Imperfectionist's advice column | Imperfectionist's Advice About Families

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Q: Female, 15

Hey, so my parents are divorced, and have been for about 8 years.
My mother doesn't seem ok. She doesn't have a full time job, and hasn't for about 2 years. However, she works at a supermarket about 3-4 times a week for about 4 hrs each time.

She is currently doing an online course, which seems to be taking her about 2 years. She is a bit of a perfectionist, so it takes her a bit longer than expected to submit work in, but she recieves really good marks for her hard work. She studies a lot during the days.

She does most of the house chores, but she has been complaining a lot recently saying that she would like more help with things like vacuum cleaning, washing clothes, packing the dishwasher, etc. I am trying to help now but my brother hasn't really been doing much. The thing is, she seems to be complaining a lot, and I am starting to think that maybe it's something else.

We never seem to go on vacations, or even out for dinner or something. Because we can't really afford to. I want her to do things for herself, she seems to be stressed a lot, with finances and what she's going to do job wise after this course. She seems to be very stressed about this course as well, saying that she'll never get it done and stuff like that. I am worried about her. I asked her if she's ok and she said that she doesn't think she is and then she walked out of the room. She reads a lot about life and how to make the most out of it and love yourself and things like that.

I am worried about her. Is there something I can do to help her? She can be happy, but just recently she seems to be stressed often. I am thinking of getting a part time job and saving up for her to go to a spa resort or something like that. What do you think?

One.) let me say how refreshing it is to here a kid worry about their parent for once instead of focusing on their own drama. Also while mentioning this as a person who grew up parenting her parents remember to not baby your parent.

ANYWAY. Lol. Your mom sounds like she feels stuck and lost. Not to mention she probably doesn't feel like a great mom because when money is tight parents tend to feel a bit broken because they can't give their children the things she wants. Not only that but she is working and going to school which is probably stressing enough as it is.

I love your idea of getting a part time job and the fact that you are trying to help her out more. lET YOUR BROTHER KNOW HE SHOULD TO! Sit him down and explain to him, straight up that he needs to help out a bit more. Don't sound naggy or pushy. Just let him know you can tell your mom is going through a tough time and you are honestly worried about her and need his help.

I love the spa idea or even save up to send her to get a haircut or her nails done. Something as small as a haircut or a fresh manicure can make someone feel great.

Just try to be there for her, obviously not as a friend, but her daughter. Let her know you love her at random times and just show her as much appreciation and gratitude as you can.

Q: I need help deciding if I should move in with my dad. It hurt me physically and mentally here at my moms. But if I do move in with my dad it may hurt me too. Im really confused and I want to figure out before I go back too school Monday. Please help.

Well i would need more information like why you want to leave your mom's and what has you anxious over staying with your dad's but if you really feel neither one of these are an option, maybe try a different family member like an aunt, uncle, grandparent, and etc.

Q: well you see my boyfriend and i have been dating almost 7 months now. his parents are split up and his mom is movng away to another city he cant live with his dad because they always fight and it turns physical . i will be 17 on march and he will be 18 on apirl my mom love my boyfirend but i just dont know what to say to let my mom have him move in . Yes we are haveing sex and she know this, im on birthcontrol and we always us a condom. for extra safety. what are somthing i can say to have my mom at least consider haveing my boyfirend move in . some additional facts is my bofirend just got his ged we are awaiting to see if he past whitch will be on the 26 of this month . he is applying to work so he could help with some bills or my mom could charge him rent 100 a month or what ever she chooses and he will be attending school for his career i am still in school but i am not allowed to work till the following year (school year)since that will be when i turn 18.

You can ask your mom, but he should be living with family for two reasons. That is your mom's house not yours. And a $100 a month is nothing, because that doesn't cover the extra food she'll have to put in the house, the water he'll be using, the electric he'll be using, the gas, the cable and etc he'll be using in her house. $100 could probably cover the food though. And the other reason is he has a family, his mom is dying, she is moving and her son should go with her. If he can't survive with his dad. And i'm sure he has other relatives he can live with. If you want to live with your boyfriend, start saving up. and get your own apartment together.

Q: So I kinda melted this cup I got from the circus 2 years ago and my grandparents paid like $9 for it. It was a complete accident but now I'm feeling really stupid and guilty about it. What can I do?
P.s. I can't get another one cause the circus has moved on to somewhere else.

you can tell the truth and offer to repay them.

