about

Hello,
I am Aria. I created a network for young ladies to have a place to chat about situations. Life situations. I remember growing up, there were things I needed to talk about but couldn't. Sometimes even my friends were judgmental and just didn't understand. So I wanted to create a place for young girls to talk openly and feel comfortable doing so.

Currently I am studying to be a counselor. My goal is to have an independent practice where I can counsel adolescent and teen girls. I am also mentoring teen moms. Being a teen mom myself, I wanted to give back to the community. I wanted to show teen mothers that life doesn't stop just because you have a child.

I have work successfully as a computer programmer for the past 12 years. I hold a Bachelors of Administration in Management Information Systems. I am working towards my Masters of Science in Social Work. I am a single mother of two boys, one biological and one adopted.

I hope my advice will be a beneficial to young women everywhere.

advice

Hi guys.

I have a real problem :-/ There is a guy that I really like, his name is Steve. For like 3 months now we have been close, & he has said he really likes me on many occasions. We have never committed to anything like "being boyfriend and girlfriend" but basically we wouldn't date anyone else. At first we were just getting to know eachother as we had just met, but recently we have become close. Things have been bad with us lately. Firstly another guy(Nick) asked me out right infront of him, and despite me saying no to the guy, Steve was still annoyed. His friends say he has trust issues and has been hurt in the past etc so I can understand. Me and Nick are just friends and it will always be this way (as I have explained to Steve). One night me and Nick were hanging out with some of my friends and some of his, and Steve saw us and went mad at me. He said he didn't want to speak to me again and I should just date Nick. I tried explaining but he wouldn't listen.

A week later, Steve emailed me and said he was really sorry that he dealt with it that way. But when I saw Steve again he said "I don't want a relationship - with anyone. I'm not ready and I need to clear my mind" Although I really like him, I accepted how he felt and just left him alone. But now Steve is is saying "I really liked you, I wanted to be with you, but I know you like Nick and not me. I don't want to speak to you" etc etc. What the hell is with this guy?!?? I told him I don't like Nick in that way but he just isn't listening! I'm happy to move on from Steve, but only if he doesn't want me. He always seems to change his mind! :-/

I don't think Steve's sending mixed singals. He saw the guy Nick ask you out. You may have been laughing or smiling and that caused him to think there was more even though you said no.

Then he sees you out with him even though you there were other friends there, you were still in the company of the guy who asked you out. So if he has trust issues, yeah he jumped to conclusions.

Steve did apologize for his behavior. When a man says he doesn't want a relationship, he's usually telling the truth. And he's using past tense, I liked you. I wanted to be with you. He basically saying he doesn't anymore. In his mind you like Nick and not him.

Maybe you can have a much needed conversation in the future and see where things can go. But for now, just give Steve a little space.

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I've been single for 2 years now, and my confidence is going down because of it. I've finally found a great guy, and I'm really starting to like him. We hang out in a group of 4 of us (2 guys, 2 girls). We spend a lot of time together, and we're all getting to be very, very close. I'm not sure how to get him to realize I like him as more than a friend. I know he likes the girl to initiate things, but I don't want to say anything, him say no, then ruin our friendship. How should I go about things?
17yrs old, female.

First you want to be sure that you really want to be more than friends. If you like the friendship, try to remain friends because as you said tell him could ruin your friends.

But if you want to test the waters and see if he'll respond with out him knowing your serious, say something jokingly. Say something like "We always hang out with our friends, you must be afraid to get me alone. And laugh it off. If he responds positively, you says something you like then go for it. If he responds negatively then you can always say you were joking.

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15/f
bob=15

so theres this guy lets call him bob well i met bob at this place and he gave me his number. i was head over heels for him but then we stopped talking and then started talking on and off. it took me forever to get over him even though we never went out. i've known hom for nine months now. well one night he texted me a fwd (which he NEVER does) one of those forwards call bang me or pass.
and this is how the conversation went:
(the bang me or pass fwd)
me: wow really?
him: cha!
me: i'm not gonna answer that
him: why not
me: ha i dont know.
him: pleasee
(he begged for me to answer that for like 20 minutes)
he then tells me how he likes my friend
(and she has a boyfriend)
it was weird because the next day me and her were hanging out and he invited us to his pool but we couldnt so she invited him to her pool but he couldn't
(thank god because i would have fainted)
(then i finally worked up the nerve to do this)
(which i have NEVER done before)
me: i used to like you.
him: ok i knew that
me: HOW
him: i'm physic
me: ha ya okay
him: no i'm serious think of something and i'll tell you
him: your thinking im not gonna be able to guess what your thinking
me: no i was actually thinking of football
him: ya right
me: i'm serious! but really how did u know
him: idk some how i figure stuff out, i knew for a long time, its not that hard.
me: oh...
him: ya and i think you liked me right when you saw me for the first time
(woah baby was he right)
(smart boyyy:)
me: well your right. but do you still think i like you?
him: yes.
me: well do you think i should still like you
(or something like that)
him: its your choice
me: but i want your opinion
him: my opinion is that you should follow your instinks and/or heart
(AWWW ISN'T THAT SWEET?!)
(and then it was late so we said goodnight)

SOOOOO WHAT DO YOU THINK?!?!?!
I REALLY DONT KNOW IF I SHOULD LIKE HIM AGAIN
I MEAN I KINDA DO BUT IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO GET OVER HIM AND I DONT WANNA DO THAT AGAIN.
SOO WHAT SHOULD I DO?!
I WANT HIM TO LIKE ME INSTEAD OF MY FRIEND!!
UGH, HELP?

