I have a lot of life experience and a background in education and some counselling. The following are quotes from friends and family regarding advice I have given them in the past:
"You are so direct and to the point but not harsh."
"You have a lot of wisdom."
"You always know how to cut right to the heart of the matter."
I believe that I tell it like it is but I am also senstive to other's feelings and I am able to see things from various perspectives. Hopefully, I can help you too.
Gender: Female
Member Since: June 26, 2006
Answers: 28
Last Update: September 22, 2006
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well, me and my boyfriend have been going out for 6months now. In the beginning everythign was all good. BUt now were always with each other and were always fighting and he always makes me the bad guy. i feel so bad when we fight, and i feel like our relationship is going down hill. i just need advice on how to keep our relationship together thanx (link)
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This may sound like impossible advice but I recommend that you do not argue for a week and see what you learn about your relationship. It is easier to do than it sounds. It is not possible to argue if one person refuses to fight; it takes two to have an arguement. So, if your boyfriend tries to engage you in a fight, simply do not fight back. There are several ways to avoid this, eg. say nothing; give him a hug and kiss; or say something like, "I have no resonse to that."
After the week of "no-fighting" is over, you will have a clearer picture of the real issues in your relationship.
Good luck with it.
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a couple days ago i hooked up with a guy.. were like friends with benifets and all but i have hooked up with him many times before and i dont know because now im kinda starting to like him. i know i shouldnt like him and i dont know how to stop?? can someone please help me out.. (link)
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This is the "catch" with the hook-up relationship - in most cases, you can hook up only so many times before you start to feel yourself being reeled in. Unfortunately, it seems to be the women who get their heart involved when originally we didn't really care. This is the problem with a relaiostship where sex is the main component. For whatever reason, sex gives us females an attachment that would not be there in many cases if we were not physically involved. Men tyically do not react to sex this way, which is why hook-up relationships tend to not work in the long run for women. Unfortunately hook-ups are very alluring in the beginning for the obvious reasons.
I don't think you should try to stop liking him simply because it is not possible for any of us to control our feelings; they are just are there. It is my belief that the only thing you can control in this situation is your behaviour. You would have to start by being brutally honest with yourself. In your heart of hearts, do you desire a real relatioship with him? If the answer to this question is yes and you are prepared to risk losing the hook-up relatsionship then the answer is simple: stop having sex with him. If he continues to want to see you anyway then you know that he feels the same way and likes you for your company too, not just the benefits. Or, you could have a really blunt conversation with him and ask him outright if he wants to be more than just friends with benefits. Either way, I think that if you decide to try to step your relationship up, I would strongly recommend to cut out the sex (all forms of it) for a while. This isn't as hard as it sounds once you put your mind to it.
In my opinion, if you really do want more with him but he doesn't and you continue to go along with the hook-up thing, you will do this for a little while longer and evevtually get hurt. If you deal with it now, however, and he doesn't feel the same way as you, you will still feel initially rejected but you will nip it in the bud sooner and you will know where you stand now.
Best of luck.
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Dan is 18, he never talked to me during school and then all of the sudden he started calling me a lot. As in every day. I tried to avoid talking to him on the phone because I don't really enjoy talking to him. I tolorated it, but now he wants to go to the movies with me. I told him I'd talk to him later about it, because I didn't want to crush him because I know how guys are when they get rejected. So yeah, I think he is calling today and I don't know what to tell him. I don't like talking to him on the phone and I deffinatly do not want to go to the movies with him. Any suggestions on what to do/say when he calls? (I'm not the kind of person that would say something like "STOP CALLING ME! IT'S WERID!" or "eww no i'd never go to the movies with you"). Thanks so much! =) (link)
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These situations are awkward becasue you sound like a nice person who wouldn't want to hurt someone. That is why I do advise you to be direct but kind; it is definitely possible to be both at the same time. Men (and women, for that matter) appreciate it when they are told the truth so they know where they stand and when to stop trying. Think of a time when you liked a guy but he gave you mixed singles. That kind of crazy-making stuff really is worse then being told the truth. Men also tend to take an indirect "no" or a "maybe" as an invitiation to keep trying as the door is still part way open. In my opinion, telling Dan that you are not interested is the most respectful thing you can do for both of you. You could try to say something like: "You seem like a nice person, but I just don't see it going anywhere romantically for me." Keep in mind that you do not owe him a detailed reason for why you don't want to date him. If you are not interested, you are not interested.
I hope it works out OK.
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I am Thai. 24 years old. Male.
I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months. We have a lot in common and seems like she enjoys talking to me as she laughs at my joke (she sais I am so funny). she always tells me about her stuffs like her works, friends,ect. Most of the times I am the one who call her for a talk almost everyday (I also text to her everyday). She calls me sometimes, but, recently, she asked me like: "why didn't you call me yesterday?" or "Why you call me so late? I'm waiting". I went out with her 2 times within last 2 weeks. Both times were great (just as I thought). I will go out with her again on next week. Today, this morning, she texted to me like: "Thanks for everything you have done for me and for good feelings you have been given to me". These are what happening now.
Let me take you back to 8 months earlier. I met her and I called her just like what I'm doing now. At the time she had boyfriend(s). She talked to me nicely and also with another guys. I think that time she was really flirting to me without thinking of any serious relationship. I asked her to go out several time, but she did not. After I paused talking to her for 5 months, she called me and told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Thereafter, I have been talking to her again since then.
My questions are:
1) Does she really like me this time or just flirt to me again?
2) What does the SMS mean(Thank you for...)? It sounds like she wants to break up our relationship to me. It really bothers me.
Please advice me. I appreciate for all suggestions. Thanks. (link)
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Dear Thai,
It sounds to me like it is very possible she is interested in you. However, it also sounds like she may not know her own mind. Perhaps she enjoys the attention of several guys and is too immature for a real relationship at this time.
If it is an exclusive relationship you are wanting with her, I suggest that you clearly tell her that and ask her what exactly she is wanting from you. It may sound scary to be so blunt as it puts you in a vulnerable position but right now you are putting yourself in an even more vulnerable position. If you believe that she is not interested in you at this time anyway, then you really have nothing to lose by making your intentions known to her and asking to clarify hers. If she says that she does not want what you are looking for or if she waffles then I would recommend cutting your losses and looking for someone who wants what you want. I wish you all the best in this; I know how painful these things can be.
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I'm pretty clueless when it comes to guys; so I thought I would ask a question for the guys (or girls) to answer.
If you were married (or in a serious relationship)but not happy; and you had a close friend who you were attracted to and had feelings for; would you be ticked off if that person told you she would never sleep with you as long as you were married? I'm asking because recently this has happened to me. I told one of my close male friends (that I had known for 4 years) that I would never have an affair with him while he were married but I still wanted to be his friend. Now he wants nothing to do with me. (link)
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First of all - good for you and thank-you! There are too many women out there who have lowered their standards to the point of having relationships with married men. Be proud that you are not going to be one of those women. Let's face it - if every women turned these men down, there would be nobody for them to use. But, sadly this fellow you know will go on to find a women who doesn't value herself as much as you do.
When it comes to deciding if you actually want to enter into any kind of a relatioship with a married man, I believe single women should look at it this way: It is actually an insult to the women for a married man to think that she would actually be desperate enough to stoop to a relationship with someone who belongs to someone else. I think the best thing is for you to have nothing to do with this creep. Is that really the kind of person you want as a "friend" anyway? Shouldn't our friends have qualities that we admire and respect? I think you dodged a close one there.
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