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Q: If a friend is doing idiotic things that are endangering her health, how far must you go to stop them before it becomes "nagging"? Urge them to change their ways once? Twice? Get other friends and gang up on them? In the opinions of the great Advicenators, when do such actions go past the point of being helpful and instead become merely annoying and likely to irritate the person you're trying to help?
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Dear Helper,
For one thing, you're being a really good friend just by caring at all. If you're really worried about your friend, then ask them to sit down alone with you and have a serious talk. Talk about how you're scared for them. If they deny anything then try talking to a guidance counselor or their parents about it. Try to get it through to them that you think what they are doing is dangerous and need help.
-That Advice Lady
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Q: So there's this boy and I used to be able to talk to him with no problem, but now that i like him i can't even say hi to him. our winter formal is coming up and i kinda want to ask him, but i don't have enough courage to do it. for christmas i gave him a card and he really liked it, but since then i can't even say the word hi to him. i really want to tell him i like him, but i'm afraid it'll be awkward. and should i make him something for valentines?
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Dear I can't say hi,
I know what it feels like to go up to someone you really like but get freaked out and totally lose your nerve and run away. The thing out it is though, you will never know if you two could ever get together if you don't ask, even if that is by writing a special valentines, asking him to the winter formal, or just saying, "Hey, i've been wondering- would you like to go to a movie with me?" Imagine if he died tomorrow- and all of the regret you would feel because you were too scared to ask. You have to do it soon before it's too late and even if it doesn't work out you can finally get over the crush and go back to being friends. And if you can't find the nerve to talk to him- write him a note- seems a little impersonal but sometimes it helps. But make sure you write it, wait, read it over, and when you're sure- give it to him- no regrets.
-ThatAdviceLady
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Q: Well my best friend since 1st grade (im in 8th by the way! Well she has always been the goody goody type like when she goes out with guys all she does is the basics (kiss), well just this year she went out with a guy named mark and she didnt know this but he loved to go all the way just on the first date. so she goes on the first date and then goes back to his house. she didnt exspect to you know do anything. Well then they start kissing and little before u know he has hind down her pants and she didnt say anything cause she is "shy" well all through that night they were so close to haveing sex, she gave a blowjob and a handjob, but his dad came home so they didnt go any further. And I might sound over protected but to go all that way in one night i mean who knows what there gonna do. I am worried only because she was a mistake when she was born, so wouldnt you think she would be careful and not have sex?? should i talk to her about it?? or what???
please help
sincerelly,
lost at thought
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Dear Lost At Thought,
First off- you're a very good friend for being concerned with this issue. Second off- your friend saying she was shy doesn't necessarily mean that she wanted to go through with it. It could be under the category of rape. Luckily the father came home before anything serious happened. You should talk to your friend, ask her if she really did want it, because most likely you're not ready in the eight grade especially if it's a first date. Ask her if she was just trying to please the guy or be cool and tell her it isn't cool and she shouldn't have to please anyone, if you're in a real relationship, respect is key. He should respect her. If she doesn't want to talk about it then try the mirror approach. Ask her to look at herself in the mirror and ask if what she sees is someone who would really do something just to please a guy on the first date. She should say no. If she starts to break down, console her, be a friend. If she says she does want to do that kind of stuff, tell her you understand, you may not think it's right but tell her to be careful, use protection. And if she's not okay then try to convince her to talk to a guidance counselor about this.
-ThatAdviceLady
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Info
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Website: Gender: Female Location: New York Occupation: Therapist/Mom Age: 36 Member Since: January 14, 2006 Answers: 16 Last Update: June 19, 2006 Visitors: 2493
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