about

Hi everyone! My pen name is Hannah and I am a 17-year-old girl. I like languages, friends, cats, and many other things. I really love giving advice, and I am studying psychology now. My favorite questions have to do with mental health. As I said above, I am taking psychology classes now, but I also do a lot of outside research, so chances are that if you say something to me about a disorder or anything like that, I will know what you are talking about. Although I am not a licensed psychologist, I hope to someday be one and I would love to get some practice here.

Also, if you ever have a problem and you like my advice and would like to talk with me, I have many messenger services so I would be more than happy to set up a time to talk with you about whatever you need.

I hope to here from you soon!

advice

For the past year, I have been having really bad mood swings. I am a girl, but I don't think that they have anything to do with my mentrual cycle. Once or twice a month, for between 3 and 7 days, I feel horrible. I feel guilty about nothing, really sad, hopeless, helpless, and like it won't go away. I just generally hate myself. Sometimes I feel like cutting. A few times I have thought of death. One time, I thought of death and then three days later I was absolutely back to normal. I have a mood chart now to track my emotions, so I am hoping this will help. I have been on other sites, and they said that I am probably bipolar, but I don't agree. Bipolar involves manic states, and I don't have that. When I don't feel really bad, I just feel normal. I don't feel over-the-top happiness. I know that most of you aren't professionals and that you can't technically diagnose me with anything, but if you could give me your opinion that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hey love, it's 31-year-old you.

I've been thinking of you a lot lately. I am living your dream of being a therapist for teens, and lately some of my sessions have been triggering some emotions about high school experiences, and the helplessness and anger that you feel.

I want to tell you that you are right; so many of the adults in your world truly don't have a clue -- you don't just think that because you are a "dumb teenager." You don't have all the answers but you have more than people give you credit for, and I agree with you more than you might have thought I would.

I know things are so confusing now, and it's hard to know where your feelings are coming from and what you are reacting to. You will figure it out. In the meantime, it's okay to just do what you can to get through high school. As I tell my clients, the "rules" change when you graduate. The things that teachers and others pick on you for now, the things you've learned to hate about yourself, are the things people bring up the most to me now as something they really value about me. You're going to be okay, and you don't have to change a thing.

Don't feel pressured to fit into high school; it is truly overrated. When you're older and get to work with teens, you'll see that every single one you meet who struggles to find friends is someone that you would love to sit with at lunch. There is nothing wrong with you for struggling with this. Things in high school are so strange and sometimes it feels like there's no reason for things at all. But it's okay; remember you're going to graduate and high school will just be a four-year-long bad memory.

I know that you won't believe me. You're going to think that you're unlikable, that everyone else knows something you don't, and there's something wrong with the way you are. It's okay. This is all your life has shown you so far, so why would you think it could be any different? But please try to hold on to the possibility that you can be valued, have fun, and not feel so out-of-place. You just need to find your people. And you will.

So keep studying, try not to harm your body too much, and be okay with the level of friendships that you have even though they're not what you want for yourself. This isn't forever.

And by the way, I know you are worried that I would be mad at you for not going to prom, and I want you to know that I totally get it and I'm not mad in the least. I'm actually really glad that you did what you wanted to do, rather than what you feel like you should do. I know prom isn't something that you would have been able to enjoy; you feel forced to do so many things -- don't make yourself do any more. I totally hear you and support you. Again, high school is over-rated. I know you are doing your best. It would be nice to look back on positive memories, but the lack of them is not your fault. Looking back, I don't think there's anything I would really do differently. Some things can't be solved and it's not your fault.

And you are exactly who you need to be. Don't believe anyone who says otherwise.

Sending lots of love through time and space.

xoxo,
31-year-old you

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I am a 17 year old girl who is questioning my past. I have heard about people who were abused and forget the entire thing, and was wondering if this was a possibility for me. I am extremely afraid of sex and have anxiety about men. I hate hearing footsteps behind me because it scares me. I am also afraid at night that there is someone in my room. I sometimes have dreams about groups of men chasing me. I used to self-mutilate a few years ago and I also had an eating disorder.

I am asking this question because I heard that these are things that abused people do, and because people in my support group for eating disorders have asked if I was abused after I talked about some things. Is there any way to find out, or any other clues I can look for? Thanks =]

Hi 17-year-old me, this is 28-year-old me.

I so wish that I could really travel back in time and sit with you, speak to you, and hug you. But this is the best I can do.

You are so young, and have gone through so much. Unfortunately, I have to tell you that your struggles with cutting and eating disorders are far from over. In fact, over the next couple of years they are going to get worse. But you also are going to have a great therapist and be at the college that you want to go to (and yes, you will have friends there).

