HCOloverr22's advice column | HCOloverr22's Advice About Friendship

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Q: 16/f My boyfriend and i have been going out for 6 months and it has been amazing, but before we met he used to drink and smoke. He doesnt remember some nights, and i know he would drink and then drive. yes i know, no me gusta =[ He also smoked, mainly cigarettes, and pot just once. He realized how bad it was for him and decided to stop, and he hasnt done anything since. (i am strongly against drugs and alchohol. i wouldnt date anyone who did those things, and he gave it up for me along with his benefit in mind. me=straightedge =]) He doesnt plan on it and i support him all the way. He deeply regrets doing any of it, and i've told him everybody makes mistakes, nobody's perfect blah blah blah, but i was wondering if anyone could think of anything i could tell him to make him understand that he shouldnt hate himself for making those mistakes. its hard to explain what i want to tell him, idk. he is the most amazing guy i've ever met and we love each other SO much, but he can't forgive himself for it. any thoughts? please and thank youu =]

well, i participate in those things occasionally, but i applaude you for your belief against it, i think it's an overall smart choice and you should applaude your boyfriend too! its not easy to get out of the thrill of smoking or drinking, and that shows how strong and mature he is. obviously he is trying to convince you that he is guilty of his past, and that shows he's insecure and afraid of not receiving your approval. you might come off as too strong on your beliefs, and when you scold people who take part in illegal substances, he might take it to heart because of his past. the next time he brings it up, i suggest that you give it to him simply but strongly, such as "I will only say this once. Choosing to end your actions made a much greater impression on me than what you did before that. I never judged you because you realized your mistakes, and I'm very proud of you for that. I understand your guilt for your actions, and I completely recognize that, but I would love if we could move on from that." i hope i helped!

Q: im a junior in high school and this girl is a freshmen, we became really really close in like 3-4 months, we called each other best friends. we were OBSESSED with each other but now for the past like month we can't go two days without fighting. everything we say to each other is taken offensively and everything is a competition. we get mad at each other for everything and nothing works out. i havent fought with anyone in years before her, and now sometimes i just like hate life. she makes me absolutely miserable sometimes and we've both said some pretty hurtful things to each other. we've taken space.. but it doesn't do anything, we always just make up but a day later we fight again. basically what i'm asking is how do you know if you're supposed to just let her go or keep working on the friendship? eeven with everything i said before i can't imagine my life without her.. even when we're fighting i'm constantly checking her away message or facebook or whatever.. i jus can't imagine not being friends but i can't go on the way we are.. any help woould be great thank you

that's definetly a tough situation, but everyone has to deal with them from time to time. from what your question is stating, it's like a love/hate relationship. you cant live with your friend, you cant live without her. i would say to think about the subjects that you argue over, are they trivial or based on your morals and whatnot? arguing a lot with a person obviously means that you have a lot of differences, and usually that's fine, but if this friendship is affecting your life, i would say it's unhealthy. you need to really sit down and think if it's worth it or not, and make a type of pros and cons list to figure it out. i understand how hard it is to detach yourself from a relationship that had grown close, but you have to think of yourself and your life.

Q: ok, 1st this is going to be very long and for that i am very sorry! but here goes nothing:

Ok my friend (who is a guy, and i am a girl)Always follows me. Right after lunch we have 4th and 5th together.

So in my 4th hour we are doing a lab amd he ask me if i wanted to be his "lab buddy." I said i was sorry and that i already had one. Then we had to dign up for a lab table, me and partern signed upfor table 6, then my "stalker" went from table 4, to table 6. When i say i am so sick of school, he says "don't drop out." Im not dumb, and im not going to. He has to know what is going on inmy life or he gets so mad at me.

In 5th hour me and my friend Shelby and me are always talking together, and he has to but in. He is always trying to get my attention. If im talking to someone else, he'll say my name and i'll tell him one min, but if i take to long then he pokes me. It is so annoying. My friends say he has a crush one me. And i am starting to think that it is more then that. For my end of the year solo I sang unfaithful, and he told me that he would never do that to me, as if we were going out. And we are not. I do not want to be mean to him but what do I do? Any help I would really be greatful.
~*Keri~!

ooh i feel your pain! a weird guy at my school used to do that all the time, but i got up the courage to just tell him to stop bugging me like a 4 year old. i agree with your friends, he def. likes you, but that doesnt mean you have to be nice to him when he's being annoying! i think you should tell him privatly that you don't like him anymore than a friend and always will. if he doesnt get the message, tell him that it's ruining your friendship and you can't be friends with someone who acts like that. i think if he likes you enough, he'll stop. i hope i helped!

Q: my friend has been leaving me out a little lately. liek usually if i go somewhere, i invite her. well this weekend she is going to this girls house (her friend) i don't really know this girl and i dont' mind her but.. i just feel left out. i can't tell her i feel that way though cause its complicated. but what can i do to get over this feeling or something?

i think that if it's your friend, she shouldn't be leaving you out like that. to fix your problem, invite both your friend and HER friend over so you can get to know the girl you dont know that much about. you guys will probably see that you all can have fun together. this has happened to me before, and it works! sometimes you're the one who has to plan to get together to make friendships last. and also, maybe your friend just wanted to hang out with one person this weekend. that happens sometimes, and it probably doesnt mean she doesnt like you. i hjope i helped!

bio

Hii I'm Mel. I've been through a lot and I've been my own counseler way too many times, so I've basically dissected many situations. You could call me crazy, whatever, we all are. I kind of have a borderline insane interest in the idea of fashion and creativity, and also in the French Revolution. I LOVE music, I could give you the soundtrack of my life for a million dollars. Umm yeah that's it. BY THE WAY, I would very much like to have a line forming all the way outside the funeral home the day of my wake. :)
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Things I've experienced, therefore your benefits..: eating disorders, depression, suicide, heartache, sucky friends, sucky friend's boyfriends, deaths, marital affairs, divorce, icky confusing relationships, heart- wrenching relationships, fakes, bitches, and the ever-popular player! (Gotta love those.) OF COURSE the list goes on, silly!