I have a friend group of 7 girls including myself. 2 of the girls have rudely confronted me about my "lack of motivation" to go to school, my rare use of marijuana, and my "overuse" of alcohol. They all have drank many times before also, so I am not the only one. They're claiming that I am a bad influence on them and that I'm ruining their reputation with mine (I'm known as the partier of my grade/the girl who misses a lot of school). They've disregarded me telling them that I miss so many days of school because I have major depressive disorder and in the past month 3 people I was close to have died. I also have ADHD and I hate taking adderall for it, and I have to take adderall whenever I go to school. I barely ever smoke marijuana, but when I do, I use it for sleep since I have chronic insomnia. I only drink in social situations (at parties), and one of the two girls that is claiming that I drink too much, drinks alcohol everyday after school normally. They both have gotten 2 more girls in our friend group to dislike me and they're now saying that if I don't stop using drugs, cut back on my drinking, and to stop making excuses and come to school, they're going to kick me out of our friend group because the majority wants me out. The 2 friends who are on my side and are sticking up for me are getting caught in the crossfire and getting yelled at for still being friends with me. I don't want to forgive them because I do not want to be friends with people that want me to change myself and I don't want to really hangout with them all the time, but I'm also putting my 2 friends sticking up for me through hell and ripping apart my friend group. I don't know what to do.
I have a very different opinion of the situation, I think, although it doesn't seem like it, your friends are really trying to help. I understand that you're going through a rough time, but things like drugs and alcohol don't help - if anything, they make things worse. Your friends are probably struggling to know what to do, and you have to think of it in their point of view. I mean, they are obviously worried about you and don't know what to do, so they are approaching this in a whole new way. I don't think they are trying to change you, I think they're trying to help you, but it's hard to see that. Yes, they should be supportive and sensitive to your situation but, put yourself in their shoes for a minute - what would you do? If they carried on letting you drink and take drugs then they'd be bad friends, right? They're going about this the wrong way, but it sounds like a desperate attempt to help you.
Forgiving them, however, is completely up to you. If you don't want to change then no one has the right to change you! You are clearly going through a tough time and you need your friends more than ever right now, and that's when they should be there for you. Try talking to them, I know it sounds cliche but honestly it works wonders. You can get to the bottom of why they are doing this and where you should go from here. They should be supportive of you, you have every right to be angry! But it all depends on how angry you are. If you don't want to change and don't want to listen to your friends and you're angry about what they've done, maybe it's time to go your separate ways.
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Hi. I'm having some friend trouble. I am 13 and a girl. My best friend Kelsey does not seem to be trying to stay in this friendship. She doesn't even talk to me at school and she ditches me for another girl. My good friend Veronica and her best friend Isabella have been through the same thing with Kelsey. She gets very close and then completely ditches. She has been my best friend for 9 years and I love her, but he doesn't seem to want to be best friends anymore. I have said some bad things about her to Veronica and Isabella which I regret, but I still meant them. Whenever I get angry or upset about our relationship to her she apologises and gives the excuse of her anxiety and OCD. I have both of these too, so I don't understand why this is her excuse. She always apologises, but still doesn't seem to want to be best friends with me.
Some people grow apart, that's completely natural, maybe you and your friend have grown apart. However, some people have more severe cases of anxiety which causes them to push everyone away and if she is pushing everyone away then anxiety and OCD may not just be an excuse. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care about you, maybe she just needs time to deal with what she is going through. Maybe she needs you more than ever right now and is struggling, but she pushes you away out of habit - that's common with a lot of anxiety sufferers! Please don't assume she doesn't care about you or that she doesn't want to be friends, different people deal with stress in different ways and she seems to push people away. If she wants to be friends then she will come back into your life, but after nine years, what would cause her to not want to be friends any more? Maybe you just grew apart, it happens to all friends at one point in their friendship. Talk to her about this, and I don't mean yell at her, I mean sit down and have a real conversation with her about how this is making you feel, get to the bottom of this and see what she wants to do.
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Hi! I need advise. My friend keeps on lying for some reason and it is SO obvious sometimes. Like the other day I told her I got a new Tablet, she then told me she has one too(last time I asked she said she only has a phone). A week later she says her father bought for her a Tablet and that I am not the only one with a Tablet between out group of friends.
There was also a day she showed us pictures of her 'boyfriend' on her phone, the pictures were clearly taken from a magazine. All my friends knew but they didn't tell her they knew. I told her and she denied it.
She also sometimes tells us how her mother abuses her. Other days she tells us how 'sweet' her mother is. One day she hates her father the next day she really loves him.
There are also other times she lies and its not even necessary. She is no longer fun because she keeps on lying! What do I do? She should really stop coz I don't know what to believe anymore!! I am not even sure if she's okay mentally. Btw I am a girl.
I think we've all met someone like this, who constantly lies about things for attention. However, it's important that you know she isn't a bad person, she is clearly crying out for attention. People who lie about everything, even the littlest of things, usually want people to feel sorry for them so that they get attention, and even though it's frustrating and irritating, she just needs help. It's not the right way to ask for help, but everyone has different ways of dealing with things. In my opinion, it seems to be people who don't fit in very well - never had much attention from their family, never really had any friends, so they try a different way to make people like them by making them feel sorry for them. The fact that she says 'I have a tablet, too' when you say you have one, it sounds like she is trying to be friends with you and have something in common with you, maybe she's even trying to be like you. She obviously has low self-esteem and personal problems, and maybe a socialization issue.