It's a little unclear to me. I wouldn't say that he likes you. He may just want to keep you around until he finds someone else. Men are really big about keep girls around just to fill their down time. I would let him initiate contact and the relationship. That way you'll know for sure that he likes you.

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I really don't have much of a question. Thank you for your insight. I agree with you. I have not wanted to accept the truth. Even as friends with him I want to feel more important and what I really feel is like I am the lowest totem on his pole. We have different ideas on friendships unfortunately. I know he cares in his strange way. He is very good at keeping me around by just a little bit of nothing. I think sometimes that if we hadn't gotten physical that perhaps we could have formed more of the friendship that i want with him but maybe not. I can't change it and if I step back and get a good perspective I might see it all for what it is/was. I have learned a lot from knowing him. I won't go thru it again with anyone. It has been confusing and overwhelming since day 2 and I want to be done with it. At my age and with 2 children I don't want a bunch of male "friends" I want good and solid friendships with men and women that I know that I can rely on. Ultimately I would like just 1 close male friend and from that point we can build mutual friends 2gether. I don't need a bunch of random males coming around to confuse my boys. They have not seen their father in 2.5 years. In your opinion, do you think it is best to just not speak to my 'friend' anymore or to tell him I am done? He tends to stop by without telling me first...which i like....but it just fools me over and over. Maybe if he does stop by I can ask him not to?? I believe what I had with him is infatuation and it hit me hard.

Yes, I do think it's best not to speak to your friend anymore. Actually he's not your friend. Friends are there to comfort and help and quide. Friends should be out for you good.

And if he stops by with out telling you, don't answer the door. Don't answer his calls either, he'll get the message.

And yes, I think if you hadn't gotten physical with him, you probably wouldn't be in the situation. I now it's old school, but if a man won't wait for you then he's not out for your good. After a man says I do and you've married, then you can make beautiful love with someone who loves you mutally. God made it that way for a reason, because of these situations. So make a man wait. And yes 10 times out of 10 they won't stay around if you won't sleep with them, but that's not a bad thing when it comes to your respect, dignity, integrity and especially your children. You want a good male example for you children. You don't want someone who's not going to respect you in front of your kids.

I truly understand, I'm 37 never been married, and I have 2 boys. I would rather be by myself than to have the wrong example for my kids. I have just met a really nice man and I still don't know what will come of it, but he's knows I am not going to sleep with him, and he knows that he won't be around my boys, and that I'll be his friend and if it grows then fine.

You have to stay in control of your life.

So make a clean break, you don't have to invite him over to say don't come around anymore, just stop all communication now. Don't give him the chance to sweet talk ya.

Pray and ask God for a male friend. I did, and it has taken a while, but he's here.

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I am a 29 year old single mother of 2 boys and I am sorry if this drags on. I met a man about a year and a half ago. It seemed like I just might have finally met my match. On the 3rd week he said that he was kind of just looking for a girl to mess around with and my heart dropped. I knew then that this was probably not going to turn out how I would like. But I continued on. About 2 months later he backed off and said that he couldn't see me anymore. I said fine. Then he came back around. I have usually been the one to email 1st or call 1st and try to get together...he would usually respond but was rarely available which is why he says that he is single.. because he wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it and he is very loyal to hanging with his pals. There were a couple of times when I would stop contacting him but then he would seek me out and he would start coming over more often for dinner, movies, to stay the night...then after about 3 months of that he just stopped coming over to stay but would stop by to say hi without warning. I have always felt strongly for him, he has a lot of qualities that I would want in a partner of mine. He has always known how I have felt about him and I was never pushy about what I wanted bc I wanted to respect how he felt. I wonder if he backed away so much because he knew how I felt? He has said before that he just can't handle my boys (he is 32 with no kids)That in itself should have made me turn around and not look back but I havn't been able to let it go. A part of me can see us as an old couple sitting on the porch together while eating jello...you know? I have always felt that there would come a time when we would have to part ways so that we can work on our lives individually but neither one of us lets go entirely. I don't understand why we can't just be two single people who want to enjoy eachothers company. If I was completley honest with myself I would pay attention to the fact that he does not seek me out very often, we don't hang out around other friends together, it seems that he "hangs" with me when there is nothing better to do. I have been trying to let go since soon after I met him but I just don't want him completely out of my life...there are so many possibilities with him. He says that he wants to be casual friends but I don't know if I can handle that. What the heck is a casual friend? I want more out of a friendship with him. I don't want to let go of this friendship but does he really even want a friendship? I wonder if he can he be the type of friend that I want? I feel selfish for putting a label on the friendship with him, he is a great guy and its very hard to do this but....would it be best to part ways? Must I let go of the idea of him and his friendship? I really don't want to lose touch with him.

