I have a heart to help people; especially young people. I have a Bachelor's degree in pastoral studies and I can't wait to find a youth pastorate. Right now, I'm trying to pay off my school bill. I am married to a wonderful young lady who completes me. I don't know everything, by far, but I'll make this promise to you. Any advice I can offer will come from the infallible Word of God. What makes me think I can offer anything worthwhile. Well, it's God Who has the answers, but He utilizes His people as instruments. I, by reason of use (Heb.5), am able to help you understand what God says about your problem and how to respond to it. May God bless you and use me for His glory. --ByReasonofUse
Gender: Male
Location: Hendersonville, NC
Occupation: Mortgage Loan Analyst
Age: 24
Member Since: August 11, 2005
Answers: 33
Last Update: March 16, 2006
Visitors: 4407
Main Categories:
Spirituality
Families
Theater
View All
Favorite Columnists
FunnyCide
|
| |
my grandmother moved in last month because she started to get sicka nd everything so we had her come to our house after the hospital& everything. well i alwasy have faught with my mom, we just really dont get along like most of the time. but its been worse since my nana has been here. the other night my mom started yelling at me about everything ( she has issues, im not tryin to get attention she has problems though but i love her) but she started yellin at me so i was yellin back and my grandmother started bitching at me and they both started like egging me on trying to get me mad, cuz my mom knows how to get me mad and irritated. the next day my grandmother moved into my other aunts. i obviously feel really bad even though i knows its better but i feel like my moms hurt and my whole fam (my aunts and uncles, cousins) are all mad
what do i do? i dont wanna apologize idont know i dont think i have to but i probably do =( (link)
|
Should you apologize? Yes. Why? Your mother/grandmother deserve your respect and obedience. They are your authorities. Not the other way around.
Were they right for yelling? No. The Bible directs parents not to provoke their children. If you did something wrong (disobey, lie, talk back, etc.), you deserve correction/punishment, not degrading remarks and yelling. That's lazy parenting.
Who should be "the bigger man" and apologize first? You should. Why? Submit yourself to your mom's authority and show her that you are willing to comply with her rules, even if she does wrong. God never excuses someone's doing wrong for any reason, even someone else doing wrong first.
I think you'll find that if you apologize and submit yourself to your parents' authority, they'll apologize too, and maybe start provoking you less.
-ByReasonofUse
|
my parents and I ALWAYS fight. Right when I turned 13 they started becoming so overprotective. They track my e-mails, text messages, and phone calls. They won't let me hang out with my friends either. I got invited to Washington with my BFF for Fall Break and of course they said No. When I asked why they started yelling at me and grounded me for " being a brat. " I can't take it anymore. I'm stuck in my room everynight for the dumbest reasons like, I got an 83% on a math test (apparently a B isnt good enough ). I CANT TAKE IT. pleasee help, I'd really like it.
PS: I've never been a bad kid. I'm responsible, great in school, I don't get into trouble or do drugs or anything. SO why did they become so overprotective ?
thnks bunches. (link)
|
What does God say about your situation? Well, He gives this instruction in Ephesians 6: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Hounour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
What does this mean?
First of all, God says that children are to obey their parents. This is YOUR first responsibility. You must obey. Why? God says, "this is right." The first way to gain the trust of a parent is to be gladly obedient. That means you obey with a good attitude. Even if you don't agree with their position, God says obey. Maturity will be manifested when you choose to obey and then start becoming content with their authority.
Secondly, God says that you are to honor your parents. This means to give due reverence and respect for them as your authority. Again, this is YOUR responsibility. Let me commend you here for not saying disrespectful things in your post about your parents. It is very apparent that you don't agree with them all the time. That's okay. But you must honor them. Don't talk badly about them behind their back. And what about when there is a confrontation at home. Even if your parents raise their voices, you must not. Honor them by willingly submitting yourself to their authority. I once hear someone put it like this. If the authority is becoming oppressive, the subservient is to do whatever he/she can to bring him/herself into line with what the authority wants. You are responsible for your actions and attitudes.
