about

< I am a Christian and I am a mother >
Hello all. I am a 36 year old married mother of three boys. I have my degree in Forensic psychology and business management- human resources, I work in social services while juggling my three children and a marriage. When I originally joined this community I was excited to get back into what I love and that is helping people through listening, understanding, and guidance. However I quickly found that through my desire to help others, others are helping me. I have found my advice column beyond rewarding. I have found myself getting extremely passionate about each and every question that I read and respond to. The more the questions the greater the connection I have found between people of all walks of life, ages groups, races, gender, and religion. What I have found to be our greatest bind is love. Love for others and the love of being loved.

advice

I have had bladder pro-lapse surgery 6 weeks ago. I am 53. I tried to have sex and it hurt and bleed so much I had to stop. Will my vagina stretch back out some at accommodate a large penis?

6 weeks is a very short time. Give it a few more weeks even a month before trying it again and when you try again use a lot and I mean a lot of lubrication. Have him take it extremely slow and gentle for as long as it takes for you to be pain free and at ease. It\'s going to take some time. Even those who have never had surgery can have pain and bleeding from vigorous sex. So just don\'t rush things. Everyone is different as is their healing time. But you will get there eventually just don\'t do too much too quickly.

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i did sex wid my g.f i just rubbed outside but i dono whetehr sperm gone in or not..i dnt want her to b peragenent ...yestrday she got he period i did xxx on 5th may now also chances is their to get peragnent???

I couldn\'t understand the last part of what you wrote but it didn\'t sound like she could be pregnant. However, it seems you are too young to be having sex based solely on your writing and lack of knowledge on the subject. Please don\'t continue with these sexual acts until you can at least know mite about it. While I\'m sure you are a kind person the last thing you need right now is a child. So focus on school please.

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Im a 17 year old boy and my girlfriend is 14
We have been on and off for like 4 years at first it was like whatever's but as the years passed we've gotten more serious 
We were dating for about 10 months and in march 2013 I broke up with her because I kind of got bored with her.. I went out with a girl  2 days later. I never suspected that my ex hated the new girl untill a while. We were together for 6 months and I didn't really know why I was even with her so I dumped her because we never saw each other and she just didn't understand me like my ex.
I started talking to my ex again and we got back together but shortly after I left her for the other girl she hated because I wanted to see it I could work it out..
That's fucked up I know. 
But it was pointless I never saw her , cheated on her and she just didn't understand me she made me feel so depressed so I dumped her. A month later I messaged my ex and she didn't really want anything to do with me and i started having suicidal thoughts I realized that I fucked up and I felt like shit 
Eventually we hung out and we couldn't make it work at first but then later he decide to give me a chance 
I was still talking to the other ex and she did t want me to but I still was.. Fcked up I know! I talked to her plenty and hid it from my gf. 
Everyhing came out eventually.. All the lies.. Everything .
My girlfriend says she can't trust me and I don't wanna lose her :( she said she can't keep doing this
I don't know what to do she doesn't trust me and I fucke up I know but I didn't think about it all untill after I haven't done anything but idk how to make her trust me 

You both are so young. Just as you were bored once before it will happen again. Honestly there is nothing wrong with dating other people and enjoying the company of others as long as you let others know you are not in a committed relationship. It isn't fair to others or yourself to get tied down so early. Enjoy life, meet new people before you make a commitment. Give your girlfriend time to see that you are honest and allow her to trust you over time. I have a feeling life is going to take you both in different directions before this is all said and done.

If you want to regain her trust simple be honest and forth coming and time will change her feelings but there is little else that can be done. Just give it some time.

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I'm 40 years old. My whole life has been about surgeries, Drs, in office procedures, medications.I live with chronic pain. I live with a rare disease that has left my face disfigured. Badly. I've been abed by men severely and almost died. I have been on so many different antidepressants, seen many therapists, talked til I ccouldnt stand to hear myself anymore.im a recluse now. I do not want people I. My life. Flat out, I'm tired. I do not ever remember in my 40 yrs when I was happy. Yes there were small moments but no more than maybe a day. I have no more strength to keep fighting. Is there something I've failed to see?I want to be happy and I've tried. What gods did I anger in a past life that I'm making up for in this life. What does one do when they have no more fight left in them? Right now, I have no joy, never had it, have no desire to have it. All I want is to rest. I'm exhausted from the pain. No more. No less. I'm not even sure why I wrote this.

Suicide is not the answer. You are a special person that God created and loves and you are needed rather you can see that right now or not. I have no idea what you are dealing with as I don't know the nature of the disease you suffer from but there must be an answer out there to get your pain under control. I think that is one of the first things that physically must be addressed. No one feels like dealing with the world when they are in pain. Secondly you need to reach out to others, perhaps teens that are suffering in a similar manner. You may be able to help them so they do not become depressed. You have a story to share and many people need to hear it. I think the more you get involved with others the better you will feel about yourself. In doing so you may meet life long friends. The saying is true, there is someone for everyone but if you isolate yourself you will miss that opportunity.

