie for getting grounded because you being grounded could solely be from what you screamed).
Right now you're only 15, which to you may seem mature and old enough to handle everything. In reality, you're still a minor which means that until you're out of the house, you're parents will always be overprotective of you. If you want your parents to trust you, start cleaning up your acts, watch what you say, chill out and think about why your mom would be doing this or that.
Bottom line: parents will always be overprotective and paranoid to a degree until they know you can handle things by yourself. In order to show that, you have to act like a mature lady that doesn't blow off at parents whenever she is angry.
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I'll try to control myself after this and answer coherently, but you are a spoiled brat.
If I had a daughter who yelled "who the fuck do you think you are" the next three months of her life would be contemplating the inside of her room instead of having a social life.
That was incredibly disrespectful. Whatever you think you've earned, or whatever you think you deserve, this woman has taken care of you for almost 16 years, helps maintain a household, and that alone far outstrips anything and everything you've ever accomplished.
I hated my parents, and I didn't behave with the obvious entitlement you do.
A few lessons.
1) Your mother can be held responsible if something happens to your friend and she let her (at 14, no less) go out with someone she doesn't know.
2) As long as you live in her house you owe her more than a note while leaving. At not even 16 where you get off thinking you have the right to go wherever without restriction...
She has the legal RIGHT, not just privilege, but RIGHT to have you where ever the fuck she wants you, whenever. If she says you're at home, you're at home. Thats enforceable by cops if necessary, and if you pushed her to the point where that was necessary, thats on you, not her.
Yeah, you were about to go hang out with your two boyfriends at a house with no adults. Believe it or not, this is not normal teen behavior.
Well, let me rephrase, because I'm sure by now that teenagers think its perfectly normal to be unsupervised with boyfriends at 14-16.
Parents restrict what you're allowed to do because you do not have the judgment yourself. Yeah, you decided to go over to an unoccupied house with two guys at least one of whom she has never met. Guys older than you.
What do most teens do when alone with boyfriends, now?
Its not normal for children your age to be allowed to do whatever they want, and the fact that your mother even ALLOWS you to suddenly plan to sleep over somewhere at 10 pm shows an enormous amount of trust on her part.
Yeah, your mother freaked. Shes human too. And yes, it IS her business when a 14 year old child in her house is about to leave with a 17 year old guy she doesn't know. It is her RESPONSIBILITY to make sure that everything is OK, including talking to parents. Your mother is a smart woman, and obviously a better parent than the average.
You just hate it because she restricts your freedom (rightfully so, because based on what you've written here you have nothing like adult judgement swimming around in that head of yours) and you think that because other people have freedom you should too.
Teenagers always say "but this person gets more freedom than I have, and I'm more responsible"
Parents answer with "I give you plenty of freedom, and your friend should be confined to her room and watched day and night"
I did it too. I bitched, because I was (at least, appearance wise) far more responsible than ANYONE my age. I got myself into a bunch more shit than most, but I never once in high school got caught.
I considered that to be "responsible". You know, I had sex, I drank, I partied, I slacked, but I got straight A's and never got an STD or got anyone pregnant, so obviously I deserved more freedom than I ever got, right?
You know, someday you will understand this. When you are faced with being a parent you will remember all the shit you got away with and try to prevent it in your kids.
My children are screwed. I got away with so much that theyre going to feel absolutely untrustworthy in my eyes. I'm going to be prepared for everything, including probably monitoring their computers, my kids won't have internet in their room until theyre 16 probably.
Your mother had her eyes opened. You were about to go to a friends house with no one home except your friend and some guys, and she was about to let you. So shes tightening the noose.
As for being grounded, you deserved it. Saying stupid shit you don't mean (or are too immature to not mean) and being that disrespectful deserves more than "grounded for a week"
What did you do? You proved yourself to have bad judgment. You were about to go to a house with no supervision at 15. You were going with guys she doesn't know. You cursed her out in front of a friend as if she has no right to question you, as if she was a baby sitter and not the woman who birthed and raised you and has paid for your shit since you couldn't string a single word together.