Thirdly, the parent is given instruction in the passage. The Bible says, "Fathers," but the original greek term is a term commonly used for both parents. Parents are to avoid provoking their children to wrath. What does this mean? It means that the parents are to bring up the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, or in the teaching and discipline of the Lord. The parents are to do this without intentionally doing things to provoke a bad response/behavior and without making their demands more than the child can handle. This is NOT your responsibility. You cannot control what your parents do. So here's my advice. Obey and honor your parents. Pray that the Lord will show them that you are ready for more responsibility. Remember, you cannot be ready for more freedom, without being ready for more responsibility.
Let me know if I can be of further assistance,
-ByReasonofUse
|
|
hi. well, i have a younger sister. shes 2 years younger than me, and i have a problem. my bedtime this year is 10, and last year it was 10:30 [wtf..] and i even told my mom but of course all shed say was "10 is good for me..hey a bug." and whenever i get something my younger sister gets it the same year! like our allowances have been the same our whole lives, and they started when i was like 9 and she was 7. AND the year i got a cell phone SHE DID!! and i just know shes gunna get an ipod this year like i did over the summer with my own money. i hate this crap. it isnt fair that i have to wait 2 more years than her to get the same stuff she does. how do i aproach my mom? **NOTE: she ALWAYS says "because i said so" -or- "u always are complaining" (link)
|
Age isn't the factor that parents should use in deciding what priviliges to bestow upon their children. Maturity is. I don't know you, but I guaranty you that the moment you get control over your jealousy, your parents will see it and begin to trust you more. Objectively take a look at yourself. Do you complain a lot? Do you whine or pout when things don't go your way? Do you shout or do you respond with respect? I do understand what you're saying. It does seem like it may be a case of trying to pacify little sister, but what you need to remember is this: with more privilige comes more responsibility. How do you handle your current responsibilities? The Bible says he that is faithful in little things will be faithful in much. God gives two commands to children: obey you parents and honor your parents. If you do these things, then God is pleased.
--ByReasonofUse
|
|
okay well my parents got divorced when i was younger and well i lost in touch with my dads side of the family and i havent seen them since i was little well recently my sister lives with my dad and i live with my mom so my sister gave me there phone number and email address and well its kind of weird cause there like my cousins and well to me there like strangers and i dont know what to do (link)
|
Hey, welcome to the club! Just kidding. I do know what you're feeling, so you're not alone. My parents divorced when I was young too. I do know my cousins and my dad's side of the family pretty well, just because I spent time with them before the divorce and kept in touch with them afterwards. However, in recent years, we've kind of grown apart. My grandfather told me about 3 years ago that some of the family felt like I didn't want to be associated with them. Obviously, that's totally wrong. Telephones work two ways. Here's my point, the only way to get to know anyone is by spending time with them. So keep in touch with them, but tell them that they can call you too. We're all busy in life and aren't always looking for a spare time to call distant relatives. So set up a plan with them and stick to it. It will be awkward at first, but they're family so it's worth it. Give them a call. It helped me.
