I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26925
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i think i have anger issues or something.im a very relaxed person(or i think i am) but somethings just make me so angry and some people and i hide it,that anger,beneath my smile,but sometimes it gets too much and it mixes with sadness(im depressed) and i feel like im going to breakdown and i do,and im angry but also so sad and i feel hopeless for me and the world,it has become a bad place,theres so much pain,and i cry,i cry a lot,this started to happen a lot lately(couple months) and at night i cant sleep,theres so much on my mind and i feel so sad,it hurts so much,but i cant cry,i feel empthy and im not like the other depressed teens that are insecure or something,im very confident,i habe friends,amazing parents,but i feel like im alone,theres so much,i cant take it,i might do something to myself,and i ask myself how did i let it go so far? what went wrong? why do i feel this way? will i make it? i really dont expect to get a good answer to this,but still i have a need to tell someone so...
girl,15 (link)
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Relax, it's your age more then anything, but your problem with the world is another thing. You're not alone in seeing the bad things in this world, many people do. But you know what, most people think they can change the world and set out to do so and give up eventually. They give up because you can't change the world, but you can take care of your own back yard. Make things better around you, help out in your city and by doing so you will encourage others too. We can only do so much, so find what you want to try to help with and work on it, let others work on what they want to and things get better. People think they can't do anything to change the world and it's true, they can't, but they can change "their" world, just by being in it. You look to people for answers, but what you don't understand is that everyone has their own answers and some of their answers are to do nothing, you need to choose what your answers are, hopefully you choose to make a difference.
Response to Rating:
I'm just asking, "why did you rate me, there is no real question here, nor did you ask any advice, you only ask yourself questions. I thought you just wanted to talk to someone and you posed some interesting thoughts so I responded. I guess I need to stop responding to people who don't ask for any real advice.
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ive asked myself this a lot of times,why am i depressed?
i have great parents that are so openminded,i have friends,i go to an awsome private school that i love,i have nice clothes,i have a pet that i love,ive traveled,i get almost anything that i wont,i have sort of good grades,im not insecure,not a skinny gurl,but i love myself the way i am,sooooo why am i so sad,why do i spent nigh after night crying for hours and hours? what went wrong? whats the reason for this unhappiness? it hurts so much and the only reason that i dont kill myself are my oarents,it would ruin them. but i dont know if ill make it,im 15 and already so damaged,what will that turn into after a few years? will i take it,im strong,very string,but im feeling like ill break,can you help me please (link)
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Hormones, that is your simple answer. Don't let them rule your life, just get through them any way you have too. Beware of any suggestion of drugs, but don't count them out. Mones are tough at many fazes of life, but recognizing them is more then half the battle. Try doing things that take you away from your regular, realize that there is much more for you out there, no matter how traveled you are. "See" what lies under everything, don't look, "see", there is a difference. Live your life, don't just fill it. When you come to know, understanding will follow. Be well dear spirit.
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i am a totall ignorant lately,from a couple months i cant get excited about almost anything and i dont care about anything,its good not to care about some stuff,but i dont care about anything and thats bad.maybe its apathy,i dont know...what should i do to get "better"?
-ghostgirl7 (link)
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You know, they have drugs for that. That's what a lot of people will tell you, but I'm going tell you different. No matter what anyone tells you, you are not suppose to feel any particular way, you are just suppose to feel. Take yourself out of your normal if you can. If you're city, go to the country, etc.... Feelings are changeable and should be explored in depth. You need to find out why you feel as you do, never ignore them, but never allow them to rule your life and understand that you can change them. Be the whole person.
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Ok i don't know what is wrong with me. But over the past 2 years i find myself cutting down on -or limiting- the types and amount of books and movies i read and watch. I am even starting to lock my self home because i can't stand the fact that i can't do what people are doing (people i don't know like renowned anthropologist or astronauts or so on...) I mean now i only read my text books or watch documentaries or "informative" shows that i could analyzed or extract meaning or a moral out of it without having to endure through the backdrop love story or adventure.... to elaborate...