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I wanna have sex at my charter school, but its very strict. What shall I do? Cuz my mom doesnt allow me to have set at home...

If you are school aged you should not be having sex. Not at home and certainly not at school. Sex should be the last thing on your mind. There is so much more to life and if you become sexually active at such an early age there is a real chance you will limit your future. You could become a teen parent and even at 32 years old I am married with children and it is a hard job. You could also risk getting an STD. You are just too young. I promise you will live to regret this decision. Chances are at this time in your life the person you want to have sex with will not be around in the future. You will have shared a special time with someone who will have moved on and honestly they will move on sooner than later. My advice, wait until you are old enough to have sex in your own home that you pay rent on with your spouse.

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I took 18 excedrin extra strength and im ready to die. Im goin to prison for 6 yrs. I cant take my life anymore. I need help and advice.

Did you feel suicidal before finding out you were going to prison? If so you definitely need to see a psychiatrist and soon. If you get medication prescribed before hand you will have an easier time getting them while locked up and it will make your time much better and faster.

However, if you did not feel this way before then you are totally normal. Are you even sure it's the full 6 years? Is that your shock sentence? If you are serving in county generally each day counts as double. In Federal you serve 80% of your sentence. You can also get work release where you get out all day 5 days a week. I know it sucks but hang in there. In the big picture 6 years is a short period of time. Just keep busy in there. Take up every job and class you can get. Get your GED college degree, go to every church service. Write your friends have them send you pictures and letters and money of course. I promise you it's not as bad as it seems. If you don't start trouble generally there will be no trouble. Don't act scared but don't act hard either. Find some friends in there you might know from the streets. Have your family and friends visit as much as possible. Don't kill yourself! As a Christian I firmly believe we go to hell for committing suicide. That's far worse than any jail we have here. You can do this and you will be just fine. Don't take anymore pills. What might happen is you will just damage your liver or other organs and end up living a painful life and that is a far worse sentence than a measly 6 years.

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I have recently given my boyfriend head and hand for the first time (first time I have ever done both too). It was okay I guess (he seemed to of enjoyed it lol). But I'm not sure if I want to do it again. About 3 days after I gave head I got a few pimples around my mouth.. It can't of been herpes though because they looked like normal pimples and they went away after about 3-4 days. But is there a chance if it could be?
Also I am planning on losing my virginity when I am 18. (I am currently 15.) Does that seem a bit strange though? The reason is because I don't want to be a pregnant teenager. It scares me so much I don't want it to happen to me. But there are things that can stop pregnancy but sometimes it all doesn't work. I am really confused if I was too do it as a teenager I would wait until I am 16 (legal age). Could someone please help me?
Also it's annoying giving head and hand so... I am definitely not planning on doing it again any time soon.

You are an intelligent girl with a great head on your shoulders, and I am so proud of you for making a responsible decision to wait. Why not wait until marriage since you're waiting until 18. I'm telling you that you are a comodity. I promise you any man worth having would appreciate a virgin over an experienced girl any day. Take your time and enjoy your youth. THere is nothing to be embarrased about as far as waiting for that special someone. My mother is a virgin and she is 70 years old. How can that be you ask??? She adopted both my sister and I because she is a CHristain and never married and does not want to fornicate. My 26 year old sister is also a virgin. You may be surprised at the number of pure people out there. So be proud of yourself.

As for the bumps around your mouth I think it's because of the spit that may have formed while giving oral sex. You may notice young children that drool or babies tend to have small pimples around their mouths and that is simply due to moisture sitting in the same place for a period of time. I highly doubt you have an std. Not that it is impossible but herpes is very distinct and doesn't clear up so quickly it is also very itchy and uncomfortable and very unattractive to say the least.

Please see a gynocologist soon though if you plan on continuing with any sexual activities. We all want you to be safe and live a healthy life. You are a wonderful girl and I pray that my young children will be just as responsible as you have been. Great job and keep it up!

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i just want to know what can be the most unpainful way to commit suicide , I know some of u will try to convince me not to do it … but i’m afraid a won’t change my mind .my life right know is a living hell I really can’t bare it anymore , the thing is that I have a mom who’s driving me mad even though I’m really sensible and a kind of mature no drugs no drinking and certainly no smoking cause I’m really interested in sport , school report aren’t bad at all I don’t know why I have to stand all these things , I’v been really patient but it’s just getting worst I’v never thought I’d end up like this …. However I just want some answers because I can’t afford a gun or anything like that so… by the way I’m 17 years old ps: sorry for my bad English

