I have a lot of life experience and a background in education and some counselling. The following are quotes from friends and family regarding advice I have given them in the past:
"You are so direct and to the point but not harsh."
"You have a lot of wisdom."
"You always know how to cut right to the heart of the matter."
I believe that I tell it like it is but I am also senstive to other's feelings and I am able to see things from various perspectives. Hopefully, I can help you too.
Gender: Female
Member Since: June 26, 2006
Answers: 28
Last Update: September 22, 2006
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well my mom does know & she yelled at him for it & he did it again. my stepdad knows about it everyone exept for my grandma[his wife] and my dad kno about this
thanks so much =] (link)
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It pains me to hear that your Mom knew about what happened and then your Grandpa did it again and is now being allowed to still see all of you.
Maybe it would be useful to share all of our emails with your Mom and step-dad. At this point, I would strongly encourage you to talk to a school counsellor; they will deinitely help you (I know because I work in a school). Or, ask an aunt or grandma to talk to your Mom.
Still praying for you, JC
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I went to the doctors about two weeks ago and found out that i am for sure pregnant. My boyfriend i am currently with is the father. My parents and his parents know. Also our siblings know. My mother has been telling me what to name my child. The middle name my child has to have if its the girl. My mother is telling me the child has to have my last name. My house is very stressful and im scared to stay here because i dont want to cause a miscarrage. Im not sure what to do. My aunt had a cat and while she was pregnant the doctor told her that was the cause of her dizziness and vomating. I have 7 cats. i am wondering if thats the cause i cant get rid of them because of me. I want to find away to move out of my home, before i am 18. Any ideas on all of this. It is driving me crazy. (link)
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I believe that the task of a finding a name for the baby will sort itself out; this is really the decission of the parents and nobody else.
All though this will not be the advice you want to hear, it is my sincerest hope that you consider adoption. I believe that you would be a hero to find a home with 2 loving parents who are ready to be a family so your baby could have the best possible life. From what I understand, if you were to go this route, you would have the say in which family adopted your baby. Think of the stress you are under right now. I am sure you realise that your stress will only be added to once the baby has arrived.
This is no offence to you but I cannot imagine any 15 year-old in the world who would be ready to be a parent. Perhaps you could talk to an adoption agency about talking to women who were once in your position and decided to have their child adopted. This might help you in making this decision.
I wish you all the best in this.
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Practically every morning when i wake up, my mom asks me if i have plans. And it drives me insane. I realize that she is only wondering, but how could i possibly have plans the MOMENT that i wake up? I know that i am overreacting to this but it still annoys me! Its also the wayy she says it. iTs just all so annoyign! (link)
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Mothers always want to know what is going on in their children's lives; it's their way of caring, even though it can be a little annoying at times. I am into my 30s and my mother is still like that; I have learned to take it as a sign of caring and a desire to connect.
I recommend that you have one plan prepared to tell her about each day before she asks you. Rather than dreading her questioning, be ready for it and expect it. This will help to decrease the tension for both of you and chances are, she will somewhat back off over time. She probably isn't excpecting your daily schedule; she may be asking you mainly as a way to connect and communicate with you. You could offer something as simple as who you will be hanging out with after school, even though it may the same old crowd.
Good luck with it.
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okay..umm fourth of july is coming up and my dad was planning a trip to go up to old fordge with my aunt and uncle and cousins and stuff. i would go there the 1st of july - the 5th of july. and my cousin on my moms side is having her graduation party on the 1st of july and i cant miss that for the world bc shes like a sister to me.(and yeah, my parents are divorced) and my dad had said to me if my mom could drive half way on sunday(the 2nd) then he would meet us half way.(in utica) and now my mom says no that she cant bc she has to cook food for a 4th of july party down the street and my dad wont come and pick me up and now im like crying and idk what to do!!! im all confused and if anyone out there whos parents are divorced and know how i feel, then yeah i would lovee some advice on what to do!! please helpp!!
x3 (link)
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I come from divorced parents also and remember this kind of stuff from my upbringing; I know where you are coming from.