my cousin begged me to go see twilight with her this past weekend. so being nice i went. I never read the book (for the reasons i stated) and have no prior attachments or knowledge of the story beforehand. after watching it i felt ok... it was an ok movie... a couple hours later... boom i knewwww i shouldn't have gone!!! i can't stop dreaming of it and i can't help feel bad (to the extent of serious depression sessions... as in can't get out of bed can't study can't shower let alone go out depressed!) i start wishing i had what was depicted like powers or such strong love...usually the imaginary or the idealized (nothing that relates to real life in anyway!) the problem it's not just twilight! it's anything i read or see!! even my safety net movies like documentaries and biology or philosophy or whatever books! granted i get a milder sort of emotional overthrow but it's still there... the other day i was watching something about famine and poverty and so on in africa and i got into this trance the whole day wishing i could be there or explore their world or be born an African to experience that... i don't think it is necessarily humanitarian empathy... i guess it stems from selfish roots.... like envy... (i am probably so green, that there are no green pigments for the rest of the world to reflect!!!!)
i know this sounds ridiculous and i sound like i am pmsing but i wouldn't be writing this if it weren't having such a terrible effect on my life!!
i've spoken to my mum and family doctor and they are convinced it is nothing (the doctor just laughed and said it's in my head and that he would "give [me] the birth control pills without all that") and laugh every time i try to explain... i feel really embarrassed but i don't know if it's just me or if there is something wrong with me!!! i feel i am missing out on so many things! including all the best sellers and box office hits :(
please help! (link)
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Edit,
Not all of our inner-search is about your God my dear. It is about finding truth, truth in the world, truth in yourself and even the truth in me. God is only where we start, where we end is not seen. Faith is as much a knowledge as a belief and faith in oneself is hard to find.
Like all of us, you are here for a reason. You have many who count on you, including oh so many you do not know. You may believe that life has let you down, only to find out it is you who are letting life down. You have and will have many people who you will touch, including a soul mate that awaits you to become the soul mate he needs you to be.
We so often fret over not having a boy friend, or girl friend, only to find out that while you were fretting, he/she was waiting. Waiting for us to become the one he/she could love. Don't be afraid of the challenge you put forth upon yourself. You are reacting to your situation, instead of acting upon it. Do you see yourself as a victim of life, or do you live your life?
Your sole mate is not in your TV, or in your living room, he is out here somewhere, in life. Don't take life so seriously that you forget to live it. Save time for yourself, but don't forget to give the rest of us some too. Get out of the city as soon as you can, spend a day in the world, the forest, the desert, hear the music of life. Have you ever just sat amongst the dandelions and watched the bees fly from flower to flower?
Don't be afraid to drop me an e-mail.
Original post;
There is so much pertinent information you leave out here that I should not even address this, but I'm going to. I don't know your age, or religious leanings, what is going on in your life etc.... My stab in the dark here would be, you are avoiding. There are things that you need to think about and you are not.
You are keeping your mind busy on other things to the point of obsession. Although, I go through something similar to this at different times of the year. Most of the time, I do not listen to older rock and roll any more, because I don't know when this will start happening again. I get songs stuck in my head for days on end. I will wake up, whether it is morning, or the middle of the night and the song will be playing in my head. I have gone for as much as three to four days with the same song running through my head.
The fact that you seem to be craving real input, suggests to me that you feel empty in someway and would ask you if it may be your faith. Are you questioning something you have been taught, or need something you have not been taught. I can't help but get the feeling of an emptiness in you from your writing.
"Life is a challenge, set down by God, to catch up to him." Knowledge, love, wisdom, curiosity, science and much more, are all apart of life and God. My knowledge is only touched on in my column, but it's a good place to start if you would like. I would enjoy a rigorous intellectual conversation from someone who so obviously has a brain, if you would care to write me.
Be well good spirit.
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When I was younger, I used to be of such unshakeable faith in myself. No matter how hard things got, or whatever befell me, I always kept trying.
I'm still trying, but I lost so much faith my ability to succeed. And I'm worried I'm becoming a jaded cynic.
How, besides actually really succeeding at something, can I regain my confidence and faith in myself? (link)
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I know this is going to sound to easy and you'll probably just dismiss it, but here is the secret. Know your good.
