QueenofDiamonds's advice column | QueenofDiamonds's Advice About Friendship

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Q: I don't have many friends because I'm reserved and not really social. I am way outgoing when people get to know me though. But because I am not outgoing around strangers, it's rare for people to notice and talk to me. I was wondering how you met some of your best friends? Any other suggestions on how I can make new friends besides joining clubs?

Hey,

I met my best friend when I moved to a knew state when I was ten. We were both staying with our families in a hotel. Basically she asked me if I wanted to play and me being shy said I wasn't sure if my mom would let me.

Well she asked my mom for permission and sort of cajoled me into playing with her. We had a great time and even though we both moved two different towns about thrity minutes away we still mantained our friendship. Even today though we live hundreds of miles away, she's still my best friend and we speak often.

Now obviously chances are you won't be moving any time soon so I can only say what has been said before. I know it's completely cliche but the only way to meet a friend, someone that you can really talk to is to join a club/sport. That's were a lot of people spend their time after school. Which really gives you a chance to get to know that person. Because not only will you be able to talk them during class/at lunch you will also be able to bond with them over something else.

I also think that you just really have to put yourself out there. I know it's extremely hard to be outgoing but you just have to take that leap if you want people to notice you. I've had that problem. Sometimes when strangers talk to me I sort of get a thick tongue and don't know what to say. I find that when I relax and stop worrying about how I'll come off, or if I'll say something dumb I fair way better and don't have trouble opening up.

Also, maybe try getting a part time job. Get a job in a place were a lot of teens work (if you're a teen). Like a movie theater or Mcdonalds. I knew someone in my senior year of highschool who worked at the movie theater and was friends with some of the people there. They went to school together so they were able to become best friends.

Q: All my friends are so much prettier and skinnier than me, and it lowers my self esteem. They are always the ones that get all the guys attention, and I hardly get any. I know it shouldnt matter at all, but it still bothers me. My friends dont treat me badly or anything, but im always worried that they are secretly thinking lower of me. Any suggestions on how to quit becoming so jealous and to stop thinking Im not good enough for my friends?

Hi,

I think that the only way that you can stop being so jealous of them is to realize that you are your own person and while you may not have the same looks as them, you are an individual who still has a lot to offer and are pretty in your own way. Could it be that you don't get any attention because you yourself don't believe that you aren't pretty/ beautiful enough. I don't think your friends would be friends with you if they didn't think you weren't good enough. You just need to have more confidence in your own beauty and stop comparing your looks to other people's. ( I've done this myself so I know.) If you always compare yourself to other people you'll never be happy. Just be confident that in your own way you are beautiful and you are worthy of your friends and a guys attention and I promise you guys will be lining up to be with you.
You have a lot to offer. Looks and otherwise. There is no need to be jealous or insecure.

Q: 20/F

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We have two very close friends who have been dating for a while. We go to parties at their house fairly often. When I get drunk, I'm very open, and I have showed my boobs a few times (I know it's bad). The thing is, I do these things because I was raped, and in a weird way it makes me feel like I have control again. It's hard to understand unless you've been through the same thing.

Anyway, my boyfriend was cool with that, but lately my male friend has been asking to see them A LOT. Him and his girlfriend are in a very open relationship, so she doesn't care. Lately, though, he'll walk up without asking in the middle of a room full of people at the party and pull my shirt and bra down. He always pulls me on his lap and says that if I wasn't with my boyfriend, him and his girl would have been all over me and that if me and my boyfriend break up I better come to them first. I know this is all my fault because I laugh when I'm nervous and I have a problem saying no, but it's starting to bother both me and my boyfriend. The last time we were at a party, I was so drunk I could barely walk and I was walking to the couch and he grabbed me, pushed my head down, and acted like he was having sex with me. I would try to talk to him about this, but he's a big guy, very short tempered, and has a house full of guns and weapons. The last time a girl told him she wasn't okay with the way he acts, he got really upset, so I'm really afraid to say anything. The thing is, he knows I was raped, so I don't understand why he acts like this sometimes.