Q: My parents divorced when I was 15 months old. My mother had custody, while my father had visitation. I remember times not seeing my dad, some because he never showed up free he said he would, other times there was just limited visits. After I turned 5 I completely stopped seeing my father an stepmother. Growing up, I was told my father did this or that, whether my brother and I asked or just information thrown at us. Now I am 27, and have slowly begun to form a relationship with my father. I have had about 4 visits with him in the past year and a half. About 4 months ago I've developed a relationship with my stepmother also. Her and I have become close. My stepmother informed me of my fathers side I the story of why my parents split. Evidentially there were marital issues, therefore resulting in a trial separation, when my mother decided to have an "affair" while seperated and going to counseling. Granted my biological mother and I have always had a tense relationship, but this news made me feel very angry with my biological mom. I questioned my brother on why I had been told, and he confirmed that my mother slept with someone else. I never knew til recently, however my mom told my brother quite some time ago. Since I've started taking to my stepmother my mom has been snooping some and trash talking my dad and stepmother, I assume to continue hiding her secret, as she does not know I am aware of her infidelity. So, my question is do I have a right to be angry with my mother? And how should I approach telling her I know when the subject arises again?

you're not a kid anymore. and your mom is being childish. this isn't high school and she needs to grow up. next time your mom trash talks them, just be like "mom, i get it. you hate them. but you never see dad trash talk you even though you cheated on him" it will be cold but it will be what she needed. and you do have a right to be mad at your mom because you are finally trying to make some sort of relationship with your father and she is trying to get in the way. She needs to be reminded that he didn't do that to her. opening someone's eyes isn't always done in a nice way.

Q: In april my dad cheated on my mom with her bestfriend and they have had a relationship ever since. My parents divorced and my dad is still dating my moms bestfriend. When my mom was friends with her, she told my mom how she cheated on her husband with her boss and many other people. Her and her husband are divorced now andI have no doubt she's already cheating on my dad too. Anyways, my mom has 90% custody of me so my dad has me 2 days a week. During those 2 days he is constantly texting her, we barely talk. I refuse to be around my moms ex bestfriend because I hate her and everything she does. My dad can't stand that I'm being so stubborn and neither can she. I already told my dad I want nothing to do with her, yet he constantly asks me to come along with them. I've tried explaining how I feel to him but he just gets mad. I want to spend more time with him but shes always there. I can't even go to MY FAMILY events because shes there. I missed out on my grandmas birthday, my great grandmas birthday and I'm sure I'll be missing out on Thanksgiving and Christmas because of her. I just want her gone and I'm afraid soon my dad is going to make me choose between either accepting her or not seeing him. I really want my dad back. This has ruined our whole relationship.

for one thing, you can't let some random women take away time from your father. it doesn't matter the situation. you need to sit your dad and talk about this.. of course understand even though parents were once teens they still never seem to understand even though movies and t.v. will tell you different. anyone who isn't in your exact shoes, WILL never understand. tell your dad you want to spend time with him, no phone. just you guys. but also whether you like this women or not as long as your dad is with her, you are going to have to deal with it. so go out with the two, just deal with her. nobody says you have to like her but at least pretend because you love your dad. and that's more important then her.

Q: So I am a 15 yeard old female, and I am bisexual. I am sure this is not some "phase". I have always had an attraction to girls, and this year I've felt that attraction even more.

Let's cut to it. I've told abou 10 of my friends that I am bi, and all of them have accepted it so far.

Basically, I have no problem coming out to the world as a bisexual, but it's my parents. They are very homophobic. And when I say very I mean extreamly. My dad hates andything related to LGBTQ, and my mom does too, but she has a bi friend.

What I'm basically asking is if you have any tips on how to come out to homophobic parents, or what I should do etc.

honestly, i am bisexual like a true one. more attracted to girls (and im a girl) than man and i have very strict christian parents. I never came out to them nor do i plan ever coming out to them because i'm 18 and they still don't even want me dating... yeah it's that strict.
but anyway i'm not going to "come out" to my parents because it's none of their business. My life should be my own. Now if you want to tell your parents just sit down and be direct.
Don't be slow at "ripping the bandaid" say it. don't let it lead to a discussion and tell them if they can't accept it, thats too bad because that is who you are.

bio

Hi, thanks for coming to my column.

The name is Diamond but Dia is fine.

20, female, jersey girl at heart. mixed race taurus natured woman.

So...the reason I made this was during the start of my senior year of high school I had reached a point in my life where I didn't want to live anymore. I was tired of fighting and didn't see the reasons to fight. It was a random stranger that made me realize I would be stupid to take my life and to stop fighting.

So if you think I'm going to tell you life gets easier, I'm not. Let's face it, it doesn't get easier. Through pain you get stronger and learn to open your eyes to those things that give you strength to live.

Mine happen to be music, writing, dr. pepper, anime, the color black, the way rain sounds, and an amazing boyfriend. What gives you strength to live?