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So i'm a 17 year old girl. nothing special. but since july ish i've been having this feeling of being alone. i can't talk to my best friend about it because he's always like "i'm here for you" even though he goes to college and i'm still in high school, and he really doesn't understand what i mean. i mean alone, like, i feel like i don't belong anywhere. i'm single so i don't have a bf to talk to, my ex best friend and i are in a fight because we're not always on the same page, and she's so touchy about everything i say. i feel like all my friends are moving on with their lives, while i'm still stuck here not knowing what to do with myself. i want something new in life but i can't seem to find it. i haven't been to a doctor because i don't have one and i know i might have anxiety. my mom had depression so i don't know if that's rubbed off on me or not, but i keep getting this recurring feeling of being disconnected from the world. i've tried doing things to stay away from people, like read and go to the library during school, but nothing feels right anymore. am i mental or is there an explanation for this?? (link)
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Sweetheart,
I'm not sure why everyone jumps on the depression wagon all the time, when I was 17 it was not the first word spoken. You know what they called it? They called it sole searching, finding oneself. We all have the need to look inside of ourselves, but you know why it's depression these day's? The drug companies don't have a pill to sell you for sole searching, when they do, they'll go back to calling it that.
You are 17, you are suppose to be doing this, spending time alone with your thoughts is a good thing, don't let them convince you otherwise. We are not meant to be happy all the time, so don't fall into that. We are meant to feel all the feeling we have and we are meant to learn to cope with them. Should this get to a debilitating stage, where you can not function, you probably have let it go too far. So if it gets to the point where you feel it is getting in the way of you living your life, seek help then. But until then, do what you want to do, you want to be alone, be alone, for some reason your mind wants this, find out why. Please consider reading my column, you'd be surprised how often this question is asked in one way or another. There are other things there that may help you too.
be well good miss
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Well until a few years back i used to be a deep thinker...I was amazed when i read my old journals because i couldnt belive how i've lost contact with myself these days...there is so much stress around me...i used to write brilliant poetry before... but now when i write poems they sound lame... i wanna be the same deep and articulate person that i was...how??
f/19 (link)
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I Am I Was
I don't know who I was anymore only who I am. I see clearly what you were, shame on me for changing that when I am so thankful for what you made me.
I hear so often how short life is, yet, I feel its length. I have lived two lives within the span of one, what I was and what I am. I have been lifted up by your truth, your innocence and benefited in your pain. Your simplest beauty seen deep within your eyes, so often hidden by humility and lies, once told twice believed. Your brilliance seen by oh too many few, clearly seen in photographs, most forgotten, I recognize now.
Could I give it back or must it remain wrapped within the confines of my mind? Such a gift given should not be taken. This life I live in recognition, in remembrance, in shame for what I have taken hoping well to give enough in return, knowing too well, two lives to be not enough to give what I have taken.
Rick Gilbertson
Depth comes from thinking about what is important, not, "how will I fix my hair today", or, "where will I apply for a job today."
If you're thinking about, "what do I want to do with my life", or, "what is life about". that requires you to think deep thoughts.
Believe it or not, but when I was your age, I couldn't write a poem to save my life, (some would say I still can't), it wasn't until I set my spirit free and my wife had much to do with that. Poems are but a single thought brought into clarity.
What you write is not important, just write, if it has meaning to you, it will have meaning for others.
Read stories that have depth, try "The Vegetable Stand" by Rick Gilbertson. Go to Iuinverse, you can read a bit of it there. If you want to think deep, you need to find things that help you get there. Stop listening to music so much, it has a tendency to make you stupid.
Fly free good spirit, prioritize your life and what is important, there is your first category for deep thought.
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Lately, I've been feeling disconnected from everything and everyone. Like from my friends, family, church, school, and even God. I don't understand what's going on but I just don't feel close to anything anymore.
I've had a rough year full of fights with friends, nonstop arguments with my parents, and just overwhelming stress. Now, I don't feel anything. I just feel numb and disconnected.
When I look around at my classmates and even my extended family, it makes me feel so lonely. They all seem so close with each other and they always have each others' backs. And I don't have that. I'm not part of their friendship or closeness.
My family (intermediate that is) moved around a lot because my dad was in the military. He just recently retired. So, the earlier parts of my childhood, I didn't get the chance to feel close to my extended family because I always lived on the other side of the country from them. But now, I just feel so jealous and left out at family reunions, which is just really really sad.