Do you know what parents are for? They are supposed to provide rules and structure because you don't provide it on your own.
Yea, you are going to make mistakes. That doesnt mean you are supposed to be allowed free reign to make them. The rules she sets are designed to (as best she can) create barriers so you can't fuck your life up TOO much.
You know, so you can't get an STD that will alter your life, or have a baby, or even just get emotionally abused by some guy she doesnt know.
And age isnt just a number. That saying has two uses.
One, is for adults to reassure themselves that a 5-10 year age gap doesnt matter when the girl is 25+ and the guy is 30+.
The other, is for stupid teen agers to tell themselves that a guy 3-4 years older (which is alot bigger difference than 25 and 30 is, maturity wise) that what theyre doing is OK.
You are not an adult. You are not exhibiting adult behavior. You are acting like a spoiled child who thinks (as all teens do) that they are ready to handle the world.
Theres one other thing here.
Today, or whenever this happened, you acted like a child. Instead of staying calm and talking to her, you freaked out more than she did (and she had a good reason from a parents perspective) and childishly yelled shit intended to hurt her.
Yeah, you really proved that she has good reason to trust you. You wonder why she doesn't? Its because you do not talk to her like anything but a teenaged child, and when confronted you act out in anger rather than even making a coherent argument.
If you want to change that, sit down with her calmly and ask her why it bothered her so much. What is she worried about you doing?
Talk to her about her concerns, because ALL of this from her side is coming because she is worried about you. Rightfully so. You just said "I was about to kill myself"
Because you are grounded? You call this growing up? You arent growing up, you're just acting like you are.
Acting like an adult and growing into one are two different things.
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Your MOM, thinks that she is A MOM, and therefore did not allow two young teenage girls get into a car with some guy she doesn't know from Joe Blow at 10 o'clock at night!
Your mom might have over-reacted in the way she spoke, but her judgment was good and justified AND YOU HAD NO RIGHT, NONE, TO SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER THAT WAY WHEN ALL SHE WAS DOING WAS BEING RESPONSIBLE.
You were right that it didn't really matter how old the guy was, but your mom was more right: She was right not to let two teenage girls who were in her home, and therefore under her guardianship, get into a car with a guy she doesn't know late at night. She was right to want to check with the other mother, to be reassured that this guy was safe and that the other mom DID know him, before allowing you two to leave with him.
This might have gotten out of hand. Your mother certainly isn't perfect at all, she didn't communicate her position very well. She didn't handle this perfectly. But she was still right, and your behavior towards her was still disrespectful and incredibly wrong.
You deserve to be punished and grounded. Your mother deserves an apology for disrespecting her like that, yelling and swearing at her and then walking out on her! Damn girl, you are lucky you are only grounded! My mom would have changed the locks and called the cops on me.
Accept the fact that your mother had a right to tell you not to leave, and that you shouldn't have done so. Apologize for THAT, and the way you spoke to her.
Only then can you start to discuss, togeather, how you both could have handled this better. You can, and should, ask your mom to stay a bit calmer and let you explain. Neither of you should curse or have to yell. You should respect her need to connect with other parents. Or at very least, invite the guy in for a few mintutes so she can see he isn't some crazy nutbar!
There were a lot of ways this could have gone down better, and you need to be just as repsonsible for that as she is. So, take a deep breath, apologise for the errors in judgement you made and ask her how you two can do better in the future.