It is my opinion that because your parents aren't able to get it together, you should not be forced to pay the price. It sounds like your parents do not object in any way to you going to your cousins graduation; it is just inconvenient for them to get you there. It also sounds like they are aware of how important it is to you. Unless there is another reason they dodn't want you to go, I believe you have every right to be there.
You didn't state your age but I got the impression that you are an older teenager. If so, I recommend that you figure out a way to get to the graduation on your own. Perhaps, ask other relatives if they would be able to take you. Or, talk to your Mom about helping you with bus fair to take a Greyhound.
Good luck with it.
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Is coming to visit me & my family in the next 2 days. I recently heard about something he did to my older sister & now I'm really scared of him. He deserves to go to jail. He sexually harrassed my sister when she was around 3 years old and when she was in 3rd grade. Please help me. idk what to do im soo scaredd. (link)
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Hi again,
Thank you for writing me back with more information. I got the impression that your parents don't know about what your grandpa did. Again, I cannot stress enough the importance of telling them as soon as possible. My best guess is that your parents will want to protect all of you. If nobody tells on your grandpa then he will actually be the person who is getting protected. How backward is that? As I said earlier, typically sex offenders will do it again. It is especially imortant that he not be around any of you as one of you is only 3 and is not able to protect herself; this is the age your other sister was when he abused her.
If for some reason, you do not feel safe telling your parents then I would suggest that you and your sister tell another adult, preferably a trusted family member or school counsellor. You can always call your local police and ask them for the number of Child Protective Services in your area.
I so hope that you open up this family secret so you and your sisters get the protection you deserve. You are all too young to be dealing with this on your own. It is also my belief that by exposing your Grandpa, you will be helping to keep other girls(including your baby sister) safe in the future.
Again, feel free to keep me posted.
You didn't say how you heard about what your grandpa did but if you are unsure of the accuracy, please dig further(I suggest talking to your sister yourslef if you havn't yet, unless she is still little).
I am also not sure if you have talked to your parents about this or if they know. If not, it is very important that you go to them immediately. Under no circumstances should your grandpa have access to your sister or you or any other child, in my opinion. Unfortunaltey, these kinds of people tend to repeat their actions and it is far too risky for children to be exposed to them.
I sincerely hope that your parents will do the right thing for your family and press charges against your grandpa, if they haven't done so yet. You and your sister should not be living in fear over this; you deserve to be protected. It is also my sincere hope that your sister has received some type of tramau concelling to help her deal with all of this.
If the above measures have not been taken, perhaps, you could show this email to your parents. I work with children in my job and am familiar with how damaging sexual abuse can be to the lives of children.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Please feel free to write me back.
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Sixteen years old and male. I'm not sure why, but I don't talk to my father. I don't hate him or dislike him. My uncle noticed that when he stayed to visit and told me that I need to go up and talk to him more often. I tried to, but I guess after awhile I stopped. What really got to me was that my sister said that to me too, and she's younger than me. I guess it's that noticable. But I want to know what I could do to start conversations and talk. The only time he goes out of his way to talk to me is when he needs me to fix the computer or get him something (and I'm not exagerating). He gets home late and is always busy when he's home.
Should I write him e-mails? He is constantly checking his e-mail. I do feel somewhat uncomfortable talking to him about anything more than the Yankees game. Generally I'm not too open, it's not easy for me - but it's really bothering me now because I want to create an open line of communication, but I don't know how to start or what to do to make sure that once I start it doesn't fall apart. Any advice? Thanks. (link)
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The first thing I would offer you is to point out that the relationship you and your dad have is not only your fault. Your father has at least 50% of the responsibility here. I say this not to point fingers but to take some of the blame off of yourself. Clearly your dad is the type of person who is not comfortable with a lot of intimacy in his closest relationships, perhaps to the point of being fearful of expressing even positive feelings. I am impressed that at 16 you notice this in both your dad and in yourself and care to make changes. I didn't start to make changes in my relatiosnship with my parents until I was well into my 20s. So, you are way ahead of the game; all of your subsequent realationships will be better off for it.