I know it's my fault, you don't have to tell me that, but is there any way I can ask him to stop without him getting mad? He takes everything to heart, and if I said I'm uncomfortable with it, it would be pretty bad.

Hello.

Listen to me. "Don't Ever EVER blame yourself."
I don't care if you showed breasts once. That does NOT give you him the right to touch you. Ever.
I don't know what you went through when you were raped, But I think the only way to get control is to STOP going over there. I know you want to stay in control but getting drunk is like the exact opposite. The ONLY way to stay in control is don't go over there. This guy sounds dangerous and explosive. A very bad combination. He knows your history and still doesn't mind taking advantage of you. He's trouble. No there is no way you can ask a volatile creep to stop sexually assaulting you. For your own safety stay far far away from him.
Also I think maybe you should see a counselor about your issues. Research counselors in your area. Some of them may be free.You can also join a support group in your area. Or you can call a hotline where you can discuss it with someone. It sounds to me like you have a lot of residual issues over what happened. Sometimes talking to someone about your issues with control can help.

Here are some links.
http://rapecrisis.com/services-counseling.php
http://www.rainn.org/

Here you can talk to people and there is a search bar to find counseling centers in you area.

I just read the additional info you wrote about him being okay hitting a girl. I reiterate, he's a MONSTER! DON'T LET HIM NEAR YOU.

Q: So, there is this guy , T, who I have liked for several months, we are pretty much perfect for each other, but I never made a move because he had a girlfriend ( who was 18) ( he is 15), plus he had recently moved from the east coast to the west (here) so I knew they were going to break it off eventually. Now i still really like him and we are good friends, but I dont want to freak him out because he just broke up with his ex like a week ago, and they have dated for almost 2 years.

But now I suspect our mutual friend to like him too! I never told J that I like T because I thought she would tell him and he was still in a realtionship, so that would kill our friendship. I want to stay friends with J but it would break my heart if they dated.

Then there is this guy D who is always telling me how much he likes this one girl, M. who is our ( D and my) mutual friend, now she knows that he likes her, but she doesnt know that he is always hitting on me. D and I are in yoga PE with J and when I am in some positions , he makes weird comments like "dayummm, id tap that" , and if i ask why he forgot his yoga mat, he says " i was hoping i could just lay on you"

I have no freaking idea what to do about my feelings for T, how i should handle the J situation, and how to respond to D with out hurting him or M.

help?

If I were you I drop a few hints to J that you like T. So then it won't come as a shock if you ever want to pursue a relationship with him. Then I would tell D that you weren't interested and that his comments made you uncomfortable. And then I would tell M That he was hitting on you. So she won't get her feelings hurt if he doesn't like her.

Q: My gf iss moving, and I also like this other girl at school, and she said she likes me. So when my gf moves away, should I get together with the one that I like?

If your girlfriend is moving away and you don't want to continue the relationship then go ahead.

Q: 15/female
I don't know what to do really. I met this nice guy through my friend on myspace, and it seems he has a thing for me, and wants to hook up sometime. Well apperantly, he added one of my friends on my top, who can practically get any guy she wants, and she is single now too. And I'm jelous, because i can't get guys that well, like she can. And I don't want her talking to him. What should I do?

My friend had that same problem. I think you should talk to your friend. Otherwise things might become tense and awkward if they become closer friends. Tell her what you feel. If she's insensitive then maybe she wasn't that great of a friend after all.

bio

I'm Celeste. I'm really good at helping people and I give great advice. Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
So if you need any help, just ask. If you wouldn't like to post your question here. Contact me with your question by email. I'm always checking my email so I'll be sure to get back to you. I'm very serious about the advice I give. I abhor people who give random unhelpful responses. So if you ask me a question I'll be sure to give you an answer that's relevant.

-Celeste-