Same thing goes sorta for my friends. When I first moved here, there was a brief period where I felt close to my friends. But then, all that changed during these random fights we've had this year. Now, I'm totally lost and feel so alone.
And in my church, I used to be the one everybody knew of because of my music. I'd always get asked to perform during the services, but now I don't. I've been replaced and I don't understand =[
I just want to feel close again. I want to feel needed and just...connected again. But I feel as if that's not even possible anymore. Like it's too late or something. (link)
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"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."
You know, I have never been a real big Beatles fan, but they had their moments of wisdom. You really don't think he really meant that Mary really came to him do you? Do you think that maybe he was speaking metaphorically? I do, I think he was trying to say that sometimes when we are down, really down, it is there that we find our biggest most profound truths and I would ask you if that is what you seek?
Loneliness, doubt, fear, alienation are they cries for help? Or is it our innate need to look inwards and contemplate our own self worth. When others no longer help us, we retreat within ourselves looking for answers from our spirit, when we don't know that, that is what we are doing, it scares us and those around us. Don't be afraid to find yourself and your spirit, you will return a better person for it.
I envy you your journey, be well.
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When I start to like a guy, I fall really fast and becoming to obsessive in my own mind. I constantly think about whoever it is at the time and I'll start to want to talk to him 24/7. Of course then I get bored quickly and move on to being obsessed with another guy.
How do I stop this annoying cycle so I can just be more chill with guys? (link)
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I'm going to regret this I just know it, but who cares about ratings? Stop dating, you are mentally not ready to date. Nothing personal. Obsess over guys you can't have, you know, famous guys, get it out of your system.
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I am dealing with a huge weigh on my shoulders. Last year I went through the hardest time of my life. I had been with my ex-boyfriend on and off for almost a year and a half. He moved away for school but we hook up when he would come home. I ended up pregnant and he made me feel like there was no way to keep the baby. I was in a horrible state with my hormones running wild and all the added stress of school. I was 2 months away from receiving degree. But I knew it was going against everything I believe in.
I feel totally depressed. Its been a year and I still have the pregnancy weight, I feel totally guilty for what I did. It kills me inside to think about what I did. I have no one to talk to because its such a sensitive issue. My friends haven't been through this and I dont want to dwell my issues on them. I lost all my confidence i feel fat and ugly because of what I did. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel totally alone :*( (link)
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You can tell me I have no right in this subject at all, as most abortionists will. I am a man and I have no say when it comes to a womans body, but these proponents who care so much about your body, care nothing about your mind. I sit here and weep for you; not for your unborn child. You will spend the rest of your life in tears as this anniversary roles around every year, beating yourself up for a decision made in haste and angst. It was selfish and unthinking in your mind and no matter what I say, you will always think that way. The one thing you forget is that which is unseen, your god. Do you think an omnipotent, (one who knows all), did not know that you would abort this baby? Do you think there was actually a spirit with in this baby that he knew you would abort? If you do, you sell your god short. Please take my tears and the lessons you must take, cry for the living and forgive yourself.
Be well, I hold you in my thoughts
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yea.
so ive had this health teacher and i thought he was the coolest person ever. and then he said today:
"...males are only on earth to reproduce.."
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this statement. it...it makes me want to kill myself. im a 15 year old boy and i thought about that sentence DEEPLY for a LONG TIME, and i think i should kill myself. my life is a lie. they say eat healthy and stay in shape yet everyone dies anyway, and thanks to that statement i rly am questioning whehter or not i should go on in life.
idk. any statements? (link)
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Everything aside, shame on you for believing this man and holding him in such high esteem that he effects you like this. Life is so much more then reproducing, does not your experience with your parents tell you this. I gave up my life for my kids, as any father should. My wants and needs became last behind my children and my wife, this is just reproduction? Man, if I could be like the eagle who kicks their children out of the nest inside of a year and fights to the death if needed if they come to close to my nest, well, just dreaming. The most important thing you will ever do in your life will be to become a father and try against all odds to raise your children to become good strong adults and when you fail, you will have the pleasure of watching them try to raise their child and fail too, but in the end, someone will get it right.
Be well and take care to whom you place on a pedestal,
P.S. Does this mean that those who don't have kids failed to serve their purpose? Your purpose is not to breed, but to serve. Arilius Mar once said, "I did not set out to be a great leader, only to serve."
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