--ByReasonofUse
|
Well about my family. My mother and I get along very well. We help eachother out around the house, keep eachother company, and make eachother laugh..when her boyfriend isn't living with us. Which is every few weeks for about three to seven days. There isn't five minutes in a day that they arent arguing and half the time they are full out screaming at eachother, slamming doors and my mom crys about every other day. He has punched a hole in the wall, and pulled a gun on us twice. Once every three weeks or so, we'll have to leave the house around 12 or one at night for our own safety (usually on school nights). He was a very heavy drug user and went to jail about three months ago for it. The cops are at our house every couple of weeks, making him leave, and every time he does he steals a bunch of our stuff. One time, just to be an ass, he took all of the dog food so the dogs couldn' eat and cause us trouble. He does little things like that just to be a prick, everyday. He's always making things up about me to get me in trouble with my mom, and he used to be nice to me in front of my mom, but lately he's even being a jerk in front of her to me. They will fight and yell for hours at time, but if I say one single thing about him my mom says,"I don't want to hear it." or "I've heard enough today." So she'll listen to him yell for three hours but wont listen to me say a single word. My best friend was over the other day and we were laughing about something and my mom said, "You two need to be quiet so Brian does'nt get in a bad mood." Now I can't even laugh in my own house with my own best friend because God forbid Brian gets in a bad mood. You have no idea how many times I have full out told my mother exactly what was on my mind (I quit trying to tell her months ago) but she just doesnt care. Sometimes we will plan to go somewhere after she picks me up from school or practice, but she'll bring Brian when she comes to get me, so when I get in the car she acts like we never even had plans, and when I ask her about it she looks at Brian and says, "Do you feel like going to..(wherever it is I want to go)?" and of corse he says no, so we just go home. Theres also been a few times where this will happen, then when we get home he decides he wants to go somewhere, so they go do what he wants to do. Hes never had a job for more than 6 weeks, and at one point he didnt have a job for over a year. At the moment neither him or my mom have a job because they worked at the same place and he got fired because he dissapeared one day on one of his fits for like three days. It caused my mom so much stress that she quit her job. Whenever im on the computer, I CANNOT get up for even two minutes to use the bathroom because he comes in and closes EVERY single thing I have up just to be an ass. And when my mom asks about it and he lies, she completely takes his side. What I've told you is barely even "the tip of the ice berg." I hate being at home not knowing whats gpoing to happen next or if this fight is going to get out of control again and he'll pull a gun again. I hate that when they fight and they both take off in different cars at 12 at night, that I have to be scared out of my mind knowing that he'll be back first. I hate being scared and im tired of crying. I just dont know what to do. I thought maybe i'd move in with my best friend, but they arent exactly wealthy..her mom doesnt work, but her, her dad, and her brother do. I wouldnt have a car or anything to get a job and theyd also have to worry about my school hours which are different from theirs. I'd be a complete problem. What do you think?
-Kayla (link)
|
Kayla,
Wow! Let me try to make this short and sweet. Scripture commands you to honor your father and mother. I don't know where your father is in this situation and I'm sorry if that's a sore subject, but this we know. You must give due honor and respect to your mother. The Bible never says that you only have to honor her when she is acting right, but that you are to honor at all times. I know it is hard to respect someone who doesn't "seem" to care, but trust me, she does. You can only fulfill your obligation to God. You are not responsible for what your mother does. In regards to your mom's boyfriend, I don't exactly know what to say. I would stay out of his way and pray much about the situation. The next time you and your mother can get some alone time, talk to her about it. Don't argue, just let her know what you're thinking. Don't be emotional, just talk. If he EVER takes a gun in an offensive way towards you or your mother again, find legal help immediately. He may just be trying to intimidate you but you never know with these types of guys. Your mother may be angry about your involving the police, but in the long run, it is going to be best for him to be removed from your home. Let me finish with this: don't focus on your being a "victim." Do what is right in God's eyes and He'll do the rest. Hope this helps.
--ByReasonofUse
|
i fell realli bad for mi twin sis.. she studys hard and dose all of her homework and dose everything she can to try and keep her grades up...she cant get above a C and then she looks at me i dont do my homework or pay atention in school or study for tets i guess on themm.. and i get straight A's adnd i wish there was something could do you kno.. if you have anyideas or advice pleaseee help i rate well!!!
=] **((hailey))** (link)
|
Hailey,
Here's my point of view. You need to ask and answer one question for yourself. "Is my feeling bad out of love and concern for her, or is it my guilt over not being faithful?" I know that if I had a bro or sis who tried harder than me but achieved "poorer" results, I'd feel kind of guilty. So here's my advice, short and sweet. It's got two parts. First, try harder yourself. The fact that your sis looks at your lack of effort and better grades could be developing bitterness and resentment in her. Although that is something she needs to deal with, you can help by showing her that you're committed to doing your best. Remember, it doesn't matter in eternity who had the better grades. What matters is who gave all they could give. Secondly, encourage your sister. This is something for you and your parents to do. Help her to understand that her efforts will be rewarded in the long run. She is preparing herself for a disciplined, mature, organized future. She needs to know that she is loved and accepted for her faithfulness and diligence. By the way, her greatest need, and your's too, is know Christ as Savior and Lord. If you both do, great. You will be rewarded by Him. If you don't I'd be glad to share more with you.
--ByReasonofUse
|
|