Although it may seem like an impossible situation right now you must remember this is only for a season. This short time of unhappiness and frustration will pale in comparison to the bright future you have ahead of you. You are a beautiful, kind, caring person that anyone would be blessed to have in their lives. Just hold on things will get better. Look, you are 17 in less than a year you'll be an adult. You can go off to school, find a job, or both. You will have opportunities to try things you never knew you loved and meet new people you never thought you'd have such a close bond with. Right now is the time of your life. Don't let this time of unhappiness seal your fate. Whatever your mother has done or not done to show you how much she cares I am positive she is unaware of how this is making you feel. As a mother if one of my children felt this way I would want them to come talk to me and tell me whats on their mind and I would do ANYTHING to make it better. I know life can be over whelming but just sit back and relax. There is solution to all problems. Please know how important you are and that you are not alone. Many young and many many many older people feel just as you do from time to time. I think it's normal to feel sad and alone and like there is no way out but there is. I promise you that soon you will feel better. Try to keep company with positive people and continue being the wonderful person that I know you are.

You will be happy again soon I promise just don't give up.

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Ok I'm 13 year old girl and I'm Horney and have no boyfriend. But I want to know how to masturbat but idk how. I'm so held in from EVERYTHING so pls don't judge me. Just anser my question. How can I masturbate???

You are on the wrong sight. It's obvious you are not 13 nor are you a girl. AS a matter of fact all of your posts will now be flagged and reported.

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how can one be free from the spirit of leisbainisn? i really do need help/advice. "
i am from nigeria."

Although I do not aggree with gay and lesbian lifestyle I do strongly feel that everyone should be treated with dignity and respect at all times. That being said if you are wanting to "be free from the spirit of lesbianisn" have you considered turning to your religion. I'm not sure if you have a religion but as for me I am a Christian. I have found that when I face struggles in life it is always best to turn my problems to the Lord. He can change your mind, your way of life, and anything else because there is nothing God can not do. He knows that Satan is strong and can influence our minds but God is always here to help us through. God loves all of us including you and he won't let you be lost if you just trust and believe in him. He will give you the answers you need and the strength to make it through the influence of Satan. Remember to pray is my best advice.

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My boyfriend have been dating for a month now. Within a week of us dating, my mom brought up sex. She is extremely tight on that subject, because I've had sex before and she got very angry when she found out, but she said a while ago, "You can have sex with John.......as long as we go to a doctor first and get you all set."

I was taken aback... because I never expected that. I only nodded since I didn't wanna make her suspicious or jump into it too quick. I'm wondering if she is just joking, or is she really serious? What do you think? And if I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend (not yet of course,) how would I bring it up without it having to be so awkward??

Thanks!

As a mother myself, I am quite sure your mom is very serious. However, what is the hurry? There is so much more to do out there than have sex. You have the rest of your life for that. I don't want you to regret your decisions as I have. If I could go back I definately would have waited until I was married. These guys out here do not deserve to be so intimate with you. You are worth so much and never let anyone make you feel less than the queen you should be treated like.

Please talk with your mom and be open and honest with her. She loves you and only wants the best for you. If you decide to get on birth control please know that this doesn not mean you must have sex.

I think the best way to bring it up with your mom is to tell her that you are not looking to have sex anytime soon but you would like her to take you to the doctor to hear your different birth control options. I'm sure she will understand and this will start an open line of comunication.

Good luck and please be responsible.

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i'm eighteen years old.was in a relationship for the past four years.everything was absolutely fine..till my bf decided it had to end(a week back).i kinda understand why he had to do so..and totally know he did the right thing..but i'm not able to let go..though breaking up was the most practical thing to do, i'm not able t accept it..and the thing that makes it even more complicated is that we had been doing more than just hanging out.so after all this..i feel like i've been used and cheated..i'm not able to tell my parents about it cuz i'm feeling guilty.. have already attempted suicide twice but it didn't really work..i have no idea what to do,, every little thing in my life reminds me of him..i wanna hate him but am really not able to...
and knowing that he's moved on is only hurting me more...i don't know what to do and i need all the help i can get...not to get back to him..but to let go of him.....

Sweetie NO man is worth your life. You are worth so much more than you are giving yourslef credit for. Trust me this time next year he will be a distant memory. Listen to this:

In Jan 2006 I found out I was pregnant by "the love of my life". We planned to get married. We got a place together he found a decent job and everything was WONDERFUL. One morning three months into my pregnancy he went to work and called me when he got there as usual to say he made it ok and "I love you". Well I answered the phone and he said "I'm at the bus station and leaving town". He left and I NEVER saw him again. I was a wreck. I thought my life was over but now I am married to a man who loves my son as his own and we have two more children. He was a blessing sent from God I do believe.

Have you heard the song "God Bless the Broken Road" CHeck it out. It's so true. You can not find/appreciate a good man until you know the hurt of a horrible man. Please trust me. You will laugh at yourself before you know it and wonder what the hell you were thinking shedding a single tear for this person.

You will be happy.

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