You've had a sense for a long time that you were sexually abused, and not just because of the cutting, anxiety, etc.

It's so amazing how you can know about your sexual abuse experiences while also really not knowing about them. You're too young and in too much of a vulnerable position to deal with the memories now, but in a few years they will start coming back, and it will simultaneously be the worst and best (?) experiences of your life. The memories and flashbacks are so painful, but finding out the truth about yourself and even confronting others about it is so healing, even if those people react badly. But you'll finally know, and those things will finally be over, even if you don't get all of the closure you wanted, or all of the memories back.

I wish that I could really be there with you and for you, and help to guide you through the next few years. They are going to be so difficult. But you also will really enjoy college and meet a few amazing people that I am still friends with today.

I also wanted you to know that despite all of your anxiety and other difficulties, you will reach your dream of being a therapist, and that you will really enjoy working with teens. The experiences you are having now are so challenging but will help you so much as you work with these people who in your world are just in preschool right now.

Keep going; don't give up. Trust people that are trustworthy and never forget where you came from. Always remember what you are learning about people and emotions. They are things you need to learn and they'll help you everyday in your future profession.

Sending you so much love through time and space,

Love,
28-year-old me

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how does one get diagnosed/evaluated for things like maybe dysthymia? what steps do i take? i don't know anything. thanks in advance.

You would have to see a psychologist. But first you should see a physician to rule out any physical causes for your symptoms. Then when you go to the psychologist you might fill out a questionnaire or answer some questions orally, basically telling the therapist why you are there. Then eventually after the therapist understands your situation, she would come up with a diagnosis and be able to help you.

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I was having a really hard time two months ago and my mom took me to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with a mood disorder NOS (not otherwise specified). My mom took me to have some blood drawn to check if maybe the way I was feeling was because my hormones were out of balance. We got the results back and the doctor said it was all entirely hormonal (mainly thyroid). So I really don't want what the psychiatrist wrote down on my report or record or whatever it's called to stay there for the rest of my life. Should I call him and tell him what was really wrong so I can get that off my record or will it just go away if I stop seeing him? Will anyone else ever be able to see what he wrote down(like whenever I go to apply for a job or something)?

I am not an expert, but I really think that those things are confidential. I highly doubt that when you apply for a job they will see it. The only time that confidentiality is not honored is if you are a threat to yourself or others. For safety reasons, they would tell parents, authorities, etc. depending on the situation. But for this, no, people probably wouldn't know unless you tell them.

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Does anyone know of any place where you can see a therapist/psyciatrist (sorry if that's not the correct spelling) in the Annapolis, Maryland area without your parents knowing ? My parents are completely against that stuff and I really need someone to talk to because my friends and parents aren't helping much, so that's why I ask. Any help would be appreciated ! Thank you !

Depending on your school, it is possible to see the school psychologist without your parents knowing. They have the same degree as any other psychiatrists and therapists, and chances are, you wouldn't have to pay.

There is also something called "internet therapy" in which you can talk online to a therapist (again, with the same degree as another therapist). It costs money, but depending on your financial situation it is possible for your parents not to have to know. Here is a website for you to take a look at:

http://www.metanoia.org/imhs/

Also keep in mind that if you are in danger of hurting yourself or others, it is necessary for your parents to know, no matter who you choose to talk to. Therapy sessions are confidential except in the cases of possible harm.

I have done extensive research in psychology and know about a lot of things. If you ever have any specific questions, feel free to drop a message in my inbox.

Good luck!

Hannah

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I really want help for my cutting but i dont know how to get help. besides my friends should i tell someone? i CANT let my parents know and most people would go and tell my parents. and without my parents knowing i cant join a support group or see a counselor. what should i do!?!?!?! Thank you SO much!!!!!

Haley :]

Hi Haley!

I would only tell people that you trust. I understand why you don't want to tell your parents, and if you are able to get over it without them knowing, then there isn't a reason to tell them now unless you want to. But you be the judge about that.

Do you have a school psychologist? I don't know if they would tell... I know that they are obligated to tell if someone's life is in danger, but you check out what your school says about that.

There are many support websites for cutting in which you can contact other people who self-injure. Here are a few that might help you:

dailystrength.org (Did you check this out? It has message boards, private messages, online journals, hugs from other members, and other features. Cutting is one of the groups.)

http://www.golivewire.com/forums/groups.cgi?action=group&id=415 (more message boards)

http://gabrielle.self-injury.net/
(mostly message boards)

http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html
(information and help)

http://christianforums.com/f478
(Christian forums for self-injury)

Those are the best websites I found. If you can't tell you parents, it is really hard to do anything in "real life" so online is the next best thing.