Usually when men say that they just want to mess around, that’s what they want. And if he says he just wants to be a friend, that’s what he wants. Men are different from women. We’ll say that we want to be friends but we still hope that it will grow into more. But men say they want to be friends and that’s usually all they want. Now some friendship can grow into a relationship, but I don’t think this one will.

To me it sounds like he’s using you for the time when he’s in between girls. And yes, men will do that. When he’s not in a relationship, or he doesn’t have another woman to visit, he knows that you like him and he’ll visit you.

Men like to keep women. He doesn’t want to have you, but he wants to keep you around until something better comes along.

He’s told you that he can’t handle your kids. He is telling you the truth. We as women want to hold on to the possibilities. When we just need to take heed and move on.

If you can be his friend, then be his friend, if you can’t then take the necessary steps to move on. But I do believe you need to find someone else to date and I know it’s not easy when you’ve invested so much time and you’ve given him your mind. But you can do it.

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So back in June, i hooked up with this boy my age that i just met that night. He goes to a different school, but we know the same people and had heard of each other before. We were all drinking at this one kid's house, and we were kinda meant to hook up cause everyone else there had someone to hook up with so it just happened. But we talked a lot and hooked up a lot and even a little more, like he gave me a hickey. And i'm PRETTY sure he asked for my number, but I don't completely remember. We were talking about hanging out and stuff, and he acted like he really liked me that night. The only issue is, he never talked to me again. It really hurt me for some reason, because I have this problem that whenever i hook up with someone I become attached to them for a little. But when I tell my friends that I'm upset he never texted me or said anything to me and we never hung out, they just say 'who cares, it's just a random hookup'. Like no one thinks its a big deal to hook up with someone and never talk to them again, but personally I hate that. It's the worst feeling ever. He sseemed like such a nice and mature guy and everyone said he was, but I just don't get what I did wrong. I was thinking into it a lot, and I was thinking maybe I gave him the wrong idea because he was trying to do more with me and i told him I didn't want too and he was like 'sorry, sorry'. and then we just went to sleep. And then i got up to go to the bathroom and instead of laying back down with him i layed on a different couch. And my one friend was saying this might have made him feel like I did'nt like him or something, but really I wasn't even thinking about it like it wasn't a big deal at all. And now to make matters worse, he is back with his ex-girlfriend. They were done for about 2 months before I hooked up with him, and the reason I knew it was okay was that my friend hooked up with him the weekend before me. I feel completely used and I just think that he is one of those boys who just wants to get some whenever he can, considering he hooked up with my friend the weekend before when they were drunk, so now i just feel like shit. And i've decided never to hook up with a random person again unless I know they will talk to me after. And he told his ex-girlfriend that he hooked up with me because she wanted to know everyone he had hooked up with since they broke up. Now i just feel like one of those girls who hook up with people's ex's as a rebound, and i NEVER wanted to be that girl. I"m the type of girl who's all about playing hard to get and not being needy to boys and being independant. I mean i don't really feel that way, but I try my hardest to act that way in front of guys. So something like this has never happened to me and idk what to do. I can't stop thinking about it even though i should of forgotten about him a WHILE ago, because he obviously never thought about me again. the thing that pisses me off SO much is that i'm the type of girl who is not easy at all, and guys know that. I've worked so hard on making that my image and living up too it, because for some reason my worst fear is being 'easy' or a 'slut'. so, i play hard to get , sometimes i even come off as a bitchy to guys, because i am so afraid of being used or getting attached. And i don't get it, it's like this guy for example, his girlfriend is SUCH whore, she is the biggest slut i've ever met literally and i'm NOT just saying that, i mean she probably has diseases. and i am not at ALL, guys know that if they want ANYTHING physically from me they have to actually like me, except this night was an exception.i KNEW it was a bad idea to let my guard down for once. but of course, all i would do is make out with him because i would never do anything more with a random guy..

First of all, you just met him. So to have feelings for him that soon really has to do with you. Maybe you need to explore why you fall for guys so quickly. Has something in your past caused you to need to be with a guy before you actually know him?
You had a great night with him but that doesn’t constitute a relationship. And he may have liked you while he was under the influence of alcohol. Maybe when he sobered up, he didn’t remember or he realized he just wasn’t interested.
You friends are telling you the truth it is just a random hook up. You really don’t know this guy, you just met him.
No, you didn’t do anything wrong. He probably still had feelings for his girlfriend. Guys will use other girls to get over their loss of a girlfriend.
Kissing and touching or whatever you all were doing, and giving him all of your time that night was intimate. He probably did want more from you. And if you’re not going to be on the page, you shouldn’t do those things. But no means no even if you do go that far.
Is he really a nice and mature guy if he hooked up with your friend while he was drunk, and then hooked up with you? He knows the two of you are friend. And why would you hookup with someone who just hooked up with your friend?
You sound like a mature young lady and just feel you’ve experience something that women experience all the time. Take time and explore yourself first. Find out what you really want, and how you want it. Find out why you fall so quickly for guys you just met.

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