I have a B.A. in Psychology, an Associate's in Private Investigation/Security and currently am studying dream interpretation through the International Association of the Study of Dreams. I have been happily married for 13 years and have 3 boys. For as long as I can remember I am the person that everyone goes to for advice, whether it be friends, family or co-workers. Let me help you with your life choices and problems!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: stay at home mom
Age: 39
Member Since: October 22, 2015
Answers: 17
Last Update: December 9, 2015
Visitors: 2967
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I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
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I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Love is hard and complicated and doesn't always go the way we think it should.
What pops into my head when I read this is that you were not sure about this guy and you acted on that feeling. Sometimes when it comes to love our head tries to tell us all the logical reasons why we should be with someone but our heart knows that its not what we want. You sabotaged this relationship for yourself on purpose. Your feeling was to get your life together first (which is very mature)and to not be in a serious relationship. When you talked things over with another guy and felt like you cheated, that was your true self sabotaging the relationship. If this guy had been your soul mate your head and your heart would have been perfectly aligned. You would of had no doubts in the first place. You need to go with your first instinct to take care of yourself first. There was a reason you felt that way. Your intuition was telling you that this guy was not for you. Do not doubt what you feel.
And now that this guy is not interested any more tells me that he may not have been as into you as he thought. He would not of let some guy friend of yours get in the way. Forgive yourself because you did what was right for you whether you know it or not. Focus on your future and figure out who you are and what you want before getting into a serious relationship. When we find happiness within ourselves first everything else falls into place. Good luck and god bless!
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Me and my ex broke up twice and then last year april we started speaking again almost everyday and hanging out once or twice on a monthly basis and yes we do have sex but recently he just stopped speaking to me and i dont know why,sometimes he would just text me randomly asking how iv been and if im alive eventhou i text hm so much he would rhow up unexpectedly...but this past week ive been texting him alost everyday but he just dont want to reply back to me i even phoned hm but he didnt answer..a few weeks ago when i saw him he told me he likes being around me he just dnt like how clingy iv gotten cause his not keen on clingy...He ignores me like i dont exist anymore and i dont know what i did wrong and i dont know what to do..any advice? iv decided to stay away from him and make myself vanish from him like he never knew me..I dont mean to seem clingy and i dont mean to bombard him with all those texts everyday,i just want to speak to him...do u think his silence and ignoring me is his way of saying leave hm alone and move on,im done and bored of you cause you are clingy..do you think he will show up again and speak to me again wheneva..today i msgd him saying im sorry for always texting hm so much i dnt mean to im just ona other trip and i feel really bad and stuff and i hope hes not mad or anythng..i thought he wouldv replied but he just read it so now i havent heard from him for a week now..isit my fault that he dnt wana speak to me anymore cause i seem clingy lately and iv pushed hm away cause its a turn off...im just worried cause this is the longest he hapnt spoken to me and i dnt knw why im being so ignored..i dont knw what to do anymore,.if i distant myslf and stop texting him do u think he wil show may..im so confused (link)
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He is basically using you for sex. He disappears during times he has found someone else. When that person doesn't work out? He goes looking for you again. Women become clingy when we know a guy is not with us and we are trying to hold onto something that is not working. I would stop giving this guy the time of day. You don't need him and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Fill your time with friends, hobbies, and moving forward in your career. The right guy will come along when you are happy and busy.
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Hi, is he looking for my reaction to his behaviour or what, i do know for sure that he likes me and we flirt well more like teasing but he can be quite mean to me. we're friends. my question is when a guy says, 'she likes me' could that mean other way around just to see my reaction saying if i like him?
Guys view, please (link)
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I agree with Dragonfly. Friends are not mean to friends. And the old saying, "If he's mean to you, he likes you" does not fly with me. If he does like you, it doesn't matter. He probably wont get that much nicer to you or may treat you well for a while and then show his true self. Run far, far away. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect from a man.
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Okay well I guess my topic is self explanatory. I am confused on my sexuality. I am a 19 year old girl and it seems like everyone around me knows their sexuality. It frustrates me that I still haven't figured it out yet. I have liked boys my whole life or at least I thought so until I met this girl who I completely fell for when I was 17. The feelings were more intense for this girl. Nothing I had ever felt for a boy before. Now I am currently in deep like with this other girl. It seems like my feelings for girls seem to intensify and as far as boys it's more of a "oh he's kinda cute" type of deal. I was wondering if you can give me advice on how I can find out who I am? I'm just so confused and I wish I knew so I could try the dating life, but I want to figure myself out first before I do so. Any suggestions? Thanks (link)
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You are at an age that sexual exploration is normal and common. It seems like you are enjoying being with a woman right now and that is fine. Go with what makes you feel good and free. Have fun and not worry about answering any questions at this moment. You will figure it out.
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22/f, 28/m
I'm upset. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and it has always bothered me about the amount that he has traveled. We do have communication and trust issues that we're trying to rebuild (due to his past mistakes), and we're going to our first couples therapy on Wednesday. However, I'm debating on whether or not to go at this point.
My boyfriend travels at least once a month. It's for both business and for travel for his fraternity (not college fraternity). Recently, I told my boyfriend that I felt that he travels too much. When he's back, he works during the day, comes back home, uses the restroom for 20-30 minutes, comes to bed and wants alone time for awhile, leaving me only 20 minutes of his undivided attention with him.
He told me today that he won't be here on Valentine's Day. He told me that it's because his fraternity brother is being ordained as a minister on Valentine's Day. I wanted to be okay with it, but I'm really not. He told me that Valentine's Day is a joke to most people in America and that everyday can be Valentine's Day to us. Which doesn't make any sense if I feel that he's absent or not here... But saying, "I love you" everyday should make it seem like it's Valentine's Day. I told him that sometimes it's not enough due to his daily schedule and he tells me, "it should be enough." Whenever I bring up this situation, he says, "I've been laying here with you for the past hour. It should be enough." Talking about something that bothers me, is undivided attention, but it's not any way for us to connect or bond. Then he would say, "You should focus and appreciate about what you have and not focus on what you don't have."
I don't want to sound needy, but 20 minutes of undivided attention per day is not enough. It seems like he spends most of his time on Facebook than he does with me, and according to him Facebook is "down time" for him.
Talking about it doesn't seem to help because I can see from his point of view, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's not enough time for me to feel emotionally secure in the relationship. He only has time to talk about this at night, and it's a long discussion, so he gets tired, tells me he's tired, and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up acting as if the conversation never happened.
I keep trying to have this conversation but neither of us are getting what we want. Me talking about it, frustrates him and makes him unhappy. Me not talking about it, makes me unhappy.
In the case of one, the freedom to travel and have their own schedule, in the case of the other, participating in their definition of a true relationship, with attention to time spent together, trust, and transparency. What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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I'm sorry you are unhappy in your relationship. If you have only been dating a year and need couples therapy, then that's big red flag that this relationship probably has little longevity. Only people who have been together many years and have been through many things should need to go to therapy. Every couple that I know who went to therapy before marriage ended up getting divorced within 5 years. A therapist once told me that you don't really know someone until you've been with them 3 years. The first year is the honeymoon stage and everyone is on their best behavior. The second year, everyone slowly starts to show more and more of their true selves. And the third year is the test of whether the two people can still get along while both being who they truly are. From what you are describing about your boyfriend, he is starting to show his true colors. You have communicated your concerns with him, but he does not seem to care about your needs. He sounds self-absorbed and selfish. I think it is time that you moved on and find a guy that makes more time for you and maybe does not travel as much. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled with a guy who shows that he cares about you. And believe me, they are out there. Good luck!!!!
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