If you are interested, here is a good video from Youtube about self-injury:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KV_ulfRTOs

-Hannah =]

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What are some ways you can relax yourself from being too stressed out?

I like to listen to nature CDs. They are really relaxing, and you can listen to them before you go to bed to help you fall asleep, or you can listen to them anytime for relaxation.

You can also try this exercise. Lay down flat on your back. Tighten your face muscles and then relax them. Go until you have don't this to every muscle in your body. Repeat this two or three times. If you do this whole exercise at least 3 times a week, it will help you be less stressed.

Good luck! :)

Hannah

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Recently ive been thinking alot about death, and its nearly at a point where its uncontrollable.
i dont know why but im really afraid of whats going to happen in the afterlife, if there is one. ive made alot of mistakes in my life before, and i keep on thinking that will affect what will happen.
at night i often think about it and start crying.
i used to want to die because of personal issues, but now i want to keep on living forever.
someone please help me :( i feel really paranoid!!

I have had similar thoughts before, so maybe I can help you.

When I had this problem, I wasn't sure if there was an afterlife either, or if there was, what I believed about it. So I learned that the best way to go is to live life as if there is one, and just follow what you believe. This will make you feel safer. Just try to be a good person, but remember that everyone makes mistakes. So allow yourself to be forgiven.

I think that everyone has these thoughts at some part during thier lives, so don't worry that you are abnormal. Just try not to let it control your life. Concentrate on making your life something worth living. Do kind things for others, be courageous, be happy. That way, you will feel better about this issue because you will be living a fulfilled life.

Here is some more information that might help you. Remember that you aren't alone, everyone feels this way from time to time.

http://dealingwithfear.org/fear-of-death.htm

http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/fear-of-death.asp

http://www.stephen-knapp.com/dispelling_the_fear_of_death.htm

Feel better soon, and don't hesitate to write back if you need anymore help. :)

Best wishes,
Hannah

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hello. I know that how i see myself and think of myself is never great. I want to feel better about myself, because i feel like whatever i have on the inside isnt ever good enough. Why do i think like this?? How can i feel more confidant about who i am? Or feel better about myself? You get what i mean right? i think i have low self esteem or low confidence.. and i dont want to look in the mirror anymore and feel this anymore. I want to be a better person. i know that im not ugly, i know that im a pretty girl.. but its whos underneath thats all broken i think and just lost.

Hi,

Everyone has times when they don't feel good about themselves. It happens to everyone, you just need to know how to make yourself feel better.

You said that you don't like looking in the mirror because it makes you feel worse. Stop looking in the mirror, or at least don't look at it for a long time. Don't give yourself a reason to make yourself feel worse.

Something that works for me is doing things that are hard for me. For example, I am really shy, so I try to talk to people or participate in class more. This helps me to feel better. Also, doing random acts of kindness also helps. One of the things I did was taping $1.00 to a soda machine with a note to take it and a smile card. (Smile cards are cards that you use when you do an act of kindness and you want the person who receives it to pass on the kindness.) You can get your own smile cards here:

http://www.helpothers.org/cards.php

The following site is like the smile card website, only it has cards to honor a loved one who passed away. You do random acts of kindness in their honor.

http://dying.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=dying&cdn=health&tm=3&f=10&su=p247.3.140.ip_p726.2.152.ip_p284.8.150.ip_&tt=6&bt=1&bts=1&zu=http%3A//www.missfoundation.org/kindness/index.html

Here is some more information that might help you be more confident:

http://ezinearticles.com/?Become-More-Self-Confident&id=10267

http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-More-Confident-Teen

http://www.more-selfesteem.com/

I hope this helps you, and if you have anymore questions don't hesitate to ask!

-Hannah

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I have this like obsessive thing about someone like jumping our fence and like knocking on the back door. It freaks the hell out of me, and I turn on the alarm for the house. I babysit at night for my little brother, and my dad doesn't like to have lots of lights on, so I have our two lamps on, and the dining room light dimmed. I don't know why I get so freaked out, maybe it's the whole Kelsey Smith thing, even though that happened awhile ago, and it was at Target. I remember watching the news the same day that the whole Kelsey Smith thing started, and they also said that there had been some break ins about 30 minutes away from the area that I live in.. why am I so freaked out? I go to the kitchen to make my brother's milk, and I have like this feeling that there's like someone on the deck, watching me. I know that might sound weird to you, but I don't know why I'm acting like this.. I guess it all started when my brother grew up (He's like 19 months old) and my mom wanted me to watch him from 4-10 (my dad and my mom work nights).