After having stated that both you and your dad are somewhere at 50/50 with this problem, does that mean that you only have to do half of the work to help your relationship? I believe not. I believe that you alone can make changes in your own behaviour with him which could have a 1oo% influence over this relationship.
You mentioned that your conversations currently are at the level of discussing the Yankees. Personally, I think this is a fine place to begin. Many men are most comfortable in these kinds of areas (ie. sports, cars, etc.). If this is where his comfort zone is then find commonalities here that you two can bond over. Maybe next time you guys talk sports, you could risk extending an invitation such as, "It would be great to go to a game with you sometime, Dad." I think you may be surprised by how happy this would make him.
I think your idea of emailing is a great one. It could be a very safe way for both of you to open up more than you would otherwise.
Good luck with it.
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Well today I am going to hang out with my boyfriends family but he has a little brother of around 5 years old. Uhm I am not very good with kids... I usually try to make them laugh and they just stare at me...lol emabarasing!!! So please help give me some advice so I dont look end up looking like a fool. (link)
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I have a lot of experience with children as I work with all ages of kids. My advice would be just to be yourself. It really is no different then meeting an adult for the first time. For example, if you are a shy person when first meeting someone, then you probably wouldn't be hamming it up and being the life of the party in the beginning. Like adults, children can sense if a person isn't being themselves and it will make them uncomfortable. There is no need to be the clown around children if that is not who you really are. Lot's of people have wonderful relationships with children and do not have this type of personality at all.
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Has anyone been to the Galapagos Islands? If so, how was it and would you recommend anyone else going? (link)
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I have not been to the Galapogos Islands but my brother was there a few years ago. He has travelled all over South America and this was his favorite spot. He is a diver and the islands are known for their amazing sea life. His pictures are incredible. Good luck with your trip-planning.
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my name is Rachel and iam a 17 year old girl and my sister moved in with her 2 kids and it's getting really crowded right now becouse it's my mom my stepdad my sister her 2 kids and me that's 6 people living in 1 house with 2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom and iam currently sleeping on the couch which I think is unfair so I asked my cousin michelle who is 36,but is like a big sister to me if I could move in with her and she said I could,but I had to ask my mom first,but the problem is I know my mom won't go for it what should I do?my stepdad is getting really cranky please help me! (link)
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Hi Rachel,
It does sound like you are getting a raw deal in all of this chaos. I believe that your house has become a home for various individuals(ie. your step-dad and your sister's family) while your needs are are not being addressed. It seems like a very basic requirement for a 17 year-old girl to have her own room, especially when there are so many extra people in the house. I think it is admirable that your Mom is helping out your sister but I believe that you need as much attention and care as you are still the minor child in your mother's house.
I think your idea of living with your cousin is an excellent one. It sounds like you have a healthy relationship with her and she may be able to give you the loving home you need right now. It is understandable that your Mom could be hurt by your desire to leave the house. However, if you calmly and clearly explain how all of this has effected you (focus this conversation on your feelings), she will probably be understanding as well. I would also advise that your cousin talk to your Mom about it.
I wish you all the best in this.
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Ok, so on new years eve me and my then friend got really drunk and my mom didn't find out until about a month ago. Well she has to go away for the 4th of july weekend and she's like you better work that weekend (what she means is you better not hang out with your friends while i'm gone!) I already said it was a stupid mistake that will never happen again! I need her trust back...and i know this sounds like i don't care or whatever but i still want to party. I mean i'm in high school i want to have the expiriance (sp?)Ok i need her trust back! (link)
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The way I see it, your Mom must already have a fair amount of trust in you because she has decided to leave you alone for another weekend. Otherwise, frankly it is her responsibilty not to leave you on your own if she is concerned that you can not be trusted. Does this mean that you can therefore go ahead and party like crazy while she is away? Well, yes - that would be your choice to do so. But, if you do so, the consequence will be that you will be even further behind in the trust game with her. The choice is yours.
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