I would say there are two options here (that I can think of, anyway):
1. Avoid her, cut her out of your life. If you feel like she is causing you stress then you shouldn't have to put up with it.
2. Confront her, tell her that you know she is lying and ask her why, tell her to be completely honest and tell her that you understand.
Please don't blame her or judge her for lying, a lot of people feel left out and lie to fit in or get attention from people because they feel alone. It's not okay to lie, I am not condoning what she has done/said, but she clearly needs help. However, I'm not saying you have to help her, it's not your problem, if you can't deal with helping her then you have every right to cut her out of your life, but whatever you do, try to understand what she is going through and how she is feeling. It sounds like she is very much alone right now and needs a friend - you could be the friend that helps her and makes her feel less alone. Good luck.
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I don't have a lot of friends andI know I should be grateful for the ones I do have but I feel alone. I don't have like a group of friends all my friends are from different groups. I used to have a group of friends but we're not really friends anymore but that's a story for another time. Anyways lets talk about the kinds of friends I have friend A is really judgemental and she's always called me ugly but with mixed signals I don't if she knows that I caught on but oh well but this is how she'd call me ugly in grade 8 she said that me and this guy would look cute together, the next day she said that same guy and this other girl would look cute together because they're both ugly. She just basically called me ugly without remembering what she said the day before. Grade 9 comes and she says "wow you're so lucky you're not popular cause I don't hear boys talk about you and say that you're super ugly" so she just called me ugly again. Grade 10 comes and she looks at me and says "wow I'm imagining how you'd look with makeup and longer hair you'd look really good" which indicates sheets 's still not happy with my appearance, grade 11 comes and my hair is finally longer and she says "see I told you, you'd look better with longer hair now all you need is makeup" indicating she's still not happy with how I look. Grade 12 just started and she's still bringing up I should wear makeup. I finally branched out in making new friends too so in grade 10 I became friends with friend B we clicked and hung out a lot in the summer until Halloween of grade 11 when she got a boyfriend and to this day she only talks to me about her boyfriend, doesn't invite me out anywhere unless her boyfriend comes, even when you tell her that you want a girls night he still finds a way to come. They're basically joined at the hip cause they're always together so of course I feel alone when I hangout with her cause now whenever I tell her my problems she relates it to her boyfriend, I'm friends with her boyfriend too but they're just annoying. Friend C only talks about her culture and makeup and whenever you bring something else up she says "stop its gonna make me depressed" in the summer she used to call me every single day and I'm not exaggerating whether I was out with family she would call, now she has a guy to talk to and now that's all she talks about, she's like friend B where if you bring something up she'll relate it to the guy. Friend D only talks about boys and again whenever you bring up something else she'll brush it off and talk about her problems but out of all these friends id probably have fun hanging out with friend D because this summer she was the only one that wanted to hangout with me. Friend A and I only talk in school, friend B was all about her boyfriend and I don't wanna hangout with friend C because she's too "classy" to take public transit. Her words not mine. I just want a friend where we can both talk about our problems equally, still be able to have inside jokes and we're not judgemental about each other, we wouldn't talk about the same thing 24/7 and we'd go places. With the friends I have now let me just tell you this now none of them really personally know anything about me I've known friend D the longest out of all of them and she didn't even know my family background till this year that's to tell you how self-centred my friends are but I could tell you so many facts about them. I've tried making more friends at my school but now that it's grade 12 cliques are already formed and I'm super shy I'm surprised I've made different friends but the ones I haven't mentioned are just acquaintances that don't want to be anything more than a school friend. What do I do what can I do to stop feeling lonely when I have friends? I have social media too but I also feel alone on there too cause no one interacts with me whenever I interact with them they just favourite my tweet and that's it. Please help and thank you if you've read up to this point and sorry if there are a lot of typos this was typed on my iPhone. I also tried joining clubs and so far everyone in the clubs are friends with each other already so they kind of automatically excluded me with out their knowledge
It's perfectly normal to feel alone even though you have friends, however the worst feeling isn't being alone, it's being around people who make you feel alone.
Let's start off with friend A: you don't need someone like that in your life, someone who is going to drag you down. Most friends would try and make you feel more confident, not less, and being around girls like that changes you. It's great that you feel confident enough not to wear makeup, most girls cover their face to look better, but you don't, and that's a good thing, so don't let her think it isn't! It means you have more confidence than a lot of people, and a lot more confidence than you think.
Friend B: a lot of people, when they get a boyfriend, become distant, sometimes they don't mean to and sometimes they don't even realize they are doing it, but they become so wrapped up in their happiness that they forget everyone else's. If you speak to her about how you feel and she still doesn't care, then she's not a good friend, but she probably doesn't even realize how she is making you feel, because you shouldn't have to put up with his presence every time you see her, but they are in a relationship, they are happy. You should talk to her about it, ask for a girl's night without her boyfriend, and if she still doesn't understand, well, she's not a good friend - but she probably doesn't know she's doing anything wrong.
All your friends seem like they're a bad influence on you. If you have friends and still feel alone, then you know you are surrounding yourself with the wrong people. I think most friendships come out of nowhere, like, when you're not looking, you just meet someone unexpectedly. You don't need people around you, maybe you should spend some time focusing on you - and only you. If you push yourself to meet people, you may find that it's not easy to make new friends, which may upset you even more, if you let it happen then it will be worth the wait when you find a great friend, but also you have more 'me' time, which is important, too.
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