We have a small rectangular window above the kitchen sink, so when I'm doing the dishes, I do this thing where I glance up and look out the window, and think that someone's there..

What's going on with me?

It's definitely understandable to be afraid to stay home alone or babysit at night when there were break-ins near your area. So don't worry that there is something wrong with you, it's a normal reaction.

It helps to turn all the lights on so that you can see everything and won't be scared by shadows. I know how real the feeling of being watched can be, so close the blinds or curtains on the windows so no one can see in. If you don't have curtains or blinds over the windows in your kitchen, put posterboard over it when your parents aren't home. It will make you feel safer to know that no one can see in.

Remember that the chances of having a break-in happen at your house is very low, so try to relax.

Write anytime if you have anymore questions. :)

Best wishes,
Hannah

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I shake a lot when I get nervous or when I'm arrguing with someone. Do you think there's something wrong? Also, there is a past of anxiety in my family, is that what it could be? It happens almost each and every time I argue or get really upset and it doesn't go away until everything is resolved. Thanks in advance.

Shaking when you are nervous is a normal reaction to anxiety. The main concern is the actual nervousness. How often you are nervous, how intense it is, and how much it affects your daily life are factors that psychologists use to determine if you have an anxiety disorder. Since you say that anxiety disorders run in your family, it is possible.

How often do you get nervous? Do you often have excessive worry about many different things that may not be related to each other? Has this been happening for 6 months or more? If so, you could have Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is a fairly common disorder that usually surfaces during adolescence. You can go here for more information on this:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx24.htm

Do you get nervous a lot in social situations? Do you find it hard to talk to others, make friends, or more severely, leave the house? If so, you could have Social Anxiety Disoder, aka Social Phobia. Social Phobia is the extreme fear of being scrutinized by others. People with this disorder will try to avoid social situations, or endure them with symptoms such as rapid heartbeat, shaking, and sweating. For more information on Social Phobia, go here:

http://www.socialphobia.org/whatis.html

Another possible disorder is a panic disorder. This is when you have panic attacks, often for no reason at all. Some people even have them while they are asleep! Panic attacks can include thoughts that you are having a heart attack, are about to die, or going crazy. It also can include rapid heart beat, shaking, sweating, and dread. People who have panic attacks try to avoid the things that trigger them. To be diagnosed with a panic disorder, you must have had at least 4 panic attacks and fear having more. For more information, go to:

http://psychcentral.com/disorders/sx28.htm

You can also go to the following websites for information on anxiety disorders in general and to find information on some anxiety disorders that I didn't mention:

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/ken98-0045/default.asp

http://www.apa.org/topics/topicanxiety.html

I hope this information helped you! Write anytime. :)

-Hannah

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Is anyone here treated for social anxiety disorder? What medication are you on? How does it work for you? And how old are you?

I hope you don't mind that I'm answering your question. I have not been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, but I am studying and am very interested in psychology, so I know some things.

I know you are just asking about medication, but I will talk a little about all of the treatments available.

The first treatment is breaking challenges into smaller pieces until you can manage the hardest part. This is very effective in social anxiety disorder. If you go to therapy for this problem, this will probably be an important part.

Another one of the treatments is cognitive behavior therapy. This is talking about and changing the way you look at yourself, the world, and how what you do affects your thoughts and feelings. This is expecially helpful in people with social anxiety disorders, other anxiety disorders, depression, bulimia, and other disorders. It is most often used with medication.

The most common types of medication used for social anxiety disorder are called SSRI's. They are a class of anti-depressants. You may know some of the names: Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil, just to name a few. Most people are very responsive to these drugs, especially when they are combined with cognitive behavior therapy.

Some side effects of anti-depressants/SSRI's in general are dry mouth, urinary retention, abdominal pain, nausea, and headaches. It has also been linked to suicide in children and teens.

I know I wasn't the type of person you were looking for, but I hope that this information helped you anyway. :)

Hannah

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okay, well i get like wicked mad over everything all the time. like if i drop something, i'll get wicked pissed and like flip out and start throwing stuff. and i'll get like wicked mad at something and then feel like crying. and then start laughing at nothing. ive noticed this a few times. is this different?

Thank you so much for writing. You seem like you are very in-touch with how you feel. That is a great quality to have. You should be proud of yourself for that, as many people struggle with this.

To answer your question, I think that it is normal. Chances are, you don't have any kind of mental disorder. I think that there is a deeper issue going on that make you upset over little things. Are you having any kind of family, friend, or other relationship problems? Are you struggling in school? Anything like this could make you feel this way.

Good luck with everything, and if you need anything else, feel free to write back. :)

Best wishes,
Hannah

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