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humorist-workshop
Must I let go?
I am a 29 year old single mother of 2 boys and I am sorry if this drags on. I met a man about a year and a half ago. It seemed like I just might have finally met my match. On the 3rd week he said that he was kind of just looking for a girl to mess around with and my heart dropped. I knew then that this was probably not going to turn out how I would like. But I continued on. About 2 months later he backed off and said that he couldn't see me anymore. I said fine. Then he came back around. I have usually been the one to email 1st or call 1st and try to get together...he would usually respond but was rarely available which is why he says that he is single.. because he wants to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it and he is very loyal to hanging with his pals. There were a couple of times when I would stop contacting him but then he would seek me out and he would start coming over more often for dinner, movies, to stay the night...then after about 3 months of that he just stopped coming over to stay but would stop by to say hi without warning. I have always felt strongly for him, he has a lot of qualities that I would want in a partner of mine. He has always known how I have felt about him and I was never pushy about what I wanted bc I wanted to respect how he felt. I wonder if he backed away so much because he knew how I felt? He has said before that he just can't handle my boys (he is 32 with no kids)That in itself should have made me turn around and not look back but I havn't been able to let it go. A part of me can see us as an old couple sitting on the porch together while eating jello...you know? I have always felt that there would come a time when we would have to part ways so that we can work on our lives individually but neither one of us lets go entirely. I don't understand why we can't just be two single people who want to enjoy eachothers company. If I was completley honest with myself I would pay attention to the fact that he does not seek me out very often, we don't hang out around other friends together, it seems that he "hangs" with me when there is nothing better to do. I have been trying to let go since soon after I met him but I just don't want him completely out of my life...there are so many possibilities with him. He says that he wants to be casual friends but I don't know if I can handle that. What the heck is a casual friend? I want more out of a friendship with him. I don't want to let go of this friendship but does he really even want a friendship? I wonder if he can he be the type of friend that I want? I feel selfish for putting a label on the friendship with him, he is a great guy and its very hard to do this but....would it be best to part ways? Must I let go of the idea of him and his friendship? I really don't want to lose touch with him.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Usually when men say that they just want to mess around, that’s what they want. And if he says he just wants to be a friend, that’s what he wants. Men are different from women. We’ll say that we want to be friends but we still hope that it will grow into more. But men say they want to be friends and that’s usually all they want. Now some friendship can grow into a relationship, but I don’t think this one will.
To me it sounds like he’s using you for the time when he’s in between girls. And yes, men will do that. When he’s not in a relationship, or he doesn’t have another woman to visit, he knows that you like him and he’ll visit you.
Men like to keep women. He doesn’t want to have you, but he wants to keep you around until something better comes along.
He’s told you that he can’t handle your kids. He is telling you the truth. We as women want to hold on to the possibilities. When we just need to take heed and move on.
If you can be his friend, then be his friend, if you can’t then take the necessary steps to move on. But I do believe you need to find someone else to date and I know it’s not easy when you’ve invested so much time and you’ve given him your mind. But you can do it.
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You need to find someone else. I'm willing to bet this guy is either married or in a relationship with someone else.
Have you tried googling him? If not give it a try and see what comes up. You might be surprised at what you can find.
Know any police officers? If you do see if they can look him up for you. You might have to get his tag number.
Either way, if he wants nothing to do with your kids he is not the guy for you. Your kids come first and if you can't find a guy who will love them as you do, you're wasting your time.
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i think I can help ease some of your worries.
First of all, it is VERY NORMAL to want to have male courtship when your single. there is nothing wrong with wanting him to be around and enjoying his company. Im sorry that he isnt on your "level" when it comes to the relationship that you have. we win some you loose some i guess.
as far as forgetting him? well, i would just say to be indifferent if you can. See if he ever changes his perspective and wants more of what you two share. right now im not sure what he considers you as, but there is always a chance that he will be tired of his party guy ways and want to settle down, but there is no way of knowing if or when this will happen.
what is probably best, is for you to continue looking for other men, there will be some with the same qualities you adore and perhaps some that will be ready to settle down and grow old with you.
you sound like a very sweet loving woman, and mother. There is the perfect guy out there for you, but if you dont seek him out, how will the two of you ever meet?
just continue to enjoy your time with this man, and take your relationship for exactly what it is. dont try to make him change. if he doesnt like/love you eventually, you will get tired of waiting and your heart will know when its time to give up on a lost cause.
email me if you would like to talk about it!
stephanie.ellick@gmail.com
hope I helped some! =]
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