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ADVICE
Well as a parent myself I can understand how your mother is feeling. How your mother is acting though could be handeled and little bit better. Your actions as well could be handeled a little better too. If you want your mother to trust you and allow you more freedom, you will have to let her feel very involved in everything that you do. I know that sucks the way it sounds but it's your only shot at gaining some freedom back, and for you to regain your mothers trust. Your mother is being very protective and we all do that with our children. Your mothers fears with you and your boyfriends age differance is completely normal. Your mother frears things like you and your boyfriend having sex. Doing anything reckless without thinking of the consiquences and so on. Your mother is over reacting but it might not all be because of you. If she already does not approve of your boyfriend and does not care for him she is going to take it out on you. Your mother might be over reacting, and what your mother may not realize is if she continues to treat you this way all her fears will become true. Your mother will drive you into your boyfriends arms by continueing to at this way. I will give you a tip though the more you react when your mother puts her foot down the worse things will be for you. It has come to that point in your life where you are going to have to sit down with your mother and have a real adult conversation with her. Tell her how her actions are not helping and that you are aware of her fears as a parent. Reassure her that she brought you up smart enough to know what to do and what not to do. Also let her know that when and if you do have sex you will take all the nessisary actions to prevent pregnancy and so on. Dont lie to your mother, be upfront and honest with her always. Ask your mother what kinds of things you can do to make her feel better about you, so she can trust you more. As far as wanting to end it all with the way your mother is making you feel, we all have been there. I to did not have a great relationship with my mother when I was a teenager. I thought my mother was crazy and off her rocker. We used to fight and I did not have a whole lot of freedom, because she would take it all away, sometimes for no reason at all. So my suggestion is this, have that talk with her, show her that you are more mature than she gives you credit for. Start doing things to rebuild her trust. Most of all remember in two years you will be 18 and your mother might lose you all together if you cant work on your relationship now. Be honest with your mother and tell her she is driving you away. Not only emotionally but with her actions as well. No parent ever wants to lose contact with their children. This might also be another fear your mother is having. When a parent is not sure what to do or how to handle things they will lock you up. Its the only way they have left to try to control situations that makes them feel uncomforable. The best thing you can do is build a better relationship with your mother. Try to refrain from all the cusing if at all possible. That is disrespectful on both your parts. All that does is make your mother more angry I am sure. I would never allow my children to speak to me that way. The only other concern that is really bothering me is you saying that you felt like killing yourself. Things suck right now I know, but that is never the answer. I have been there and felt that way many times myself, but we all work through it and we learn to become a much stronger person because of it. When your feelngs that low think of all the people that would miss you, and how much something like that would affect them. It might be hard to see what your future holds but you should want that furure. Two years just think two years, its not that long left to live at home. Find something that you and your mother can do just you and her. Make your mother feel like your are still her little girl to a point. Dont shut your mother out of your life completely, let her know that you still need her, and she is not forgotten. Your mother may feel like you dont need her anymore, and that can really hurt. I hope this helps I would like to talk to you some more, please leave me any more questions you might have in my inbox... keep me posted I really want to help you get past this. It will pass believe me, and things will get better.
Always remember ondayatatime
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i know moms can be crazy sometimes.
actually, alot. haha
well first i learned when i talk shit (sorry) to my parents i get in trouble, even if its something stupid and unimportant. So i stopped talking back to her and all.
But in your case, talk to your mom and explain how unfair this is to you and if you have to be grounded it should be in a different way and you've learned your lesson.
I'm sorry, since I don't know how your mom reacts I can't really give further advice. I hope this helps a litte though.
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Honestly, I think cussing out your mother was not the smartest thing you could have done, and that probably didn't help your cause.
I can see where your mom is coming from; there have been so many instances in the news where people have friends over and the parent just lets them do whatever or go wherever with anybody, and then something happens to them. Who, then, is responsible?
Well the parent will be blamed. Your mom just wanted to make sure that Katie's parents knew she was getting a ride from someone else. She didn't want to be held responsible for anything should something have happened to Katie. Honestly that's not overreacting or psycho in the slightest.
I think, if anything, you should apologize to your mother for yelling at her and you should just talk to her about your punishment. Let her know you don't think it's fair that you're being punished because of your friend. I can understand her punishing you for the way your acted toward her, but not really for your friend's actions.
Thanks for inboxing.
--Jack
(16/m)
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